I need advice about a girl who I think is totally crazy. I am 26 and she is 33. Bit of an age gap but she seemed very nice so i thought i’d give her a chance.I decided now I don’t want to be with her but I want to know if I did anything wrong.I met her on a dating app and she seemed nice, we agreed to meet up and I had to delay by an hour as I was held up at work. This was my first warning sign as she started to say I had been seeing other girls and that is why i was late. I thought maybe she had low confidence so i just let it go. However pretty soon she is calling me honey all the time and trying to hold my hand. I’m not very assertive so i didn’t really perhaps make it that obvious I was uncomfortable. When we say goodbye she grabbed me and practically forced me to make out with her. up until the date she had been nice.After that I felt upset, called her and said she was going too fast and i wasn’t comfortable. she said ok we can be slow. But I was already thinking maybe this wouldn’t work.She got very angry with me when I called my mum and said i was calling another girl. She got very angry when I sent her a sticker in the app we use with good night in her language, insisting that another girl must have taught me what it means even though its literally a moon, stars, a bear asleep and some writing so it was obviously good night. There are probably other examples. At one stage I blocked her on everything but she created new accounts and contacted me and i felt guilty so replied. Mistake I know.I am not a strong person so can be bullied easily and perhaps this part is my fault. I kept in touch with her and she would constantly accuse me of seeing other girls all the time. So i knew it wouldn’t work, but i felt guilty and sorry for her. sometimes I would be nice just to stop her being so aggressive. This was only 2 weeks so its not like i’ve dragged this out for a year i just felt like i couldn’t escape.She then told me i was her boyfriend and i said that i wasn’t, we hadn’t ever agreed to that and she got very angry and started trying to make me feel bad.she said i had to decide if i wanted to be with her or not so i said obviously no, we could just be friends (which is what i thought we were anyway).Then she just changed the topic, talked normally again like the first time we spoke and i thought maybe we could be friends but today she asked to call me so i could watch her shower, i said no its not appropriate and again she got angry.She keeps saying things like i should decide if i want to leave her or not but i was never “with” her and even if she felt that way i made it clear many times i want to go.i blocked her and she contacted me with a new number.I genuinely feel worried what she would do.Is this my fault for perhaps being too nice and not just getting rid of her at the first chance?I keep saying to her, please just stop, we are just friends and she says things like i didn’t ask her if she wanted to leave me, that i dont respect her or care for what she wants and that i should consider that too. Almost like I need her permission to leave something which I never signed up to in the first place.How can i escape and what was my fault in all this as i’m sure i probably didn’t help by being too agreeable.
View related questions: at work, bullied, confidence
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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (1 December 2018):
In your shoes I would tell her VERY FIRMLY that you are NOT in a relationship with her and you do NOT want ANY contact with her at all. It is quite obviously not going to work being “just friends” with this bunny boiler. I am assuming the only way she can contact you is via your mobile or social media (i.e. that she doesn’t know where you live or work). Keep it that way. Block her. If she contacts you via a different number, as soon as you realize it is her, end the conversation and block the new number. She will eventually give up if you are CLEAR that you do not want anything more to do with her. Be careful if you are still no the dating site as she may set up a new profile and try to contact you that way. Advice for the future: trust your gut instinct and get out the INSTANCE it feels wrong.
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 December 2018):
How do you get rid of her?My advice, don’t try this “ghosting” thing with her. SHE isn’t taking the “MASSIVE hint” of you blocking her, so you might HAVE to spell it out.So, while you have tried to tell her no, she isn’t listening. YOU might not get anywhere in telling her, I don’t see a future with you and I want NO more contact, DO NOT contact me again. It has to be very black and white with this one.Yes, I think she is a bit on the nutty side.And NO, OP you DO NOT need her permission to NOT wanting to date her!!And when telling her I DON’T want to DATE YOU! doesn’t work, I would consider getting a new number, make sure your SOCIAL media have the HIGHEST settings of privacy and I HOPE she doesn’t know where you live or work!IF she does continue to try and contact you, you might want to consider contacting Citizen’s advice to seek LEGAL advice against her harassment. Or the Police. Consider this, OP – ALL the things she is accusing you off… like NOT respecting her or care about her SHE is doing to you! She isn’t respecting your CHOICE/DECISION to NOT wanting to date her!YOU OWE her nothing OP.The sooner you PUT your foot down and say NO MORE, the sooner you can move on.I would also suggest you keep an time line on her harassment – date, time (if she doesn’t stop after you end it) so you have some documentation – like her using different numbers, etc. DO NOT try and stay “friends” with her. END it with her 100% – CUT her off and CHANGE your number!
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