So, there’s this young man. We’ve been together for a couple of months although we’ve known each other for longer than that. The mutual attraction developed slowly over several months until at one point it was undeniable, but it still took us a couple of dates to work up the courage to admit our feelings. We work in the same company but we keep it very professional and try to not make it obvious (although I think some of my closest colleagues already suspect it). We have a lot in common and even some coworkers have said jokingly that we seem very compatible personality-wise, apparently because we’re both pretty shy and huge nerds. He’s a great listener, I can talk to him about aything for hours and it never gets stale or awkward. He’s also very caring and affectionate and made me realize how touch-starved I had been all this time. I’ve never felt this way before about someone else and I truly want this relationship to work.
We haven’t had sex yet. I never outright told him that I’m a virgin (tried to, but felt too embarrassed to say it out loud for some reason) but he pretty much guessed it at some point early on. He’s been really sweet and understanding about it, never pressuring me into anything I’m not comfortable with. I’m 28 and a virgin not because of religious reasons or anything, but I’ve always had trouble making new friends and I guess I never met the right person before. Being a virgin in my late 20s is not something I like to talk about -once I had to begrudgingly admit to my OBGYN that I’d never had any kind of sexual contact, which was a bit awkward- but I try to not think much about it or let it affect my daily life. It’s not that I’m completely clueless about sex. In fact a few random times I’ve found myself daydreaming/fantasizing about the idea of having sex with him and the thought is appealing to me, I do get horny thinking about it. I’ve started carrying condoms in my bag everywhere I go just in case, which is something I never felt the need to do before.Problem is, when we’re alone and start to get intimate, my mind goes into overdrive and I start thinking about the mechanics of it and I feel… I guess you could call it “stage fright”. And then my libido takes a nosedive and I freeze. I’ve told him as much, and he assured me that there’s no need to rush and he’s happy to follow whatever pace I keep until I feel more comfortable. I got self-conscious because I know he’s been in at least a long term relationship before so I assume he’s more experienced than me. He said I shouldn’t worry about him getting bored and that he’s not going anywhere. I’m feeling very frustrated with myself about it. I know it’s still early in the relationship and I knew beforehand that it takes some time to relax and get used to it when you have no prior sexual experience. I just fear that things are going to stay like this with no development and was wondering if anyone has been through a similar experience.
View related questions: co-worker, condom, horny, libido, shy
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