It’s really bugging me that I spent my birthday alone.
When my best friend has his birthday, I planned dinner, made sure all his friends were there. I personally took them, paid for him etc. We had a great time. Recently it was my birthday last week and I did not plan anything as I was struggling a little financially. I text him to perhaps meet up, maybe grab a coffee or drink, go for walk in the park, something simple as I don’t expect anything.He replies saying he will meet me, he came spoke to me for 20mins and said he has to go and left. I felt so alone, I spent 4 hours alone in the same place. No greetings, no smile no nothing, as if he did it on purpose. Why would a friend you have known for 20years act like that? I did not expect anything but just some company. I have other friends who didn’t greet me on the day, I assure you I have nooo issues with that, I couldn’t care less. What hurts is the closest person to me that you have known for so long. How do you know who to invest in to stop feeling alone? I thought if you help others during times of need they will do the same.In conclusion I felt like I was punished by him by on purposely not mentioning anything because the next day I got a simple, oh I forgot. I wouldn’t dare do same to anyone else.
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A male reader, WiseOwlE + ♥, writes (21 October 2018):
If you really want a great birthday, plan to pamper yourself in the future. Friends should be spontaneous about celebrating your birthday. It’s nothing really to be expected. It’s the surprise that we cherish; but it’s not something we should expect. Never should we do things out of kindness, and expect any reward for it.You know what you like, and you can’t forget your own birthday. Start a little birthday-fund for yourself; and stash a little cash to celebrate your day. You can invite someone special if you want; but just doing things you really like to do is just as nice. Visit your favorite relatives, take mom and/or date out for a celebration-lunch or dinner. Shop and get yourself a nice purse, new shoes, or a lovely outfit. Have a spa-day! Invite some girlfriends over for the weekend before your birthday; and do girly-stuff together. You’re not a kid anymore; so birthdays are more special to you than anybody else. If you like celebrating the birthdays of friends and family; consider that “your thing.” It’s up to others, if they wish to do that; but there are way too many birthdays in your own family and circle of friends to remember them all. Someone will get overlooked. Note you only remember his, not everybody’s! He neither expected nor asked for it. You volunteered!Your friend may have been forgetful, or even a lousy friend; but don’t measure the depth of love and devotion by remembering birthdays. The value of friendship is based on love, loyalty, and trust. Some people are bad when it comes to expressing sentiments; but they’re by your side during the best and worst of times. If they’re not; then blame yourself for over-estimating their value in friendship. You just may be more of a loyal and devoted friend that your friends. It’s how it is sometimes. Some people are good at party-planning and setting-up celebrations; while others suck at it!I can afford to do a lot of things some of my friends can’t. I won’t put that burden on their shoulders; and I don’t put a lot of concern behind mine, or anyone’s birthdays! As a courtesy, they are programmed as reminders on my phone calendar and other devices. They may get a call or a card. I don’t always go out of my way for birthdays; but if I do, it’s for my immediate kin. I might remember to send a gift-basket, Godiva chocolates, or lovely bottle of wine; but it’s not a habit. I’ve had birthdays come and go; maybe they forget, but sent their belated-wishes. I don’t care. That’s maturity! Otherwise, I know how much we all love each other!Feeling sorry for yourself will pass. God-willing, may you have many more birthdays! I personally wish you a belated happy birthday! If it means so much to you, I hope you find friends who realize it in the future. Don’t kill your own joy, it’s never too late to celebrate with yourself. I’ve done it dozens of times myself; and nobody knows how to make my birthday more special than myself. Oops…except the lady who made it happen in the first place! My precious Mama!
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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2018):
HiMaybe your friend didn’t forget but he couldn’t have possibly afforded to reciprocate what you did for him on his birthday. So, to try and minimise his embarrassment he pretended to forget. The equivalent of sweeping it (your birthday)under the carpet, because, although YOU were ok with just a small gesture from him, maybe HE was mortified about the discrepancy. Don’t go overboard with generosity on people’s birthdays. Although it must have felt lovely to do something like that for someone, you have now placed a great burden on him to do the same (even though you say you don’t want it, he would feel it) and he probably can’t afford it, or maybe even doesn’t want to. Organising things can be a pain to people if that’s not their thing. You say you don’t expect anything of the kind from him, but because you splashed out and made an effort, you DO expect SOMETHING. Don’t put any kind of pressure on other people, or expectations. It’s not fair on them and it’s often disappointing. Do things for others (not over the top) just for the sheer pleasure of doing it and leave it at that. I can imagine that this would hurt, but going over the top on him, has I think contributed towards it. I have a friend who I really like and come Christmas I want to buy him a really nice present, because I would enjoy doing that. But I don’t, because he doesn’t have much money and so he would feel awful if I were to splash out. So I buy him a gift that is smaller and doesn’t match how I feel, but it matches what he can reciprocate. On his next birthday, tone it down a lot. Put in the effort that he put in. Maybe that’s what he’s comfortable with.
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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2018):
If he didn’t say happy bday it doesn’t matter. But I know he knew because of the way he was so negative, made me feel like total garbage. Yes I will distance myself but I thought if you treat people good they will do the same. So is jealousy taking over
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A female reader, Anonymous 123 + ♥, writes (21 October 2018):
I think the problem with our generation is that we place our happiness in other people’s hands. We don’t look at making ourselves happy, we don’t look at comforting ourselves, at being our own best friend; we rely on others to do that. You went out of your way to give your friend a fabulous day on his birthday. That was entirely your decision but the problem arose when you thought and wanted him to do the same or something similar for you. The question is, why are you doing things with any expectations at all? Do it only if it makes you happy, without any conditions, and then forget about it. Maybe birthdays are just not as important for your friend, maybe he forgot, maybe he was preoccupied with something else. Maybe he just didn’t care. Yes there are people like that. It was my anniversary a few days ago and I was at my husband’s house in the evening, with his mother and brother. I come from a family where everyone’s very vocal, affectionate etc whereas his are the opposite. Not only did no one at his house bother wishing us, at one point when I gently pointed out that it was our anniversary (I thought they had forgotten), his brother just stared at us and smiled and then got up and walked away while his mother just nodded and said, “yes I remember”. I was amazed at how strange they are but then, that’s how it is. Not everyone we meet is like us. Some are even downright uncouth, don’t-care and odd. But then you also learn with experience on how to deal with such people.All I’ll say to you is that, don’t take your friend’s behaviour personally. He is not responsible for making your happy. I know it hurts… It’s bound to… But keep in mind that no matter how much you help others in their times of need, they will NOT do the same. Count yourself lucky if they do even 10% of what you did. That’s how the world works. Even if you help a hundred people, maybe just one or two would be really obliged and grateful and look at returning the favour. The rest will conveniently forget.
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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (21 October 2018):
You can’t buy friendship. Just because YOU decided to treat your friend for his birthday (paying for everyone seems a bit over the top and extravagant, considering you were struggling financially on your own birthday), does not mean he owes you the same. Also, did you think to say to him, “Heh, it’s my birthday. It would be nice to grab a quick drink”? He FORGOT your birthday. People DO forget people’s birthdays, regardless of how long they have known them. I have done this myself in the past with people I am quite close to. It does not mean I forget the person involved, just the date of their birthday. I have to ask, why do you attach so much importance to a birthday? From your profile, it wasn’t even a “special” birthday. Most people just see it as another day. If they do something, it’s just a bonus. You are seeing your friend forgetting your birthday as some sort of personal slight on you whereas it sounds like it was just a simple case of forgetfulness. Perhaps you need to widen your social circle so you don’t feel so lonely when he has other things going on in his life.
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