My husband is onboard a cruise ship for two weeks on a “team building” work trip. Spouses were not encouraged to go but either way, I could not go as I have just started my own business and it would be an inopportune time for me to get away. We also have 3 children I take care of.
The heart of my problem is resentment. I feel resentful of my husband for going away without me. And having fun without me. It bothers me. It also bothers me that he is in the place we originally planned to go for our honeymoon but never ended up going to. So, he is in my dream place. Without me. I feel resentment building and it’s like I don’t want to hear from him anymore. This is how I feel. There are so many activities on the ship and I know he is partaking with other people, females included. It is driving me round the bend picturing what he is up to. I realize it’s work but if any of you have been on a cruise before, you will know that cruises are jam packed with lots of fun things to do. And he does have off time from work to do fun stuff. He has been vague in most of his communications/phone calls. He mentions a couple of activities but I still have no idea how he spends his days. He calls me from ports of calls and sends pics but I have no clue what he does on sea days. I hadn’t heard from him all day yesterday (a sea day) and at 2 in the morning (3 p.m. his time) I receive text after text from him illustrating in great detail how horny he is and what he wants to do to me when he comes home. I thought he would tell me about his day etc but no!! I end up getting 9 TEXTS in a row from him, each one overtly sexual. So, I’m left thinking WHY is he so horny? Is he turned on by some woman on the ship or has had sex with some woman and that’s why he is so sexual to me?? He always tells me he has no sex drive unless I’m around him. So, what gives here???It’s agonizing. I’m here working and taking care of our kids. Being a GOOD GIRL. Waiting for him to come home. And he is living it up on a cruise!It bugs me so much. I am getting really angry at him and ready to blast him when he comes home. I want to know how to control this resentment before I say things out of anger. And I want to know if anyone understands why I am upset? wner
View related questions: horny, sex drive, text
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 October 2018):
The horny texts is because he misses you. I think he is WELL AWARE that YOU two should have had this cruise a long time ago and that might make him a little home sick and horny. Doesn’t mean he is cheating. And sure, he COULD be looking at other women… but he isn’t blind, he is married. Being married (as I BET you know as well) doesn’t mean you no longer notice attractive people. It’s whether you act on that or not that matter.As for the resentment. I get it. If my husband had gone on some team-building to OUR planned honeymoon destination, I’d be a bit miffed as well. I think it’s only natural not not feel great about being excluded.However, I’m also guessing HE didn’t pick a cruise for this team-building? That someone else made that choice and well, your HUSBAND really HAS no choice but to go. It’s part networking and part team-building (and part trying to make the employees feel “spoiled” – which in turn can make them more productive.)I have been on a couple of team-building retreats and they were ridiculous. One was a 3 day paintball “war game” (seriously) and the other was at a sports/spa facility and was so relaxing but not much got done…Don’t be MAD at him. That is honestly, unreasonable. What you SHOULD do instead is FIND a babysitter (if your parents/inlaws/family/friends) can take the kids for a day or two when he gets home so YOU two can just be together as a couple.ACCEPT that HE didn’t pick the destination and he really had no choice in going. And that HE should BE allowed to have fun without you (and vice verse) as long as you both can follow your wedding vows and respect each other.Also, maybe this cruise can get him fired up for taking another one with you and the kids!Chin up. Trust your husband. (unless he is untrustworthy).
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