How can we make this better for this child?
A few years ago, my family brought in a 13 year old troubled child and raised him as his Mum wanted nothing to do with him. She threw him out of the house with nothing but the clothes he was wearing. We got help through Social Care and school and now everything is going ok. Fast forward 5 years and he still has nothing to do with his Mum. He doesn’t want to know her and has moved on in his life, got an apartment, nice girlfriend etc. The problem is, is now Mum is telling anyone that would listen that this young man is evil, troubled and that my family kidnapped him. She is playing the massive victim and making people feel sorry for her, but at the same time, hate him. It’s such a shame. She has even turned his young siblings against him. She got him arrested because he was sticking up for his brother when she was being cruel to him. It was dropped in court though as we handed over the Social Care records. We want her to stop bad mouthing him and trying to ruin his life. She had also told his siblings that ‘if xxxxx has children, she hopes he will allow the children to see her, but he won’t because he is a bad man’. This was said to a 10 year old. Advice please!
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 October 2018):
You can’t really “make” her stop. UNFORTUNATELY.However, if she post these things in WRITTEN form it’s libel and slander (especially if he can probe it) and can be a matter for the courts. IF she is using social media like Facebook, he CAN try and contact Facebook and ask (demand) that everything she is writing is removed. BUT again, that can be hard.All he can do about his siblings is talk to the Social Care system and see if there is a case for them to be removed, again not an easy thing to do in the UK (or the US). But they won’t REMOVE kids because she is badmouthing an older sibling.Maybe what he needs to consider is getting AWAY from her toxicity. Which means move to an areas SHE doesn’t know and have NO contact with her. To build and live his life AS he wants.HE is HER biggest failure. Because he succeeded when she didn’t want him to, THAT is her beef with him.My guess is that people who KNOWS him, who gets to know him will KNOW she is full of shit.The people who feel sorry for her, probably DOESN’T know the full story and doesn’t know him. And let’s be honest here a minute… HOW many people who has ANY KIND of common sense would believe your family “kidnapped” him? I mean if people who believe that… those are NOT the kind of people I would want around.Again, you can’t MAKE someone be a decent human being. Unfortunately, his mom is a piece of crap.I would contact a lawyer/solicitor If you have PROOF that her badmouthing is damaging his life or career (and I don’t mean emotional damage as that isn’t measurable or subject to the law) but financially for instance.And while it SUCKS that HE might have to move away and start over, it might be the best thing for him.
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