I met a girl in September at college and was interested in her from the first time I saw her. She was very quiet and never really spoke to anyone but she just captured my attention. Two weeks in we had to pair up for an assignment, and I asked her to work with me. Once she started talking I found she is really smart and funny and great company. We just clicked and got on really well. We talked via text a lot, about the project but also just what we were up to and stuff. It took about a week for her to casually mention her boyfriend in conversation. I’d had no idea she was seeing someone and I was crushed, but hopefully didn’t show it at all. I pretty much resigned myself to the fact that she was with him, but still wanted to be her friend. Just being around her makes me feel alive. I hadn’t had much of a social life for a while. I also loved seeing her open up more, as she really became more lively and happy over time.
Once she mentioned how pretty another girl is, and I told her she’s far prettier and her boyfriend is a lucky guy. She started being a bit flirty from then on, holding eye contact and giggling and standing a bit too close to me and stuff. On nights out, she’d send me selfies saying she missed me. We hung out after class sometimes, and when we went our separate ways one day I said something like “Alright, bye, hugs and kisses” and she went “Oh you wish!”. It was that kind of thing, like flirty banter. It was fun and she never acted like she wanted it to stop. Eventually she admitted she finds me attractive too. I couldn’t believe she really liked me back. We basically told each other our whole life stories, and all about her home life and family problems, but she never introduced me to her boyfriend or talked about him much. We were texting all the time and I felt like I was really falling for her. Then last week our class went out to celebrate the end of the semester and we all ended up in a bar drinking. I’ve gotten to know a few more people by this time but I mostly stuck by her. She took my hand under the table and it felt like an electric shock. I’d wanted to hold her hand for so long. She later pulled me away behind a wall and kissed me and I felt like I never wanted to let her go. But then soon we had to go back to the rest and act like nothing happened. She left before me with some of the girls, and when she gave me a hug goodbye she kissed my neck.The next day she called me crying and said she told her boyfriend what she did, and she’s sorry but she can’t talk to me anymore. She said she really cares for me but she was content with just him before she met me and she wants to stay with him. I don’t know what to do. She always seemed so happy and full of life with me compared to how she was a few months ago. It felt like we connected and understood each other, and it felt right to be with her. What do I do now? I’ll still have to be in her class next semester. We only have that one module in common, we’re from different courses, but it will be excruciating to have her there and not be able to talk to her. Every time my phone goes off I think she’s messaging me, but since that call there’s been no contact. I don’t know how to let her go. I just want to be with her and I felt like she wanted to be with me too. I don’t want to throw away that connection we had. I don’t have any very close friends to talk about this with and I can’t stop thinking about her.
View related questions: crush, flirt, has a boyfriend, move on, text
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A male reader, Code Warrior + ♥, writes (17 December 2018):
N91 nailed it. Nuff said.
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A male reader, N91 + ♥, writes (17 December 2018):
Sounds to me like she was going through a rough patch with her BF, possibly no intimacy, lost the spark, something along those lines. Then you came along and gave her the attention she was missing from her partner and it gave her some excitement so she went along with it.She had one too many, got a little carried away and then the next day the guilt overcame her and she owned up to what she did, realised that she wants to stay with her BF and then must of made amends and then made the decision to work at her relationship. You need to accept this now. It might suck but it’s life, you knew she had a BF when you started speaking to her so it’s not much of a surprise that this situation has come about. You were a fling, nothing more, you need to get this into your head and accept it. There isn’t going to be a message coming through from her again, she’s realised that she made a mistake and she’s trying to rectify it with her partner. You need to keep your mind occupied as to not dwell on what’s happened. Find a new hobby, pick up extra shifts at work, anything to stop yourself from sitting moping around as that won’t help anything. Take this as a lesson not to pursue girls that are in a relationship already as it rarely ends well. Even if she did break up with her BF over this, just remember that she would of CHEATED to be with you. That is a terrible foundation for a new relationship.
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