I’ve got a dilemma. Last year I was studying in the US for a semester, and I fell for someone. We tried to ignore our feelings for a long time because I wouldn’t be staying, but the electricity between us was like nothing else I’ve ever felt before. We flirted endlessly while pretending we weren’t, and it was so exciting. Besides that we also just got along amazingly well, hung out a lot, talked about our whole life stories, hope and dreams, and really bonded. We went out for a goodbye dinner the night before I left, and we finally gave in to the chemistry and I went home with him. It felt so right and normal to sleep with him, as though we’d done been together a long time, but I knew I had to go and it probably wouldn’t ever happen again. I cried so much when I left.
Since I got home we’ve stayed in touch. We try to keep contact down so that we can concentrate on our lives though. He’s not originally from the US but has been there many years and is currently starting his own business there. He’s four years older than me and has his life all set up. I have either one or three more years to study here (I’m considering a Master’s), I have little money and I’m very stressed all the time. I try to focus on my life and not depend on him, but usually after a couple of weeks without talking one of us will send the other a message to catch up and we launch into a 3 or 4 hour conversation. Then after a few days of talking I panic that those feelings are so strong but so impossible to pursue, and try to cut down contact again. He says I can have all the space I need and he understands it’s difficult for me to do this right now, but it’s never a permanent thing, just getting air. One of us always gets back in touch.He has told me he loves me, though I’ve let him know I can’t say that right now, which he has also been understanding about. But I feel like I do love him. It’s so much more than just physical, there is really something special here that I didn’t have with my last boyfriends (I’ve been single for nearly 2 years after a bad breakup). But it’s so impractical and I don’t know whether to pursue it and try to make it work somehow, or try to bring it to an end. It feels like something from a movie. He says he’s never given up on something he really wanted, everything he has in life he achieved through perseverance and if I believe in us, we will happen, no matter how long it takes. But I just can’t be that optimistic.I know I want to settle in Ireland. Although I love traveling short term, I don’t want to leave for good. I was unhappy and felt out of place in the US and didn’t make any close friends, just acquaintances, apart from this one guy. He actually doesn’t really have any friends there either. He had a horrific childhood and says before he met me he felt like an alien who couldn’t really connect to people or truly fall for anyone. Of course I feel special for being the first person he feels this way about, and I want to be with him to love him and care for him, but it also feels like a big responsibility. I’ve had my heart broken before and I don’t want to be the one to break his heart. I want to make his life better, not worse.He’s so enthusiastic and certain that I am the one for him. He has talked about how easy it would be to fly me out to him (he has lots of money), but I know with all my commitments here I’d only be able to visit. I’ve daydreamed about him meeting me at the airport, but then I think of how awful it would be to have to say goodbye again over and over. I can’t imagine him moving here, and I have never wanted to live out there. He doesn’t have anyone to leave as he is estranged from his abusive family, whereas I have all my close family and friends…but he has his work and his business and I know they are really important to him. He says work was his whole life before me, but now he wants both…and I don’t see how that can happen.Can love really “conquer all” as he believes? Is it worth trying to figure something out? If I do need to end this, how can I help us both move on? I care so much for him and don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t feel I can uproot myself for him. I want his fairytale to come true but I guess I’m too much of a realist because I just can’t allow myself to truly believe in it. Could I be letting “the one” go if I break this off? I’ve never met anyone like him before and can’t go a day without thinking about him. I really don’t know what to do for the best.
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