I really don’t know how I feel anymore, my head is all over the place and I’m so mixed up.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8years. When we first met things moved very fast and I knew i loved him very early on. We had what I thought was the perfect relationship however a few months into our relationship I found out he’d cheated on me several times, he denied it until he couldn’t lie about the evidence…the other woman screenshotted messages between the two of them. She then told me of the cheating when he refused to leave me and said she hoped I’d leave him so he had noone. At the time I hated her and i was devasted i was heartbroken. within a few days he’d worked his way back in with me buying me flowers, I got the whole sob story and promises of never hurting me again etc. Since that we’ve moved on and I forgave him. He resuses to talk about it and said it should stay in past, I agree it’s bound and it is the past and I chose to forgive him but still over 7years on it hurts and I find myself still not fully trusting him. I feel guilty I looked at his phone but I found messages between him and his ex, nothing sexual but they’d arranged to meet for a drink..I don’t know why he messaged her and I can’t stop thinking about it. Am I overreacting and it’s me in wrong for looking at phone I know I shouldn’t of done. As far as I know they haven’t met up. Also recently we had a very bad patch and we were arguing a lot and he has very short temper and smashed a vase and threw my phone at wall. He was getting drunk and staying out all night. He was always very apologetic after but I got tired if this behaviour and I know he has a stressful job but I feel sometimes like his emotional punch bag. Things got so bad I ended the relationship but he talked me back round and promised he wouldn’t take me for granted and begged me not to end it and said he couldn’t live without me. Since this he said it was wake up call and he’s been the perfect partner, house is always spotless (he used to be super messy), he’s not stayed out all night, he’s taken me out and booked dinners out and sends me texts saying how much be loves me etc. So I feel we are back on track and he’s talking about settling down with me but why aren’t I feel super happy about this? I don’t know what I feel. Surely I should be happy. It’s what I always wanted I wanted so much to marry him and have children with him, I was so in love with him and hes been the perfect boyfriend the past month. I know I still love him now and I care about him very much. He talks about proposing soon but why am I confused if I’d say yes.
View related questions: cheated on me, drunk, flowers, heartbroken, his ex, text, violent
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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2019):
Ok so your man is a drunk he cheats and you do not trust him at all.oh I almost forgot by throwing the vase and your phone he is also physically abusive.Which we all know in time will escalate into hitting you it always does.So answer me this why are you even still with this jerk.Has he killed your self esteem and respect for yourself this much?WOW.Girl you need to leave him like yesterday.Get to therapy so you can learn why you stay with such a loser.You know you can do so much better.You deserve a man who does not cheat or abuse you and who is not a drunk.Start respecting yourself by dumping the loser.But be careful when you leave abusers always get nasty then.Call a woman’s shelter and get advice on how to leave a abuser and stay safe.You might think this step is not needed but abusers get nasty when you try to leave.You might think he is not an abuser but he is.Everyone out there please respond to this lw and tell her I am right.she cannot see the truth about him even when it is there in her own words.
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