Hi, was looking for advice. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for around 2 years. He has basically been staying at mine every night for over a year but still maintains his own place which has made money really tight as he cant afford to help towards my bills. He has been struggling financially and so have i.
He has a daughter of 7 years old who he seems to share raising with his ex partner which at times does make me jealous as i dont have children and she seems firmly fit into his family. I havent been introduced to any of his family friends or child so it gets to me when they arrange birthdays and things like that.Anyway he wants to get a car and has asked me to move into his temporarily as i can save money and it would also help him too. On paper financiually it makes a lot of sense, however, it will be his place still and he has said it would be like renting a room that we woudlnt live there as a couple as it could make it difficult. ALthough i know as does he we would be anyway. he does like his own space and so do i but i feel like i would be sacrificing a lot for not much in return, other than a lot of savings.He does seem to compartmentalise his life and it bothers me the fact i havnt met anyone or been introduced to anyone or included in things so why as me to move in for a period of time and where do we go from there? I am considering it mainly because of the financial aspect but i am worried as i am 34 this hyear and i do want to settle down and have my own family. I just dont know what to do at all.
View related questions: his ex, jealous, money, period
|<– Rate this Question|
Reply to this Question
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!
A female reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (26 March 2019):
From reading your letter I cannot see how this move would be a good move for you, or help the relationship grow. You have been seeing him for 2 years and yet he has not welcomed you into his life, no introduction to his friends or family, and nothing to indicate this will ever change.If you move into his place you are to pretend there is no relationship and yet you will be there, girlfriend, AND SEX, on tap whenever there is nobody around to see.It appears the reason you are short of money is this man stays at your place but cannot afford to help cover the costs of him doing so. He seems to be aware he is on a good wicket.It is my opinion that the best way for you to save money would be to recognise him and the user he is and that the relationship is going nowhere. Moving into his place where you pretend to be a platonic housemate (but we know the truth hey), will be of enormous benefit to him but it will be a backward step for you.Give him the flick and find somebody who wants to make you a part of his life … this one is going nowhere.
|<– Rate this answer|
A female reader, ClairM + ♥, writes (26 March 2019):
This is all about what he wants and the carrot being dangled is you both get to save a few quid??After two years and when you are at an age where you naturally would want to settle and have children of your own what has he said to show your actual future as a long term couple is going somewhere?Sorry but he is having this all his own way and it sounds very much like you are a separate part of his life, what reason has he given for bit introducing you as his girlfriend after this long?You can move in by all means, you’re an adult so that’s your call, he might loosen up on his restrictions that he has (I’m guessing that’s what you’re hoping)But somewhere along the line you need to know what his long term thoughts are and if he is on the same page as you, or you are going to end up with far less than what you want. Communication is the key…
|<– Rate this answer|