I apologize in advance for the length:)
I have been with my current boyfriend for almost 7 years( lived together for almost 5!)I am 42 and he is almost 50!His parents have never been very nice to me( the first day I went over to meet them I bought a big bouquet of flowers for the mother and when I ave it to her she just ripped them out of my hands, no thank you, no comment….if i say good morning to his father he pretends he doesn’t hear me and says nothing…..wen i was left at the dinner table alone with both of them, they both got up and walked away, leaving me all alone at the table( they have nothing to say to me and get bored unless you engage them in gossip or use the excuse of oh my English isn’t very good( they have literally been in this country for 50 years so come on, not even good enough for pleasantries, I don’t expect to discuss the stock market or rocket science, lol. When I was alone with his mother recently she used(not knowingly obviously) reverse psychology on me and said you know, X when you die you shouldn’t leave your money to my son you should leave it to YOUR family!….. she is afraid that I’m after his money( he HAS NO MONEY..he is currently unemployed and when we moved in together was 80k in debt with he has managed to significantly pay down because I help him out with money every month) but they stand to inherit a 10 mil dollar property when his 90 yro uncle passes away because he has no wife or children of his own. I told my bf what she said and thinking I was referring to my own mother( he never pays attention when I talk) got all happy and said yeah my mom told me that too!! I then got him to admit that his mother also advised him not to marry me and to just continue to live as is…..in other words this relationship is going nowhere?? I think she is mad because I refused to move in with him and live in THEIR basement suite where he was living when we met and that since I am too old and not interested in having children we should not bother making it legal or he doesn’t have to worry about my welfare after he dies? I don’t care about his stupid uncle’s money but yes I do want a man who shows me he wants to show me he wants to spend the rest of his life with life with me……Am i crazy or am i right? Is there a chance he might see things differently and relax after he gets a job and has his own money to think about not his family’s money?? Thank you all so much for you time and advice!!
View related questions: debt, flowers, money, moved in
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A male reader, WiseOwlE + ♥, writes (5 March 2019):
I think you and your boyfriend are old enough not to give a rat’s patootie what his parents think. Let them say whatever they like in their own house. They are entitled to their opinions, and have never pretended to like you. Your post suggests you don’t like them either. So the feelings are mutual.Be respectful when under their roof. You can always mock their snarky comments and laugh them off. They are only effective if you let them get under your skin. Ignore them like they ignore you. One good turn deserves another. Tit for tat!Maybe they had hoped for a younger daughter-in-law; or liked his last girlfriend better. They may want grandchildren; as many parents often do. If they think your eggs are a little dusty; they’re hoping they’ll drive you away, if they’re not particularly fond of you. What really matters is, how you’re treated by your boyfriend?They figure you’re basically supporting an unemployed 50 year-old man; because you’re aware that he’s potentially land-rich. You’re sticking around and making your investment; with intent on receiving a dividend or jackpot when ole uncle kicks.They just assume you’ll expect your piece of the inheritance; when they’re really the ones with their tongues hanging-out and palms up. Waiting for his aging old-uncle to kick the bucket. It’s the typical behavior of family-vultures who circle over the old-people in the family; waiting to cash-in on whatever money or valuables left after death. Their greed makes them paranoid and suspicious. You know how that goes.It’s only tentative he’ll inherit the land, they better hope all the taxes are paid-up; and there are no government liens that might forfeit the property over to the government. He might even sign the land over as a reserve or park. Especially if he knows they’re greedily waiting to bury him; and have already laid claims on his land, while he still has a pulse! If things do go as planned, and your boyfriend should decide to make you his wife; what’s his is half yours. It just doesn’t sit well with his parents; but it’s not theirs to begin with. Nobody knows for sure what will happen to that land until they read the will. Old people are quite well-known for leaving surprises behind when they’re dead and gone! You’re mature enough to know that money sometimes changes people. Nobody knows what your boyfriend will be like if he gets the land. He won’t know himself; until he crosses that bridge. If he doesn’t seem like he’s contemplating a marriage proposal in the near future; I guess everything is up in the air until dear old uncle takes his last breath.Will there be wedding bells for you; or a bell tolling over his uncle’s funeral? Which will come first? Nobody knows!If his family is close-knit; I think they may have a lot of influence over what he does. If he hasn’t married you after seven years; I suspect they’ve got something to do with that. He won’t show you anything but his poker-face; and he’ll play stupid to throw-off any suspicion. Let’s hope he has a generous nature; and will at least payback what you’ve paid of his debt.
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A female reader, MSA +, writes (4 March 2019):
You’ve been together for 7 years, lived together for 5 years.. that’s an awfully long time to be with someone to not feel that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. I guess you should have a serious talk with him about where your relationship is heading.Sorry to hear that his parents don’t love you.. unfortunately there is not much you can do about that. Think positively, at least all they do is ignore you and not give you a hard time or force their son to break up with you. I honestly don’t think he will change after he gets a job and has money… he is who is he, rich or poor.
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