How can I get my partner to trust me?
We’ve been together 5 years, I’ve NEVER done anything that’s remotely disloyal or unfaithful. When we met I had a few male friends, I’m now not allowed to speak to any of them despite the fact that all I’ve ever had with these guys is friendship and nothing more. I used to be a social butterfly, had lots of friends and a great social life, now I rarely go out and when I do I’m questioned where I’m going and who with and more often than not he makes a fuss or sulks so it ended up being easier to just stay in. I am self employed and travel the local area doing what I do, he has on many occasions turned up where I’m working to ‘check if I’m really working’ including turning up to a training course to see if I was actually on it – he couldn’t see my car in the car park (as I’d parked in the overflow car park) so he rang my company’s head office to ask if there was really a course – and openly tells me he does these things because he doesn’t trust me.I’ve put up with it for so long, I’ve moved away from my home town to go to his, I’ve changed my appearance to shut him up, I’ve changed everything about myself to please him and it’s still not worked. Even though I know practically no one where we live he still accuses me of of cheating.. for example we’ll be out for dinner and a man might walk past and he’ll drop a comment like ‘bet you’ve shagged him’ or ‘bet that’s the type of guy you’d like’. The best of it is, not only is my other half ridiculously attractive himself, he is actually a wonderful man despite these trust issues. When we’ve spoken about it he just tells me that he’s insecure and worried I’ll leave him and of course the good old ‘it’s not you I don’t trust, it’s just everyone else’….
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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2018):
“How can I get my partner to trust me?”You can’t.It’s not a trust issue, it’s a control issue. He wants to keep you on the defensive so you will bend to his will. Isolating you from family and friends is textbook controlling boyfriend behavior.And if he feels as though he can’t control you verbally, then there is a very good chance he will attempt to control you physically.Dump him and return to your hometown.
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 October 2018):
You know, OPIf you wasted another 5-10 years on this guy he would STILL accuse you of cheating. It’s NOT about you. It’s about HIM. HIS insecurities.You have given up your friends, your social life for him, altered your looks to please him, moved away from the area you lived in, he is in short… ISOLATED you from your life as you knew it.HOW is that him being a great guy?He didn’t WANT to be with you! He wanted you to fit into HIS mold of a partner, he CONSTANTLY keeps you on your toes with the accusations… This is SO unhealthy and I don’t see him TRYING to figure out how to build trust for you. I don’t see him doing SHIT in order to be the man you think he can be.
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