So, about a year ago I lost my father to stage 4 cancer. I cry and have break downs, when I see his photo, or if I see a video of him, or if hear a voicemail he left. So, now I avoid looking at his photos and things that remind me of him. It’s just I am so heart broken and lost I just miss him so much.
I am 26 years old I thought he would be here but he is not. Ny dad had cancer for years and the treatments were helping then his body started rejecting them. He then began to decay right before my eyes in a very quick manner.I do not how to cope with his death and when I do cry do it is very hard to stop. I can not afford therapy to get help I have no insurance .There were a lot of people that died in my life but nothing broke my heart like loosing my dad. I am sad he did not see me graduate from college in 2017. I have only been to my dads grave once and that was when we were buring him. My siblings have visited my dads grave but I cannot.I still feel like I am in shock I do not know how to deal with the pain. How do you cope with loosing a parent or a loved one?
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 December 2018):
I would suggest grief counseling, if you can’t afford it, I would look into online self-help groups perhaps.Maybe even considering talking to your siblings about your dad and how you feel. They probably feel the same. They might just deal with the bereavement differently than you.Spend time with caring people. Positive people.Write down how you feel. Express your loss in a journal. But also write down little things you remember. POSITIVE things. If you at some point have kids, you will have stories to tell them about your dad. Good ones.Add exercise to your life. Eat well,and take care of yourself. LIFE is for the living. You being miserable and grief-stricken won’t bring him back, it’s not what he would have wanted for you either.Have patience with yourself. Some might get “over” loss faster, some are slower. There is NO set time limit for how long you can grieve.I was like you for a long time after I lost my mother. I still occasionally cry when thinking of her. I still miss her, and I always will. She left a big old hole in my heart. IT’s OK to miss him. It’s OK to wish you had had more time with him. It’s not selfish to WANT him around. Remember: It takes time to fully absorb the impact of a major loss. You never stop missing your loved one, but the pain eases after time and allows you to go on with your life.What my friend told me after the loss of my mom was this, your mom will ALWAYS be with you, part of you. 1/2 your DNA is from her. We all lose people over time. That is reality. At some point someone will lose you. Don’t ignore the sadness and loss that you feel. CRYING is OK. And it helps. Chin up. Sending you my thoughts.
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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2018):
Coming from me hon, I lost my father at 15 to suicide then my mum shortley after of heartbreak. You never really get over it. You just learn to live with it. Please don’t avoid looking at the pictures of you Dad. They are also your memories of your life with him. This will in time start to heal your heart as it will remind you of the joy your Father had on your life and you will start to celebrate him rather than mourn him.What helped me through it was my family and friends. Openly talking about it during my bad days and good days. There is also plenty of free family bereavement groups you can join which offer all kinds of help and advice on losing a loved one. Please reach out to them hon.What I can promise you is, it will get easier to deal with. I am now 34 years old and I still miss both my parents but now when I think of them, it’s not with saddness, it’s with happiness in remembering how funny they were.I wish you all the best honey. Good luck.
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