Dear cupid ,
I was engaged for almost 1 year and a half , my fiance and i had a long distance relationship, he is deployed and at the end of this year we were planning to start wedding planning and for him to stop deploying and settle down , but a couple of months ago everytime we argue about something he breaks up with me but we would get back just a few days after , our arguments were not about serious things that are even worth breaking up over and we would argue like once a month but now 2 months before him leaving the deployment and us getting married we argued about a stupid matter which escelated and he ended up breaking up with me and saying that we dont have an understanding ( i was shocked ) he made me feel like it was all my fault , but this time it was serious he blocked me on every single thing , i went into panic mode and waited and tried to fix things between us but he ignored me , he is even acting like i never existed , even his mom tried to fix things but he didnt accept , and then i found out that just 1 week after our break up he extended his deployment and canceled alllll the plans we had . Its soooo shoking that he leaves me just 2 months before we were supposed to start our life together and made me feel like it was all my fault , and he started saying that im too young and acting like he just got to know me . ( like he was trying to find any execuse to blame me ) and why would he extend his deployment imidiatly after us breaking up ? Also i did alllll the break up mistakes of begging , apologizing and spaming him . And i want to make him regret his decision, what should i do ? Should i do the 30 day no contact? Or is it too late after all the breakup mistakes ive done? Also why did he break up with me in such a harsh way just 2 months before everything, please i really want him back but i dont know what to do ?!!!!! I want him to miss me , to regret his decision please help me
View related questions: engaged, fiance, long distance, wedding
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 December 2018):
First of all, it’s not uncommon for soldiers to break up before a deployment. And to act a bit out of character leading up to a deployment. Especially of he is going to a war-zone.The LAST thing (most of them) want/need is drama and trouble at home that they have to try and deal with ON TOP of a deployment.What you should do, is accept that HE broke up with you. It’s over.YOU have to respect his choice here, OP EVEN if it hurts. I’m sure it hurt him too. While I DO find it low of him to put ALL the blame on you, this isn’t about blame. It’s about accepting reality and take SOME responsibility as well.I think he has wanted to end it for a lot longer than you know. These two little “silly” (as you call them” arguments reinforced how he felt. He has extended his deployment to AVOID you, and AVOID having to deal with you.He has BLOCKED you, because h wants NO more contact.YOU need to leave him be.Maybe he will change his mind, maybe he won’t. BUT YOU CAN NOT MAKE him change his mind, neither can his mom or ANYONE else.Leave him be. He needs to focus on the job at hand, his deployment.And while I totally GET how this hurts you, when you thought there was a wedding on the horizon and you two riding into the sunset together – however, some times plans change. Some times PEOPLE change.You NEED to accept REALITY.
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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2018):
I was in a similar situation my ex was in the military as well. The best thing to do is act shady and don’t respond put him on do not disturb trust me it works. Whatever you do don’t reach out and tell his mom don’t chase him he will back. Also when men are deployed they get depressed and they’re sad he’s probably not in his normal state of mind.
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