I was talking with a guy for a little over a month and last week he invited me out on a first date. We had coffee, chatted, it was really nice. We went back to his flat share and watched 3 hours of Dave Chappelle. At one point I asked him if I could hold his hand and he said yes. It was all really sweet. We were rubbing each others hands with our thumbs. I asked him if he was okay and he said he felt weird and I asked why. He said he didn’t expect holding hands to have a reaction down there. I didn’t understand at first and then he gestured towards his genitals. I pulled my hand away from his and laughed, saying how I’ve never come across that before. We said some other stuff and he asked if I’d like to take things to his bedroom. I said no. We sat watching more tv, and eventually he drove me home. We stopped outside of mine and there was a silence and we both giggled. He said “I’d really like to kiss you please” and I said yes. After the kiss he pulled back and said “that was better than I imagined” and kissed me again.
We said our goodbyes and I got out of the car and into the house He texted me later saying he was grinning like a mad man the whole way home and how he can’t wait to see me again. That was Friday. On Sunday we met again and went for a walk and a meal. We went back to his and watched a movie. We were cuddling, then started kissing and one thing lead to another… we ended up in his bedroom. Afterwards we cuddled and he showered me in compliments. Everything felt comfortable and exciting. He invited me to sleepover so I said yes. I rang home to let them know I won’t be coming home and my Mum freaked out, which usually I don’t mind. I’m a grown woman, whose had to return to living at home temporarily, and these bursts of protectiveness from Mum I get used to. I calm her down and remind her my age, my right to do whatever I please and I’ll see her tomorrow. Meanwhile, the guy had heard all of this and was freaking out himself….that, I didn’t expect, but I dealt with as best as I could. Explaining how my Mum can be and to just let it go over his head. 3rd date was on the Wednesday, we went for food and a lovely drive. Sang to music, chatted loads. Got back to his, again one thing lead to another. More affection and soppy stuff. He takes me home. Then Friday….. I get a message saying he can’t do this anymore because he doesn’t think he’s over his ex-fiance from a 18months ago. That dating me has made him realise that and he’s so very sorry. I reacted emotionally, saying how upset I was, that he used me and got what he wanted and now he’s ending it all. He said it wasn’t like that, that he didn’t get what he wanted at all. I asked what he meant by that. He said he wanted a genuine relationship. I said, but that’s where I thought we were heading…. I thought I was reading the signals right, I was just going with the flow. Now I feel embarrassed and used. We stopped talking and a few days went by before I received another message from him saying “You deserve the truth. On Friday my manager reminded me that I’m on the transfer list to the london branch in a few months time. I didn’t want to invest in something that I’d have to end in a few months. Because I know I can’t do long distance again, it hurt too much with my ex” I appreciated his honesty… but I felt cheated out of an opinion on it all. When I think about it, I feel as though maybe he did me a favour? We hung out not long after this online interaction and I asked him is he could try? Because months from now, you never know what might happen. He relented saying he’d try but something didn’t feel right about it. So a few days later I messaged him saying that he was right, we should just be friends for now….. and although my gut instinct is telling me that’s the right choice, I’m struggling with my feelings. How do I let go? And am I right to let him go?
View related questions: his ex, kissing, living at home, long distance, my ex, text
|<– Rate this Question|
Reply to this Question
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!
A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 March 2019):
Don’t waste any more time on this one.I think all he really wanted was to bed you and once that got done… he was done with you.He shouldn’t have been pursuing you knowing full well that ALL he has to offer is sex and minimal investment, because he is still not over the ex.BLOCK and move on, Don’t WASTE your time on a guy who doesn’t SEE you as a option to date.
|<– Rate this answer|
A female reader, YouWish + ♥, writes (7 March 2019):
He is full of crap. He DID use you. He knew he wasn’t staying, that he wasn’t over his ex, so you were ego salve and he took you to the bedroom really fast, that’s for sure.What freaked him out was your discussion with your mom. He saw that you were serious about you and he being an actual serious relationship and not just a “girlfriend experience” meaning he would PRETEND to have feelings for you. He freaked because he didn’t want you to become to ATTACHED to him.What a complete and total snake. Honesty? NO, he wasn’t. He knew full well that he was out for the sex. You were just the warm body at the time.
|<– Rate this answer|