A female Health And Fitness i-feel-confused-and-anxious-about-him-not-speaking-to-me-except-by-text-saturday-evening I feel confused and anxious about him not speaking to me except by text Saturday evening! Relationship & Sex    age 41-50, anonymous writes:

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I have been in a relationship for 18 months with a great guy.This is an intensely passionate but in my opinion emotionally healthy relationship.We have hurdles but we have overcome them.Apart from one massive issue which is my fears of abandonment .Recently we agreed that we would not see each other on Saturday eve .We briefly chatted in the day .My partner said he needed some time to relax and chill .Normally we chat every eve for at least half an hour.This Saturday he didn’t text but responded with a pic and said he was having a beer and alone and then watching football at a restraunt. I became completely erratic I text him and called him once by he wouldn’t answer his phone.He said he would talk to me tomorrow.We continued to chat via text but by this point I was in tears.He text me back goodnight and good morning at 9am.We spoke on Sunday and he said that he just needed a bit of space and that he chose not to speak to me on Saturday because of this.He said I need to trust him and that he has not ever cheated. I feel confused and anxious.Is his behaviour odd or am l completely overreacting?

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A male reader, N91 Health And Fitness i-feel-confused-and-anxious-about-him-not-speaking-to-me-except-by-text-saturday-evening I feel confused and anxious about him not speaking to me except by text Saturday evening! Relationship & Sex     + , writes (5 March 2019):

Health And Fitness 977e3106-6f9b-4a08-abba-678cab1a22f1 I feel confused and anxious about him not speaking to me except by text Saturday evening! Relationship & Sex    Erratic over what?I’m completely lost here. He didn’t respond? He sent you a picture. That’s a response in my book. Your fear of abandonment will become a reality if you continue behaving like this. I’m really struggling to see what you flipped out over. He said he needed some time on his own to relax, what’s wrong with that? Everyone needs a bit of me time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2019):

His behaviour is not the problem. The problem lies with you. I can understand your guy wanting some space from your anxiety and to be honest, he’s done it in the most understanding way and also not to feed into your anxiety also. He is entitled to alone time like everyone, including yourself. It’s important that what you do as individuals contributes to the realtionship.You need to seek help to deal with your anxiety, maybe try CBT training. If you don’t deal with these issues now then you will lose your man completely. I wish you the best of luck hon.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2019):

To me it sounds like you are a bit overreacting. If you speak everyday for half an hour, on top of your usual dates, then it sounds like you have a close relationship, and also like it might do good for the both of you to “have a night off” once in a while.However, if you really feel this anxious about it, you should confide your partner in this – just tell him what you feel in a sensible manner. It’s important to have this kind of communication in a relationship, and 18 months is long enough to share these kinds of thoughts and feelings.If you were thinking that he was with someone else (in a romantic situation) then there is no reason to think this.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2019):

Your fears of abandonment are causing him to set up boundaries. These are normally much more organic and less solid in relationships but perhaps you have a habit of calling and texting until you get a response? This is controlling behaviour and he is right not to react to it. It’s not the norm to do this so his requests have to be extraordinary. Accept his boundaries and seek help for your abandonment issues. Good luck

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