It’s been over 3 months since me and my ex broke up. Tonight a mutual friend said he has been really low for a few weeks and that could I talk to him.
I had blocked him on everything and although I felt okay, I wasn’t sure it was a good idea….I decided to unblock him and send a slightly cold message along the lines of “Hi. A mutual friend said you were low, I don’t see how I can help. If you would rather talk to someone else, just say.” So it’s kind of obvious I didn’t want a conversation. He replied and…..I just snapped. Everything I never said before, exploded out of me then. I told him how much of an a**hole he was for sexting another girl 2 days after I miscarried our child. I was sarcastic and condescending. And I just let out all the stuff I should’ve said before about how he treated me. He kept saying sorry and “I’m trying to better myself and make amends, all I can say is sorry”…. so many sorry’s…and they all felt hollow. Nothing he said seemed like enough to make me feel better for how he treated me. And that really concerned me… how am I supposed to move on and forgive, when talking to the person gets me nowhere?OH and just so you know, I’m never getting back with him, I just don’t want to harbour this anger anymore.
View related questions: broke up, move on, my ex
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A female reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (15 September 2018):
‘So it’s kind of obvious I didn’t want a conversation.’….actually that’s exactly how it looked, but maybe this time you got something out of it. He sex texts another woman 2 days after you miscarry and some bimbo ‘mutual friend’ has the nerve to ask you to call and help HIM??What irks me about folks like this, and we’ve all known plenty of them is that by their actions they are really saying one of two things: 1) your ex has been a buzz kill since you broke up. Would you please call and fix him for me” and 2) Whatever pain you experienced that led to this break up isn’t nearly as bad as what your ex feels now. Your ex feels low because he behaved ‘low’ and it didn’t work out for him. That is not the same as remorse. Notice he didn’t call you to make amends, to own his actions and ask how YOU were doing. Maybe some of your anger comes from that, and the fear that despite being a little wiser today, you are still vulnerable to someone like him in the future. When we think we’re angry about the past, it’s often because the conditions that allowed something to happen to us in the past continue to exist in the present. In any event, it’s only been three months. Take whatever steps you need to protect yourself and let time do the rest. And don’t listen to that bozo friend again.
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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (15 September 2018):
Sounds like you were keeping a lid on your anger for the past 3 months. Hopefully you will start feeling better now that you have lifted that lid and released the anger. It is not going to happen overnight. You are still on a “high” from your conversation with your ex, still running on adrenalin. However, once you “come down”, you should start to feel better. Did you get counselling to help you get over the loss of your baby? If not, then it might be a good idea to consider getting some. Your grief will be mixed with feelings of anger at your ex. Coming to terms with our loss may help enormously to moving on from your ex. In your shoes I would also block him on everything again so that he cannot contact you again. Tell your mutual friend(s) that you have no interest in speaking with him again and that they are not to pass on any messages from him. Sending hugs. I hope you start to heal soon.
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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2018):
Only you can draw a line under that. You have every right to be angry and when a relationship breaks down like bereavement we tend to go through a grieving process, look it up, you are at the anger stage. You can’t hold onto it forever, so at some point you will get to the acceptance stage, so long as you don’t become bitter from this experience.You cannot say for sure whether he really feels bad or not, only he knows that. You have said how you feel, maybe you are disappointed you lashed out?? Work on yourself and healing from what has happened, accept that this is one man and they are not going to be all the same, if you adopt that attitude you will become bitter. Let him go and don’t contact him again if you do not want to, it is not your place to make him feel better and you knew this deep down.Time is a healer, focus on people you are close to, try and do fun things so not to sit dwelling on what has happened and be kind to yourself, you was angry, you had every right to be, now choose a day very soon and draw a line under it.Best of luck
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