I think someone who I still have feelings for lives in my area and has recently moved here with his girlfriend,he is aware of where I live and doesn’t like me due to what happened between us which I just accept and have learnt from it . I may be wrong about him living were I live but I think I am right as ive seen him a few times and his girlfriend quite a lot in the last 2 months or so in my area .His girlfriend knows who I am and I am certain he has portrayed me in a bad light to her , sometimes I feel sad seeing her as I get a sense of jealousy as shes with the person I like and used to speak to but sometimes I think it was my fault that I wasn’t his girlfriend .
The last time I saw him I wanted to apologise for my behaviour towards him and just wanted to be civil with him . Unfortunately as I walked closer to him I got quite worried about apologising in case he wouldn’t care or listen so I ended saying something irrelevant and not what I wanted to say . When I see him half the time I want to cry my eyes out as its horrible having feelings for someone when they don’t feel the same way but it was my fault as I pushed him away when we used to speak and my behaviour was odd at times because I was really worried to get close to him and I knew I wanted to be his girlfriend but I didn’t know how to go about it so my defence mechanisms were being sometimes mean and just pushing him away so that he didn’t think I liked him . Looking back I think I did this because it was the first time I have strong feelings towards someone and it was all new to me so I was unsure of what a relationship would mean for me as he told me he wanted to be my boyfriend. Other things have since gone on between us and now I just want it to stop and he has been extremely hurtful towards me and very immature .in the past few months or so things have happened in my life were I just feel that I need to reflect more and it has made me want to apologise to him, if and when I see him , should I apologise? if so how should I do this ? and if not what is the best way for me to cope when I see him , whether that is round were I live or somewhere else ?as im sick of feeling like I want to cry and want to just acknowledge that hes someone I used to know but I really think saying sorry would hopefully end the small conflict between us providing he would listen or are there any others ways of dealing with it .
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