Needing some advice. I had been in a long term relationship (6 years) with guy A we split up in March of 2017, because our relationship was no longer healthy we were endangering each other physically and mentally with drug abuse. I still spent time with him going out for meals, festivals and mini breaks days out and he helped me financially and emotionally, we said we were best friends, (we slept together 2/3 times in that year of not being together) when we were together we got on so well and I thought of him as my soul mate, (but I believe we have many soul mates that cross our path, to teach us various life lessons)This year in April I met someone new, guy B. And I stopped seeing guy A. I thought I could have a new life with guy b make a fresh start, and guy A could do the same. Then recently I found out that guy A has been seeing a (who I thought was a good friend of mine) my friend they have been going away together, he’s paying bills for her, and buying drugs for her. And I am jealous, so very very jealous. I am still with guy B and although we have had a few teething problems I love him and I want to be with him. But the thought of my ex being with my supposed friend is eating me up inside. I feel so hurt about all of this. I have fell out with the friend, she is a drug addict and not a good/trustworthy person to have in my life. But how do I stop these feelings of jealously and betrayal when I have an amazing new partner that I love? I feel so guilty for feeling like this, but I keep wanting to know information about guy A and this new relationship. I told guy A we can no longer be friends and I have blocked and deleted him, but he works round the corner from my work and I get tempted to go and see him and find out more information. I guess I still love my ex as well as my new partner? Is that possible? I know I can’t be with guy A anymore because its not good for us to be together, we would probably end up dead, (not an exaggeration). But I want this new life with guy B he will offer me a future, love security, marriage etc etc. Any thoughts of comments or suggestions would be greatly received. Thanks for reading my long message x
View related questions: best friend, drugs, jealous, my ex, soul mates, soulmate, split up
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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (27 September 2018):
It’s not unusual to feel as you do. Even though you don’t actually want A, you don’t want anyone else to have him either, especially someone you know and believe to be wrong for him. The best advice I can give you is “one day at a time”. Tell yourself each day, “Today I will not be tempted to go and see him”. Do that EVERY day. With time it will become easier. Strange that you look down on your (ex) friend for being a drug addict. Do you not class yourself as one? I would recommend taking things slowly with B. If you were as in love with him as you state, you would not feel so drawn towards A. Allow yourself time to get over A before you make any firm commitments to B. Good luck. I hope it all works out for you.
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A male reader, WiseOwlE + ♥, writes (27 September 2018):
No, you don’t love both A & B; you feel possessive and jealous over A; and maybe B is just a rebound. Too many references were made regarding drug-use; and I have a feeling neither you, nor your ex have been rehabilitated for drug-abuse. Your relationship with A was toxic and co-dependent. He helped you financially, drove you towards addiction, and you both shared drugs. Now he has a new drug-buddy, and you want to maintain a friendship with someone who would only trigger your drug-abuse.You wisely deleted him and ended all contact. That’s what you should have done from the very beginning. Why be friend with someone who endangered your health and supplied you with drugs?It’s natural to feel jealous that an ex found a new partner; but getting all in his business about it is whacked.He has moved on. So should you. If you care about B, concentrate on something healthier for you, and stay out of A’s business. Leave your ex-girlfriend alone. Who she dates is none of your business; and all you’re doing is going around causing trouble.You should get some drug rehab-counseling, try and make your new relationship work, and leave your ex and his girlfriend alone.
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