I have a small group of close friends that I socialize with regularly and we’re mostly all about the same age range (40s) – and I’m 46. A while back one of the friends started bringing around another friend (they’re both nurses and work together) and she has become part of the group – she’s 26.
This girl, who I will call “L”, has fit in well and is completely accepted in our group. “L” is very attractive and much more mature than other women I know that are in their 20s. She and I have become particularly close and, encouraged by others in the group who know us both, we have started dating. We have a great time together and there is no awkwardness about our ages when we’re together. We have talked about the age gap and just agreed it’s a non-issue to us.With that being said, I’m concerned about the appearance – particularly to my children. I have two daughters, 17 and 21, the oldest of which lives with me. For obvious reasons I have not told my children that I am seeing a woman who is just a few years older than them. “L” does not stay the night at my house unless I know neither of my kids will be there. Instead we usually stay at her place if we have a night together. She does not have any children of her own.We are not “serious” in that there is no talk of marriage or children or anything, really. We’re both just enjoying each other. It’s not a sugar-daddy thing and it’s not a “creepy old man” thing either, at least not from my perspective.I guess my question is, should I be concerned about our 20-year age difference? Should I be concerned about it with respect to my daughters, or really to anybody?
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A male reader, Code Warrior + ♥, writes (2 October 2018):
You wrote:”I guess my question is, should I be concerned about our 20-year age difference? Should I be concerned about it with respect to my daughters, or really to anybody?”The answer: Yes. Obviously. Your daughters opinions will be the ones that matter. The rest of the world’s opinions don’t matter. Also, Honeypie brings up some excellent questions you need to think about for the future. Even though the future is a long way off, you need to have answers to those questions before this relationship gets too serious for you.
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 October 2018):
I think since it’s NOT serious right now, there is NO need to to inform your kids. Now you CAN say you are seeing someone but that it’s not serious and when you feel it IS getting serious you will introduce them to each other (though… I DO suggest that IF it gets serious… that you give you “kids” a heads up that she Is much younger or it will not end will.)Will some people find it a little creepy that you are dating someone barely older than your “kids”? Sure. I have seen it with two of my nieces who dated guys 20 years older… neither were very even relationships. They both seemed a little… “parent/kid’ish” to me. But really, none of my business as the nieces were both grown women.Will it work out long term? Well.. who knows? It might not due to the age difference or more because of the different stages in life experience, income, careers, family etc. She doesn’t have any kids now.. but she might WANT some in a few years, then what? You going to have another set of children? 20+ years younger than your “first batch”?However, that may or may not happen – I’d say enjoy what you have, just don’t become a “caretaker” for her – one who pays her bills or pays for everything all the time when out and about.
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