A female Health And Fitness has-anyone-else-given-up-a-fairly-long-term-comfortable-relationship-for-something-new-and-exciting-with-so-much-in-common-and-a-strong-sexual-attraction Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction? Relationship & Sex    age 22-25, anonymous writes:

The Fat Decimator System

My boyfriend and I have just passed 3 years together. We have a great life together: we laugh a lot, we support each other, we cook, we travel, we have many of the same interests and tastes. I know he loves me and I love him too, but it’s always been a very comfortable love, as though from the beginning we’d been together for years. I feel that we’re kinda like best friends who also live together and sleep together. Everyone says their partner is their best friend, right? But for us that means we never really went through that initial magnetic-attraction can’t-keep-our-hands-off-each-other stage. I was just so at home with him from the start.

Now someone else has come into my life who I feel that magnetic attraction for and it’s intense. He’s a good and kind guy, handsome, generous, works with kids (I love kids, and people who love kids), we have so much in common and I could talk to him for hours. When we first met I mistakenly thought he was gay, and was happy to have a new friend. We were already hanging out and having long in-depth conversations before I realized he was actually straight, and then that I was attracted to him.He’s recently admitted he has strong feelings for me and in his ideal world we’d be together, but that he also doesn’t want to hurt me or my boyfriend by breaking up our relationship. But for me, the thought of cutting ties with him is painful. I have no idea what to do. I know I need to make a decision. A good childhood friend of mine passed away this year at the age of 24 and I think I’ve entered a bit of a quarter-life crisis since then. I feel like I don’t want to miss out on anything. I want to get everything I can out of life and not make any big mistakes or have any big regrets…but I don’t know how to avoid a mistake here.My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage and kids (though as a quite vague years-from-now thing). My whole family loves him, and his family have totally embraced me too. We have a big friend group in common. Everything seems perfect on paper but I just feel like there’s something missing. Or is this just how long-term relationships are?Has anyone else ever given up a fairly long-term relationship for something new and exciting? Would the glow quickly wear off if I left and gave it a go with this other guy? How do you know if you’re making the right choice?

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A male reader, Code Warrior Health And Fitness has-anyone-else-given-up-a-fairly-long-term-comfortable-relationship-for-something-new-and-exciting-with-so-much-in-common-and-a-strong-sexual-attraction Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (27 October 2018):

Health And Fitness has-anyone-else-given-up-a-fairly-long-term-comfortable-relationship-for-something-new-and-exciting-with-so-much-in-common-and-a-strong-sexual-attraction Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction? Relationship & Sex    You sound exactly like one of my female cousins. She also loved kids and wanted a family of her own. Of anyone in the family, she was considered the most likely to have kids and raise a family. Her boyfriend was her high school sweetheart and the family loved him dearly. If anyone was born to be a mother, it was her, and the family pretty much assumed they would get married. My female cousin is the same age as me, 55, and was around your age when she did what you’re contemplating.It destroyed her boyfriend, her mew relationship didn’t last, and she wound up in a series of meaningless relationships until, almost 30 years down the road, she got married. By that time, she was over 50 and too old to have kids.In my opinion, the new guy is a complete asshole for expressing feelings for you when you’re in a happy relationship. I don’t care how nice he is or how much he proclaims how he doesn’t want to be the cause of you breaking up, he’s already done severe damage to your relationship. He should have kept his mouth shut and not aknowledged feelings for you in any way, shape, or form. As for you, you’ve done tremendous damage to your relationship with your self-indulgent exploration of your attraction to him. You weren’t attracted to him when you thought he was gay, but when that changed, you immediately allowed yourself to begin emotionally cheating on your boyfriend who doesn’t deserve this. I can’t think of anything more self-indulgent and selfish than what you and this new guy are doing. It doesn’t matter that you haven’t done anything physical, you’ve done the damage by letting it get to the point that you’re considering breaking up with your boyfriend.Put yourself in your boyfriend’s shoes and imagine how you’d feel if, instead of you posting this dilemma, it was your boyfriend here posting exactly the same dilemma in reverse with a hot girl in place of your hot guy. How would you feel having him break up with you completely out of the blue when the relationship was going so well?But you know what? Your boyfriend will now suffer because of what you’ve done. If you choose the new guy, I’m sure it will devastate your boyfriend. If you choose your boyfriend, you will resent having to give up your intense feelings and “what might have been” and will likely make him suffer for it in the long run as you build up your unspoken “sacrifice” in your mind over time. In addition, if you choose your boyfriend, what happens when the next temptation comes along?You’ve wronged your boyfriend. In my opinion, you know what you’re getting with your current boyfriend and you don’t have any idea what the new guy will be like, but you do know that the new guy doesn’t respect relationships despite his lame ass claim to the contrary. You don’t respect relationships either because, if you did, you wouldn’t have indulged yourself like this. It’s bad enough being in a bad relationship and doing what you’ve done, but doing it when in a happy relationship is just terrible. The bottom line is that you can never really trust the new guy knowing how the both of you developed feelings. The thing is, your boyfriend thinks he can trust you. He has no idea that he can’t. What a mess you’ve created.

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A female reader, Honeypie Health And Fitness has-anyone-else-given-up-a-fairly-long-term-comfortable-relationship-for-something-new-and-exciting-with-so-much-in-common-and-a-strong-sexual-attraction Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (27 October 2018):

Health And Fitness has-anyone-else-given-up-a-fairly-long-term-comfortable-relationship-for-something-new-and-exciting-with-so-much-in-common-and-a-strong-sexual-attraction-1 Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction? Relationship & Sex    Jumping from one relationship to another RARELY works out. THAT is why affairs usually blows up several people’s lives.You have to decide. No one else can do that FOR you.Sure, the new guy is tempting. But put the shoe on the other foot, HOW would you feel if your partner had met a woman and started this whole emotional affair with her, BEHIND your back and then sat and waffled over the choice of whom to pick?!While I think sexual attraction is good in long term relationships, personally, I have never been with anyone I wasn’t attracted to. But attractions alone… It wears off. Specially if you want a long term relationship that included marriage and kids. You need a partner that you SHARE many of the BASIC values with more than just “can’t keep my hands of his dick” energy.However, you wouldn’t have pursued the second guy if things were Hunky-dory with guy #1. You would have backed away the moment you realized where it was going, that your “friendship” (and yeah, I put friendship in “” because friendship my ass, guy #2 is NOT your friend. He is looking for more from you. IF he was a FRIEND he wouldn’t have declared his feelings. Saying he doesn’t want you to break up with your BF is .. well, BULLSHIT or… the very least SUPER selfish of him to declare his feelings for you, knowing you have a partner already.)If you go from guy #1 to guy #2… people around you will HATE him from the get-go before they even get to know him. You WILL lose friends over this too. No if, ends or buts about it. THAT is the reality if breaking up or divorce.And guy #2 will always worry about YOU dropping him for greener grass at some point in the future. Because you ALREADY did it once. He will worry about being your rebound (and he would be).And YOU will ALWAYS worry about him making “friends” with other females – regardless of them having a BF or not… you will always have to worry about him perhaps liking the chance more than the familiarity you share with #1.You might NOT be ready for building “the future” just yet. You are still in your early 20’s. And you might still think that a husband-prospect have to check everything on the list. But because of your inexperience your list might be flawed.The fact that your post doesn’t REALLY seem to have ANY thoughts as to HOW this might affect your BF, it makes me think you are still in that selfish stage where YOUR wants, needs, desires, goals, hopes dreams are ALL that matter.My advice? Tell guy #2 that you need to cut contact for 2 months to figure out what you want. And then DO it. In those two months you DECIDE if what you have is WORTH the risk of the “unknown” or not. You perhaps WORK on the things you want to improve in your current relationship.And IF after 2 months you still think #2 guy would be a “BETTER” choice for you LONG TERM, then you BREAK up in the nicest way possible with your BF. Then you give yourself at LEAST 6 months before jumping into dating (whether that would be guy #2 or someone else). Be single, sort out yourself, and move on from the BF/relationship BEFORE jumping into something new.The whole “flitter” going from one guy to the next.. that is what teens do. Because they don’t know better and well, “SQUIRREL”! They constantly see greener grass, the “selfish” mindset of I WANT!! The things with “greener grass”… The best “green grass” the the “grass” that you water and nurture. a relationship TAKES work, effort and investments. You got some serious thinking to do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2018):

HiYes, I’ve been in this situation twice in my life. Once when I was married and once when I was engaged. My relationship with both men were just as you describe. Very comfortable and happy. No cross words and sex was just fine. BUT in neither case was there the initial ‘fireworks’ feeling. The first time it happened was with my husband. We had known each other since we were children and we finally got together late twenties. Everyone we knew just asked what had taken us so long. No-one batted an eyelid. I LIKED him very much, we had lots of laughs together and we just GOT ON. We married and our marriage was comfortable, but tremendously boring. He worked shifts and we barely saw each other. We became like two people who had gone back to being friends, just amicably sharing the same house. I met someone else where the sparks just flew. It was my osteopath. I wasn’t going out trying to find someone, this just happened. I told my husband about my feelings for someone else and said that we had to make more of our marriage because it had cracks in it and other people were getting through.We both half heartedly planned to do more things together, most of which didn’t happen and we eventually went our separate ways. He didn’t want me to go, but had no oomph to try to change things. I went out with my osteopath for about a year before that failed as he was abusive. About five years later I met another really lovely man through work. we didn’t work together, he would book squash courts in the sports centre where I worked. I got on with him and his friend and we would hang out on my work break. His marriage failed a while later and he was on the phone to me at work asking me out. I went because he said he just wanted someone to talk to and I really liked him as a person. And again, we just GOT ON. For two years we were friends, seeing each other every couple of months or so, having dinner together. I could sense he had more feelings for me than just friends, but he never made a move and I was happy because I just liked being with him. BUT no fireworks.The day before I went to lay my mother’s ashes to rest, I decided I liked him as more than a friend. It took a therapist to point out the timing of that one for me. We got together, he proposed very quickly and we got engaged and were together for five years (didn’t get round to getting married). I was happy or so I thought, when once again I met a man who blew my socks off. The chemistry was ridiculous and wild horses couldn’t keep me away. I had an affair and once again told my fiancé the day after I met this other chap, that I had met him and my fiancé could tell by the look on my face how I felt. They both waited about 11 months for me to choose. That was the most difficult decision I’ve EVEER had to make. Which was why I saw a therapist to try to help me. I was 50/50. I knew that I wanted to be with the other man, but knew that he probably wasn’t going to be good for me. I am quite highly strung and my fiancé was stable and secure, while the new man was more like me, after excitement and adventure. When my therapist said to me ‘you just want to be free’ I felt so happy because it was as though I had been given permission to leave. Somehow I knew though that the new man was going to be wrong for me. But I went anyway. Leaving my fiancé was only fair looking back. He, I don’t think, could have been happy with me and he was now free to find someone who loved him properly. I’m not a domesticated woman and I still hanker after excitement and adventure even though I’m nearly sixty now. So maybe I’m not the best example for you, but I DO think that if you feel this way about someone else, then I don’t think it’s fair that you continue with your boyfriend. Whether it turns out to be the right or the wrong decision for you in the end. How would you feel if you found out that he was having the same feeling as you are now, about another woman?Would you want him to stay with you and try to work it out or would you want him to leave you so that you could find someone who loves you like you want to be loved? Do try and remember that this situation isn’t just about YOUR feelings. (said with love)I know most people don’t do what I have done and what many on this site advise in a jokey way to do, which is to just ask your partner and see what they have to say about it. But it’s what I DID do both times, because I didn’t look to fall for someone else. I just did and I thought it was only fair to let them know what was happening. And both times I was met with mature discussion and appreciation for being honest. Also whenever I hear that the best relationships stem from good friendships, I have to disagree PERSONALLY. Yes, it’s great to be good friends obviously, in fact it’s a must, BUT if it doesn’t also have that spark, that ‘you can’t keep your hands off each other’ element to it, then from my experience it’s doomed to failure IF one of you meets someone who creates that amazing chemistry with you. I know you want to avoid making a mistake, but that’s impossible for you to know until you’ve gone for one or the other. It’s tough I know. You didn’t ask for this to happen. Maybe seeing a therapist to help you to talk it through is something to consider. I do feel for you. I have always followed my heart, but that doesn’t mean that I have always made the right decision. Sometimes in life you can’t have a safety net underneath you. And be prepared that you WILL lose whatever you decide. You will either lose a great boyfriend and friend, or you will lose an excitement and a man who you MIGHT have had a great life with. I’ve been there and come out the other side. I’m single now, but have always been happy on my own. That’s one of the keys to life I think. If you are your own best friend, then whatever happens, you’ll be ok.Best of luck my love and I hope this has helped you in some way.

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A female reader, Andie’s Thoughts Health And Fitness has-anyone-else-given-up-a-fairly-long-term-comfortable-relationship-for-something-new-and-exciting-with-so-much-in-common-and-a-strong-sexual-attraction-1 Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (27 October 2018):

Health And Fitness 1e67a9d8-8ab1-4c5e-b760-9b8ce154fba3 Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction? Relationship & Sex    Liven up your own relationship. So many people want that comfortable love and all good relationships will get there. Try to make things a little more exciting or spontaneous, but don’t give up something that was more or less perfect for you until someone else came along. What you have with your boyfriend sounds great (unless it isn’t?), but you have lustful friendship with this new guy and no clue whether you’d actually last long term.You can always break up with someone if you fall out of love, but you can rarely get back together if you left and regret it.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious Health And Fitness has-anyone-else-given-up-a-fairly-long-term-comfortable-relationship-for-something-new-and-exciting-with-so-much-in-common-and-a-strong-sexual-attraction-1 Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (27 October 2018):

Health And Fitness cb00d1ef-0a14-495d-ae29-55bd6b6b2f04 Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction? Relationship & Sex    I think the fact your friend died so young is very significant in all this. It has suddenly hit you how short life can be, how there are no guarantees of tomorrow, and you want to live life to the full. This is a totally natural and common knee-jerk reaction to the death of someone close. We suddenly fear “wasting” our lives. Also, you and our boyfriend got together at a fairly young age (assuming he is of a similar age to you). It is possible that your relationship has simply run its course. Just because it is expected you will settle down, get married and have children does not mean it is the right thing for either of you. In your shoes I would hold off doing anything for at last 12 months after your friend’s death. By then your grief should have settled a little and you will hopefully be able to think with a clearer head. In the meantime, work on making your current relationship more exciting. Tell your new friend that you fear making a decision for the wrong reason, hence why you are holding off for the time being. If he is really keen, he will understand and back off to give you space. Being in love or in a relationship does not make us immune to the attraction of others. For most of us, people will appear in our lives occasionally to whom we feel a strong attraction. That can’t be helped. However, what we do about it defines our morals and ethics. Whatever you do, do not cheat on your current partner. If you decide you want to make a go of things with this new guy, finish your current relationship kindly but cleanly, give yourself a little breathing space (if only out of respect to your ex), then see what happens. There are no guarantees in life, especially where others are concerned. All we can do is make a decision and hope for the best. Good luck.

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A female reader, Andie’s Thoughts Health And Fitness has-anyone-else-given-up-a-fairly-long-term-comfortable-relationship-for-something-new-and-exciting-with-so-much-in-common-and-a-strong-sexual-attraction-1 Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (27 October 2018):

Health And Fitness 1e67a9d8-8ab1-4c5e-b760-9b8ce154fba3 Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction? Relationship & Sex    The grass is always greener until you get there. You need to cut ties with this new guy. The spark always fades, if it’s even there to start with. You have a stable, loving(?) relationship with a future planned. Don’t give that up unless you don’t love him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2018):

You’re still young and haven’t had a lot of life experience yet. You’re restless because you feel tied down, even if you love your boyfriend. I’ve always believed if there are feelings of restlessness you are not with your life partner. You’re young. You’re not married to him. If you’ve never had butterflies, that says a lot. But just know that the butterflies will also someday fade with the new guy. It’s always a gamble no matter what…

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