A female Health And Fitness he-insists-he-has-changed-can-it-be-true-or-is-this-all-a-front-to-win-me-back He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back? Relationship & Sex    age 30-35, *ngelic88 writes:

The Fat Decimator System

I recently posted a question a few weeks ago about my situtation of after a long break apart, my ex boyfriend is claiming and insisting he is a changed man. We have met up occasionally as “dates” which often led to dicussing our relationship and set some closure on why our relationsip fell apart in the first place, and hes trying to persude me to give it another go but I have this gut feeling that he is just saying and doing what I want to hear and see. Here are some examples:

He now claims, he is no longer negative (he was a very negative person) and now sees things differently and the break has given him a chance to “reflect on how negative he was” and hes more positive now and feeding me which feels like OTT positive vibes “you are very talented, and a great people person, you’ll ace it and I have every faith in my body in you passing. I am so proud of you”. Hes been showing off his smile even more than he ever did in the 2 years we were together (hes a very serious person) which I cant tell if its fake or not.He shows off how many new foods hes been trying where before I use to get frustrated with his lack of effort trying anything new besides chips, burgers and pizza. So one day he tried a lasange, he took 3 mouthfuls and said he was “full” instead of addmiting he didnt like it.He nows claims that money is “just money” where before he was extremely careful with it which was a good thing compared to how he is now by almost flaunting it like its nothing to him.For someone who wanted a child more than anything in the world and originally isisted that we should have kids before marriage because he didnt want to be too old being a father….Now claims he wants them last or not atall (which is my belief)And finally before our last meet up he was telling me how much he didnt want to loose me and how much he wanted to save us, and he lashed out at me that I only want to “date other men” till the other day he said “If you dont want to try again I wont stop you, im not going to fight for you. If you want to date other people I wont like it but so be it”. I just dont know how to feel anymore. I appreciate his efforts to try, but is it really genuine? Because hes given mixed signals to how he use to be or say to now.. Theres no point pretending your a new person when you know in time it will dwindle and thats whats stopping me from trying. In the end of the day he should be doing it for him not me. And he insists its all for him, but then why does he keep bringing up all these changes and show off about them to me? He was always a complicated person beforehand where I never could tell if he was being truthful or not by often hiding what he really thinks or feels till an argument occured and it would all lash out in the heat of it. No matter what I say now he has an anwer for evething, so matter what I question him on hes already got an answer and I dont know what else to say or do. Would you say he really has changed?

View related questions: money, my ex

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A male reader, Code Warrior Health And Fitness he-insists-he-has-changed-can-it-be-true-or-is-this-all-a-front-to-win-me-back-1 He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (16 November 2018):

Health And Fitness he-insists-he-has-changed-can-it-be-true-or-is-this-all-a-front-to-win-me-back He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back? Relationship & Sex    My rule is that I’ll have a person in my life if their good qualities outweigh their bad qualities and their bad qualities are things I can live with. If I can’t live with a person’s bad qualities then I won’t have them in my life. That way, I don’t ask people to change, I accept or reject them however they are.Asking someone to change is a fool’s errand. A person can only truly change when they decide it’s necessary. They recognize their need to change, they take steps to make the change, and then thry proceed to live the new way regardless of the opinion of others.My policy when dealing with people who promise to change is to tell them not to do it for me, do it for the future because I won’t be involved with them regardless. I will simply move on. That doesn’t mean I don’t want them to succeed or don’t care, it means that I’m not going to be a part of it and I’m not going to be there through the inevitable relapses. Also, I point out that just because I don’t like some behavior, doesn’t mean that I’m right and it doesn’t mean they’re wrong, it’s simply an incompatibility that I’m choosing not to resolve.The problem that I have with him is that he’s trying to point out his changes instead of just being the new way and letting you figure it out as time goes by. That tells me that he’s trying to sell you on the idea in order to impress you.When I decide to make a change, I just do it and let my actions speak for me. For example, I recently started the Atkins diet again. All of a sudden, I just changed my eating. My wife noticed and asked what was up. I told her I was doing Atkins again. She started buying more protien based foods. I didn’t promise anything, I didn’t request that she respect my food choices, and it’s of no consequence to me whether she likes it or not. I’m doing it for myself and I refuse to impose my changes on others. I will adapt my eating to whatever situation I find myself in. I didn’t ask my wife to shop for different food, she just chose to do that on her own.To my way of thinking, you don’t announce your changes, nor do you seek approval or recognition. You make the change and if the world notices and asks, then you explain, if it doesn’t notice or ask, then you don’t explain. I am suspicious when someone makes proclamations or seeks approval of their changes.If I were you, I’d terminate the relationship. But I’m not you. If you want to, I don’t see the harm in dating him again. However, you should not concern yourself about his feelings. You should tell him that he’s starting at square one, and you don’t want to hear about his life changes, nor will you give him feedback on how he’s doing. If he asks for feedback, or tries to point out how he’s changed some behavior, you’ll end the relationship without explanation. He will be judged by his actions and behavior, and if you don’t like them, you’ll end the relationship without explanation. He must understand that you will not tolerate any drama and no further chances will be given. Furthermore, you should tell him that you’re not exclusive with him. You’re just dating. He has no say in your life and you have no say in his and you will not discuss your dating habits. If, at some point, you both decide to be exclusive with each other, only then will the situation between you change.Hopefully, you find something useful in what I’ve said. Good luck.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious Health And Fitness he-insists-he-has-changed-can-it-be-true-or-is-this-all-a-front-to-win-me-back He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (16 November 2018):

Health And Fitness he-insists-he-has-changed-can-it-be-true-or-is-this-all-a-front-to-win-me-back-1 He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back? Relationship & Sex    You have a gut instinct for good reason. For crying out loud, listen to it. And secondly but just a importantly, stop messing this guy around. Unless you are wanting to get back with him, stop going on “dates” with him. It gives him false expectations. He is bending over backwards to be what YOU want him to be. It is not what he REALLY is and you know it. You have seen the REAL person and you didn’t get on with him. How long do you think he can keep up this false front? More importantly, is it fair to expect him to compromise on everything he believes just to make you happy? Hold out for someone who genuinely wants the same things in life as you do. Don’t try to force a square peg into a round hole. It just won’t fit. And stop yanking this guy’s chain by “dating” him. Cut him loose to find someone who will be a better match for him. You know you both deserve better.

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A female reader, Honeypie Health And Fitness he-insists-he-has-changed-can-it-be-true-or-is-this-all-a-front-to-win-me-back-1 He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (16 November 2018):

Health And Fitness he-insists-he-has-changed-can-it-be-true-or-is-this-all-a-front-to-win-me-back-2 He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back? Relationship & Sex    If all the changes (or the majority of them) are thing you pointed out as “flaws” or things that wasn’t compatible with you…Then I think he is trying to BE the man you want him to be and this “change” or “act” won’t last.The fact that YOU don’t TRUST him now and you didn’t trust him fully before, that isn’t going to change IN your because HE has decided to be a better man (even if it is temporarily).Now, he might actually want to change and that can help him in his future, whoever, YOU know the old him like the back of your hand and you WILL be waiting for the other shoe to drop.I think sometimes there is just too much water under the bridge to make a broken relationship work again. You can’t erase the past (neither can he) and you can’t really start over with him with a blank slate because there IS history between you two.I honestly think that you BOTH will do better with a NEW partner. A partner that is better SUITED to each of you and your temperaments and personalities.

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A female reader, janniepeg Health And Fitness he-insists-he-has-changed-can-it-be-true-or-is-this-all-a-front-to-win-me-back-2 He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (16 November 2018):

Health And Fitness he-insists-he-has-changed-can-it-be-true-or-is-this-all-a-front-to-win-me-back-3 He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back? Relationship & Sex    His changes are topical and probably not long lasting. Real change comes when you reconcile with sad things that happen in the past and can feel at peace with your life today. You don’t want an effort at acting. Change has to come from within so that even when you are not smiling or doing anything at all, loving energy effortlessly flow from you. A negative person who caused you to want to break up should not be dating at all. It’s better for you to meet someone else. He may need psychotherapy or cognitive behavioral therapy. If he thinks that just saying certain things and being the opposite of how he acted before would win you back, then he has very little understanding about relationships.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice Health And Fitness he-insists-he-has-changed-can-it-be-true-or-is-this-all-a-front-to-win-me-back-1 He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (16 November 2018):

Health And Fitness he-insists-he-has-changed-can-it-be-true-or-is-this-all-a-front-to-win-me-back-4 He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back? Relationship & Sex    I just have one stupid question. Are you looking for someone who doesn’t say what you want to hear? or do what you want to see?to rephrase the question, Is there actually anything this guy could do to win you back?Best you tell him right away.

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A male reader, N91 Health And Fitness he-insists-he-has-changed-can-it-be-true-or-is-this-all-a-front-to-win-me-back He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (16 November 2018):

Health And Fitness 977e3106-6f9b-4a08-abba-678cab1a22f1 He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back? Relationship & Sex    You broke up for a reason. The relationship doesn’t work and you’re not a good match.Having another go won’t be any different, he’s likely to slip back into his old ways and remind you why you broke up in the first place. You already are doubting how genuine these ‘changes’ are and it’s with good reason.Move on, tell him it’s over. Find someone that you don’t need to give second chances.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Health And Fitness au He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (16 November 2018):

Health And Fitness 49f157e9-364f-4a56-bc91-249c21db156e He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back? Relationship & Sex    Probably not, its very difficult to make changes to yourself in a short period of time, it can take months, or years of conscious effort and often also requires the input of sessions with a counsellor or therapist.The fact he is lashing out is a red flag. There is also the issue of your gut feelings, that’s your intuition, or inner voice, kicking, in, I suggest you listen very carefully to it. Good luck!

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Health And Fitness au He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (16 November 2018):

Health And Fitness 49f157e9-364f-4a56-bc91-249c21db156e He insists he has changed, can it be true? Or is this all a front to win me back? Relationship & Sex    Probably not, its very difficult to make changes to yourself in a short period of time, it can take months, or years of conscious effort and often also requires the input of sessions with a counsellor or therapist.The fact he is lashing out is a red flag. There is also the issue of your gut feelings, that’s your intuition, or inner voice, kicking, in, I suggest you listen very carefully to it. Good luck!

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