I’m seeing someone new and we’ve been dating almost a month. In that time Ive seen him about 6 or 7 times. Real dates. Dinner or movies etc. He is great about showing up and doing fun stuff I don’t feel like he’s just looking for a physical relationship. We’ve made out etc but haven’t had sex even.
After our second date he informed me that he was “considering” taking a job offer out of town next year. Fifth date I brought it up again because I really don’t know what to do with this information; i I like him a lot and at the same time realize this could have expiration date if he moves in February!! However now his claim is that job hasn’t been offered to him yet and he’s also considering jobs locally so I would say the chances of really leaving are spotty. The real trouble is I feel sometimes like he’s not “in it to win it” even though the dates are great; in between communication is rather lackluster, I often get the feeling he doesn’t really care what I’m doing or where I am 🙁 He can’t take hours and hours to text me and the next day be really in touch. We’ve yet to have a sleepover night or anything of that sort ( maybe is a good thing I don’t know) but I often feel myself wanting more and I don’t know if I’m trying to rush it or if I have a normal reaction. Wouldn’t any other woman would want like the day together to go to brunch and walk The beach etc and be together … I don’t know if he pulls back bc of job insecurity or no. Would love any thoughts what I should expect and do in his regards.
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 October 2018):
I think you need to LISTEN to your own “gut” or “feelings” about this.He isn’t as invested as you are. Maybe because he IS hoping to land that job and transfer but he doesn’t want to TELL you in case you no longer wants to see him or if it falls through. Which is why he isn’t investing as much as you would like him too. Which might ALSO be why he is holding off on the sex. Sorta just seeing/dating you until he KNOWS what’s up with his job. Not wanting sex yet, is not really bad – as it has ONLY been a month. There should be NO hurry there. Better take your time and decide if that other person is RIGHT for you BEFORE getting intimate. IMHO. I think it’s actually smart to wait with it a bit.My thing with this is, IF he is looking to transfer, he might not get a job in Feb.. but he might apply for one for May – August … whichever time. So… IS he really interested in dating someone in THIS (where you both live now) geographical area? Long term?If there are things about this “budding relationship” that makes you go:” hmmm not liking this…” SO soon in, it’s something you need to pay attention to. Not to ignore. you have to decide, are these things important to me?Well, IF he is WISHING to move elsewhere – an LDR would be on the horizon OR the relationship would end… So with that looming over you, how do you feel about that?If you don’t feel he is putting as much effort INTO getting to know you OUTSIDE of the dates, how do you feel about that? Because he might NOT be a big texter/caller OR he isn’t WILLING to invest too much at the moment.Dating is a period to GET TO KNOW the other person and figure out if there is a possibility for a good match and a long term partner.If you enjoy the dates and getting to know him ,maybe keep seeing him.If you feel there is something missing… then WHY continue?
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