A female Health And Fitness he-constantly-needs-reassuring-and-i-am-being-turned-off-by-it He constantly needs reassuring and I am being turned off by it! Relationship & Sex    age 36-40, anonymous writes:

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Hi so I started seeing a guy about a month ago, he is lovely but lives like 400 miles away! I really fell for him, and him me, but he seems borderline obsessed with me, he got me presents for Xmas very sweet I thought, but he is very insecure and always needs reassurance, if I’m busy or can’t talk he thinks something is wrong, if I don’t heart his messages he thinks something is wrong, and it’s beginning to get to me, he also asks if the men who chatted me up still message me etc, it’s just constant! I told him he needs to chill out or he is going to push me away, I really care about him but I feel like if this is what he is like now, surely he won’t get much better?! He says he will stop, he will relax and just enjoy being in love with me but I’m getting second thoughts now, I was single for 7 years so I’m ok by myself

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A male reader, WiseOwlE Health And Fitness he-constantly-needs-reassuring-and-i-am-being-turned-off-by-it-1 He constantly needs reassuring and I am being turned off by it! Relationship & Sex     + , writes (28 December 2018):

This is where we best listen to the little voice in our gut!I often inform our readers that “insecurity kills relationships!”There is a point in a relationship you have to surrender yourself to trust. You have to have a belief that love is real. Not just an imaginary concept. Even if your relationship is new, and isn’t quite established; you have to earn and exchange trust, in order to breathe life into it. It’s okay to test and evaluate the sincerity of your partner. You do have to know they are on the same page and taking it seriously. If you receive what you’re giving, that’s proof. Some things you can take at face-value; but some things require closer review. That is because you’re taking a risk and investing your heart and emotions. Then there is a point when you chill, and go with the flow. After reading your post, I know I’m preaching to the choir here. I don’t only address the OP; I also educate and help other readers with similar issues. You simply have to rely on consistency (not predictability) in the actions of your love-interest; and trust them based upon the evidence of affection expressed by your mate. That’s what love is founded upon. We’re humans not machines, so our actions deviate slightly, we don’t replicate every move exactly the same way every-time. We change and grow, we learn and improve, we shift about; and we try different techniques to keep things alive and interesting. “Predictability” isn’t always necessary, or proof things are good. Your gent sounds like a guy bordering on obsession. Always questioning your intentions, always oversensitive to slight irregularities, and always unsure of where you’re coming from. It’s exhausting! At times, insulting!These are all symptomatic of long-distance relationships; so do bear this in-mind!Giving him some benefit of the doubt, distance may attribute to some of his uncertainty. You are a strong and secure female; which he just may not be used to. Many of the women he may have known before you were probably less sure of themselves, and needed to be reassured and coddled. You don’t; so he may find that unsettling. That may be a sign of incompatibility. Your self-confidence may be intimidating.Don’t by any means change that about yourself! However, if you are serious about him; you may need to compromise over the matter regarding distance. He has a right to know if he is wasting his time. His time is as valuable as yours!You’ve already addressed his insecurity, and given him reasonable reassurance. When reassurance becomes an around-the-clock laborious task; you’re dealing with the wrong guy. He will not change. People over the age of 40 are usually set in our ways; and what you see, is what you get!After you’ve read each of our responses to your post, have a sit-down with your beau. Explain to him that you feel he doesn’t trust you when he persistently questions you. Matters regarding your friends, or past relationships, are none of his business. Details are off-limit to discussion, unless you voluntarily choose to share them with him. You also respect his privacy in those areas. You will keep everything in proper-perspective and transparent; out of the respect you have for him, and your relationship. If he is unable to get a handle on his insecurity; you’re not sure how long you will be able to deal with it. It makes you feel uncomfortable. As if he can’t trust you. That’s not what you seek in a man. You prefer confidence and strong character. You need calm and harmony in your relationships. If he feels he is up to it, prove it in his behavior. Don’t just say he will, do it! Then set your timer, give him a final opportunity to show improvement; but don’t waste any of your time trying to change him.

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A female reader, Honeypie Health And Fitness he-constantly-needs-reassuring-and-i-am-being-turned-off-by-it-1 He constantly needs reassuring and I am being turned off by it! Relationship & Sex     + , writes (28 December 2018):

Health And Fitness he-constantly-needs-reassuring-and-i-am-being-turned-off-by-it He constantly needs reassuring and I am being turned off by it! Relationship & Sex    I agree, this is a “run for the hills” kind of scenario.HE will not get “better” or more “chill”. I think as much as you like certain things about him, you are better off looking elsewhere.It’s been a MONTH (ONLY!!) and he is this obsessed and insecure, you have ONLY seen the tip of the iceberg. I would return the gifts he gave you, wish him well and END it. Then BLOCK all access.And if you can find ONE guy with traits you DO like, you can find another. I would actually advice to find one closer by, not 400 miles away. Someone you can spend time with in person.

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A male reader, N91 Health And Fitness he-constantly-needs-reassuring-and-i-am-being-turned-off-by-it He constantly needs reassuring and I am being turned off by it! Relationship & Sex     + , writes (28 December 2018):

Health And Fitness he-constantly-needs-reassuring-and-i-am-being-turned-off-by-it-1 He constantly needs reassuring and I am being turned off by it! Relationship & Sex    End it.He’s insecure and this behaviour won’t stop. Getting in deeper won’t help.

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A female reader, mystiquek Health And Fitness he-constantly-needs-reassuring-and-i-am-being-turned-off-by-it-1 He constantly needs reassuring and I am being turned off by it! Relationship & Sex     + , writes (28 December 2018):

Health And Fitness he-constantly-needs-reassuring-and-i-am-being-turned-off-by-it-2 He constantly needs reassuring and I am being turned off by it! Relationship & Sex    This is a relationship that you run away from and keep looking in the rear view mirror to make sure he isn’t following you. Seriously. He is obsessive, which leads to controlling and not to mention he sounds like he would be a stalker. He will only get worse with time, not better. Be safe and end it NOW.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Health And Fitness he-constantly-needs-reassuring-and-i-am-being-turned-off-by-it-2 He constantly needs reassuring and I am being turned off by it! Relationship & Sex     + , writes (28 December 2018):

Health And Fitness he-constantly-needs-reassuring-and-i-am-being-turned-off-by-it-3 He constantly needs reassuring and I am being turned off by it! Relationship & Sex    He’s going to back off? When? Does he have a date set for it?The truth is, it’s not going to get better. Right now it’s his annoying but tolerable nervous energy but once things get serious, it might just turn to an angry and abusive relationship. He’s already giving you no breathing space and it’s only been a month! One month!!Break it off while you’re still safe! Tell him that it’s too much too soon and that you don’t see it working out. Do not apologize because you don’t owe him anything. Don’t encourage or entertain any further communication with him. Whenever you feel that anyone is getting too much to bear or is anywhere near the obsession area, run for the hills immediately. You never know how these things might turn out and it’s always better to be safe than sorry

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious Health And Fitness he-constantly-needs-reassuring-and-i-am-being-turned-off-by-it He constantly needs reassuring and I am being turned off by it! Relationship & Sex     + , writes (28 December 2018):

Health And Fitness cb00d1ef-0a14-495d-ae29-55bd6b6b2f04 He constantly needs reassuring and I am being turned off by it! Relationship & Sex    If you are already being turned off by his behaviour, ask yourself if you want another month, year or more of this? Of course you don’t.If you really would like to give this relationship a chance, you need to spell it out to this guy that you have a life and don’t just sit by the phone, waiting for him to message you. Long distance relationships are difficult for insecure people like him. Perhaps you could agree set times to message so that he does not bother you at other times? If he just keeps promising but does not change his behaviour, then I’m afraid you are on a hiding to nothing. This is who he is. In your shoes I would cut and run – sooner rather than later.

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A female reader, chigirl Health And Fitness no He constantly needs reassuring and I am being turned off by it! Relationship & Sex     +, writes (28 December 2018):

Health And Fitness c1126cfb-b43a-4665-aae2-9fb22d4dfdd5 He constantly needs reassuring and I am being turned off by it! Relationship & Sex    Uh-oh. No, he wont get better. This tendency of his is something that usually becomes worse the more time you give it, not better. This isn’t clingy, this is obsession and control. I had a clingy boyfriend once, but he only had a need to be around me all the time and would show up uninvited. He never asked me about guys texting me or taking it the wrong way if I didnt answer a text right away etc. I once DID have a man in my life who got upset when I didnt answer texts right away, or answer his calls right away, and who demanded a lot of my time and demanded to know who was texting me etc. That man was my father, and he was violent and had borderline personality disorder. So I would run fast in the other direction if I was you. But maybe you’re more polite than me. In which case: politely tell him that you are a person who needs more trust and freedom in a relationship, and while he is a great man, you can see now that you and him are not compatible.Break it off.

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