I recently met a guy who’s an actor so his life is definitely in London. My life definitely isn’t in London. I don’t want to live there. I established this when my performer ex got a job there and it was the end of our relationship.
We met a couple of weeks ago and I deemed him to be a ‘safe flirt’ while single and a bit of a boost for myself because I was attracted to him, (having realised I actually recognise him from shows I’ve seen) while knowing it definitely didn’t have a future because of differing goals and cities. We met up last week and had the most amazing time together. We unexpectedly just clicked and were both ridiculously attracted to eachother. Since then we’ve talked for hours on the phone each night. The problem for me is, knowing I want a completely different future to this guy is making me ridiculously panicky – for one, Ive been in a relationship with a performer before, and the lifestyle insecurity/touring and having to fit my life around someone else’s work is exhausting.. I know it’s a bad idea due to our different lives, but I’m so attracted to him that I find I can’t stop communicating with him. Also, because I initially though it was a no-go anyway, I flirted a lot and was super open about everything. He knows when I want to have kids, what turns me on etc. Things that you don’t tell someone you’re dating until it gradually, naturally happens, but this has all happened SO intensely. I’m driving myself mad with this! I know I need to cut communication back to a minimum (I don’t want to lose touch with him), but I think not only am I really attracted to him, but he’s successful and super talented and I’ve got a feeling of fear of missing out on his next career move, and the excitement of being the girlfriend being involved in his exciting public side of life. I know he’s instantly been really attracted to me and would love for it to work, but I know it can’t, if it’s for no other reason than this already insane anxiety I’m feeling about this situation. How on earth do I deal with my feelings here? They’re SO intense because I feel like I’m punching way above my weight, and I’ve got total fear of missing out on something amazing he does. Please help!
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A male reader, N91 + ♥, writes (31 October 2018):
I’m guessing you didn’t like the answers that the aunts and uncles gave the other day?You have already been through all of this in the past, why are you contemplating doing it again? You didn’t miss out on anything with your ex so what will you miss this time?If you both know that it CANNOT work, why are you still wasting your time?
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A female reader, janniepeg + ♥, writes (31 October 2018):
I think the next topic to talk about is whether he can move outside of London. If he must be in London now, then when he can settle down somewhere else. Other things to talk about is when he wants to get married, and if the acting career doesn’t work out, what are his backup plans. He is not your ex. You might be letting your past relationship influence this one. In order to make this work, he has to put a lot of effort into ensuring you that he can fit his life around you, making you the center instead and to accommodate your desire to not live in London.
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