Well, I’m here posting on this site again. I probably started complaining about my singleness close to three years in. Now, sometime in March, it’ll have been seven years… Seven. Years. I’ve been on three dates in that time and they all sucked. Immensely. I just turned twenty-six a month ago, haven’t had sex, haven’t had a first kiss, never even held hands. I don’t know what kind of karma I’ve earned to be in this mess, but this has been the loneliest I’ve ever been.
No one believes me when I say I’ve tried everything but I have really tried everything. And I’ve even read every self help book I could get my hands on to make myself a decent person and while I think I’m actually I’m pretty good even that hasn’t seemed to work. But no matter what or how I try, I can’t seem to hold anyone’s attention enough to think I would make a good romantic partner. Although I feel I should mention that I have not been having the best of times in general anyway.The past probably two and a half years have been full of letdowns and things that I’ve suddenly become responsible for that probably would make trying to date difficult, but at the same time things that would have made having a significant others support comforting which is probably why this is so painful. And since it won’t seem to end enough for me to get out on my own and start focusing on myself I don’t know when or if I’d ever gain that support Despite all that, the biggest issue I’m having recently is that Saturday I have to go to a friend ‘friendsgivingsmas’ party. And as much as I love my friends, they are all in the happiest of relationships. Literally. Want to know how I know they’re all stupid happy? They won’t let me forget it. It’s always a snapchat of one couple here, a group text spam of another couple there. And whenever we get together in person someone always asks what’s knew in my dating life, and I always have to answer ‘nothing.’ Know what i’ve noticed? No one asks if I’m okay in my solitude (even though I don’t think I’d admit I’m not. Everywhere you look you get advice and comments on why you should love being single but if no one wants to be it…clearly they know it sucks and they’re only saying it to make themselves feel better for offering anything). I don’t want to go to this soiree and be the only single in the room….again. And I don’t want to have to go through the motions of having to answer the ‘how’s dating’ question without having an emotional breakdown. On top of that my best friend is the last to start a new relationship, and since she considers me practically her sister (in which I do too) she always lets me know how her relationship is going, and somehow when she needs advice she turns to me. But like…why? Why would she ask someone so painfully single how to fix the newest relationship issue to arise? She’s actually told me it’s because I ‘keep her grounded’ and my ‘objective opinion on the situation makes for a smart perspective’ which is nice and all but still… If that’s true then that should mean I would have a great relationship if my advice on them is so great…but I don’t. Now that she’s started this new one she says dude treats her like royalty, but I’m just waiting for the next time she texts me or asks me what’s up or the first issue to arise (maybe there won’t be any and she won’t, nor will she celebrate in my face hopefully) and I don’t honestly feel like I can take it. I don’t want to be a terrible friend but I just want to dodge it as hard as I can. I don’t even want to talk about it with anyone. At the same time this ‘friendsgivingsmas’ group of friends (best friend is actually long distance) I want to be able to tell them I’ve finally hit a point where I just can’t take it anymore. I hate my singleness and I don’t feel like I can handle the snaps and the updates and…I forget. When they get together they tend to play the which relationship has what in common game. Like ‘don’t you hate when your boyfriend…*looks to me* oh sorry, not you, but you guys…don’t you hate when…’ I’m sure it’s not malicious but dang does it hurt like it is. I want to put a stop to all that, but I don’t know what to say or how to say it. I know with everything else going on I’m just extra emotional, but this has been my longest running problem so it’s also my most sensitive. How do I deal with all of this?
View related questions: best friend, long distance, text
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A male reader, Code Warrior + ♥, writes (30 November 2018):
There are reasons you haven’t been able to get dates. I’ve no idea what they are, but having that few in that time span would indicate that guys aren’t atrracted to you for some reason. It could be that you project an off putting vibe. Or, it could be that your looks are off putting. I’ve no idea since I don’t know what you look like our how you present yourself. All I know is that you’ve had 3 shitty dates and you’ve grown envious of your friends.Why did your 3 dates suck? How would you rate your looks? How do you think others would rate your looks? How do you rate your personality? How do you think others would rate your personality?As for the rest of your post, it’s clear that you’re envious. Envy is a natural reaction, but it’s not something you should dwell on because it sours your attitude, becomes off-putting, and eventually drives people away. I get that you’re sick of them talking about their relationships to you, but relationships are the primary thing that people discuss, so, either suck it up, or become a hermit.Also, if you think your looks shouldn’t matter, you’re wrong. They do matter. You need to put your best foot forward.Everyone can give you platitides, but platitudes aren’t going to help you with this. You really need to take an honest look at yourself in order to improve your chances of getting dates.
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