I’m struggling to get through life without always being hurt or angry. I have no real friends that care. I have friends that use me when I have money and when they have money, they invite others and meet in secret to teach me a lesson.
I recently decided to use little money I had to get out, put diesel in, made effort to go see friends that had been asking me to come out , do I reached in my small budget,. I was told to meet 4 friends, so I made my way only to find them leaving. They all had to go. So I jus greeted them and let them leave. Feeling like a fool for turning up for no reason. In other words to annoy me that I’m not always unavailable at their command, although I agreee to come they gave me a time when they finished. I don’t understand why I was told to come when they jus met rather than the end. So imagining turning up to say bye.Mentally this messed me up as I went into negative thoughts that not one but 4 friends done this. And speaking to them individually just meant they are talking about me together. Anyway I ignored it and moved on, mustering last bit of energy for another friend who I called up:He responded yeah sure, I was happy somebody wants to speak to Me. When I arrived this friend threw up 3 times. I felt like I was talking to a wall. He went to pub before meeting Me so was heavily intoxicated. Although his intelligent, works etc. So I left his, sitting in my car feeling so alone. So many people in the world but no one to talk to. No one actually cares. Unfortunately I can’t get those two events out of my head. I feel inadequate, loser, waste of space. Like no one actually cares, not about my life or problems but jus enough to be normal and not intoxicated. Im struggling in life and my weaknesses are mocked. I know my life will be fine soon, it’s jus this period.Unfortunately I have withdrawn from friends. As you can see from two examples I have become mentally weak. I love the darkness it makes me feel safe and not alone however it’s now becoming unbearable. No exercise, foods hobby, activity will replace human interaction. I get sick and tired of my own brain, my own boring thoughts, same songs, same tv, and now unfortunately the same boring darkness. I thought your 20’s are your best times. Believe me you cannot find a more positive person than me, you cannot be more enthusiastic or determined. I was full of life, but all investments I made in people have let me down. Im the kind of person if I see a stranger in need I will help. Is it because I’m nice? Well no I jus want someone to talk to. Someone to say thanks or feel like I helped. I look for homeless jus to see if I can help or talk. Not because I’m charitable, but because I’m a loner. What is there possibly left that I could do? Due to lack of decent friends I have to go on walks alone, I spent a lot of time on my computer, in my room. I sometimes spend about 15 hours in bed, simply because there is nothing to do. I have designed so many things alone, contributed to ideas and concepts. I would love to share my day with a friend but no one is interested. I envy people who have friends that care, that actually want to know their business. I don’t go on social media, to avoid being depressed although my life isn’t bad in jus fed up of being alone. Yes I could go out and speak to people today, they will all want something from me otherwise I’m useless.
View related questions: depressed, money, period
|<– Rate this Question|
Reply to this Question
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!