Hi everyone! I started dating a man recently and he has a 2 year old boy from a previous relationship. I met his kid twice so far and he doesn’t seem to like me at all! He turns his head around when i talk to him and he doesn’t want to talk to me or let me touch him. It doesn’t help either that he speaks very little for his age and his english is not very good yet, both his parents are not native English. What can i do to approach him? To make him like me? It’s very important to me. And his father, my boyfriend tells me not to worry about it and that he just needs time. I know that, but i just need some advice on how to behave and what to say that may make him like me soon. I am not very good with kids in general. Please help!
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A male reader, WiseOwlE + ♥, writes (15 November 2018):
Kids warm-up to you, and don’t like it when people try to rush them. He’s only two, and strangers are scary and confusing. Very rarely do children take to strangers at that age; and sometimes they may never like you the way you want them to.Be patient, gentle, and give him time. Kids are also very sensitive to anxiety or nervousness in adults; it’s a built-in instinct to shy from unfamiliar adults. It’s nature’s safety-mechanism that protects them from harm.Just seeing how you and his dad get along will build a little trust; but at that age, it might take a little time.If he’s shy and not very social, you’ll scare him; no matter how nice you are to him. Just don’t try too hard, or show disappointment in your facial-expression. It’s no reflection on you, and it shouldn’t have any bearing on your date’s opinion of you. Just because you’re female, doesn’t mean kids will eagerly take to you. Kids can be fickle, and take easily to some people, but scream when others approach!They have to know you first. Some tots are immediately friendly; because they are naturally out-going and develop social-skills very early-on in age. Some just don’t.
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 November 2018):
He is two years old and YOU are a stranger. OF course he doesn’t INSTANTANEOUSLY like you!Many two year old are VERY particular about strangers and someone like you, who tries TOO HARD, are often ignores because it doesn’t come across as genuine. Yes, a two year old can tell.LET him come to you.When you meet him say hi, “bob” and smile and then go on to more or less ignore him. If I compared small children to cats… I don’t really think I would be far off. If you TRY and pet a cat and befriend it, IT WILL IGNORE you. If you IGNORE the cat, you are then more interesting.You can’t MAKE him like you. It’s that simple. But you CAN become someone he will warm up to over time.LEARN (from your BF) how to say hi in their native language.You wouldn’t want a stranger to TOUCH you, so logic would follow that kids don’t either. Don’t force this.Sometimes something as simple as a smile, a wink, or funny face is enough to garner interest.He will come to you. For now YOU are a stranger. And most two year old are NOT into strangers.How do I know? Well, for starters I worked in a daycare for a couple of years 9 months – 6 year old kids. And I have 3 kids of my own. Some younger second cousins/great nieces/nephews. Chill.You can’t hurry this and you can’t force it either. Kids don’t like fake or desperate people. Because they haven’t learned to social skills to “pretend” to be polite.So, back off. Learn a few of HIS words, and don’t be handsy or grabby. His DAD knows his son and is right that the kid just needs time.
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