I’ve been acquaintances/friends with a guy from work for about 9 months, we weren’t really close but had a lot in common and chatted when we saw each other. He’s in his thirties and openly admitted once to not being good with women.
Anyway we were chatting quite a bit so I gave him my number, and we chatted (Just as friends) over text for about a month. I was at a party and he was texting me, and i drunkenly invited him. Anyway he jumped at the chance then came along. I was quite drunk and we ended up kissing. I thought I quite liked him and would give him a chance, so we continued to text. I realise now that it’s not a good idea to date anyone from work so I do regret it, although I can’t do anything about that now.He then started to invite me out quite a lot and kept wanting to see me – a few times I agreed and went out for drinks with him, I liked his personality and thought I’d see what happened, wanting to give him a chance. He’s actually a terrible kisser and everything he does indicates how bad he is with women, he is scared to make any moves with me or even flirt or talk about sex, I’m starting to think hes a virgin. He copies off a lot of what I say, uses all my sayings, and says a lot that makes me cringe. Hes very socically awkward, one night this creepy guy kept hitting on me and he didnt do anything at all or help me at all, because he is so shy/awkward. We haven’t actually spoke about what is going on with us, and i was hoping it was more casual.. since I’m definitely not his girlfriend, but he is now texting me every day from 6am – 11pm, every single day, none stop texting, and texts first every day. He even texts me at 3am just to say he woke up in the middle of the night and is going back to sleep. I feel like I have no choice but to reply as I don’t want to ignore him, but he messages even to say what he had for his breakfast. So I feel like it’s forcing me to reply to him every day, cause otherwise I would be ignoring him and i don’t want to be rude.The thing that is bothering me is the constant texting, and asking me on a date every single week, often more than once. I’ve realised now that I’ve lost interest and I’m really put off by his behaviour, the thing is he is extremely sensitive and i don’t know how to tell him. He has no confidence as it is, and i don’t want to make it worse. He already told me he is terrified of women. At the same time, I’m starting to resent his constant contact. How can I tell him, and should I text or meet in person?
View related questions: confidence, drunk, flirt, kisser, kissing, shy, text
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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2018):
Just be honest with him, he thinks your interested because your replying and going on dates with him, he’s not harassing because your leading him on. You’ll hurt him more in the long run if you don’t tell him. I’d meet him in person and tell him that you don’t feel the same way, My rule is to never date a guy from work it’s awkward if it goes wrong
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A male reader, Code Warrior + ♥, writes (10 December 2018):
You can try to be kind and let him down easy, and it might work if he’s a natural born quitter. You can tell him that you’re sorry, but you’re just not feeling a spark, and you hope he understands. If he asks for more information, then just tell him that you’ve already given him the reason and please respect your decision and stop contacting you. Hopefully, he’ll stop contacting you on his own.However, desperate people tend to cling to any hope, and kindness always insires hope in them. They will ask what they can do to fix things and will try to guilt you into giving them a chance to change.You can’t walk on egg shells trying to avoid upsetting a hyper-sensitive person. You can’t control his reaction, nor should you try. His reaction is his responsibility. He’s probably gping to beg and plead and be really clingy.If he doesn’t respond to letting him down easy, then you’ll have to be cold and ruthless. Tell him that, when you gave him your number, you trusted him to be considerate of your time. His constant texting at all hours of the day is a violation of that trust and you’re no longer willing to accept further communication from him. Furthermore, you want him to delete your contact information from his phone. If he apologizes and promises to change, tell him that the ship has sailed. You gave him a chance and he went way overboard. Tell him that you’ve deleted his contact information and you expect him to respect your decision.If he attempts to harrass you at work, make it clear to him that you’re not going to tolerate non-work related communications from him and you have no interest in being friends. If he persists in attempting further non-work related communications, you will go to HR and file a harrassment complaint.Hopefully, just telling him you’re not feeling a spark will be enough for him to leave you alone.
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