I unintentionally insulted a girl I liked.
She told me how she struggled with school in the past. I tried to care for her and said “It must be difficult for you”. She misinterpreted my meaning, got angry and thought I looked down on her intelligence. I know she got angry because she said she was smarter than me.I apologized to her 6 weeks after the insultI said “I want to tell you I am very sorry for what I have said to you on Xth of December and for making you unhappy.”She said “What did you say that made me unhappy? I couldn’t remember.”Considering the situation I didn’t remind her what I said exactly in December that insulted her and what happened that day.The next week I apologized to her again but again didn’t remind her what happened on the day of the insult and what exactly I said.She said “I don’t know what you said that made me unhappy. What did you say?”I said “I am worried I may have said something that offended you. Was there anything I ever said from December till now that may have made you unhappy?”She said “No. I don’t remember what you said. Don’t scare me. Otherwise I won’t talk to you again.”So I want her to know I want to take full responsibility for my mistake and said “I am worried I may have said something that made you unhappy. If I did, I want to say I am extremely sorry.”She still talks to me but is less friendly and sometimes say things a little mean to me. She was more talkative before the accidental insult.Because of the little mean things she says to me, I don’t know if she actually still remembers and is still angry with me.There are moments I feel maybe I should make another apology to her. But this time remind her “exactly” what I said on the day of the insult that made her angry and what “exactly” happened that day.But she already told me if I apologize again she will be scared and probably won’t talk to me again.(1)What can I do to make things return to the things they were before the accidental insult?(2)What can I do to build a better relationship with her again?
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 March 2019):
Leave her be. STOP apologizing over and over. Apologizing 6 WEEKS after you said something SHE interpreted as insulting is ..well a bit too late.If she is now more standoffish, I’d stop trying to “fix” things and I would perhaps leave her be.She has TOLD you to STOP apologizing and what she MEANT is STOP apologizing and STOP bringing it up CONSTANTLY, she is OVER the “drama” and doesn’t want or need your apology. YOU are ONLY shooting yourself in the foot by keeping to apologize.I don’t think she is keen on you. And I don’t think it was over a “one time slip of the tongue mistake”.If you pull back a little and SHE IS interested… she will pick up the slack. IF she doesn’t… well, then you KNOW to move on.You CAN’T MAKE someone interested IN you. ACCEPT and RESPECT that tidbit.
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