I’ve been using a popular dating app and marchebwkth a guy who also put that he was looking for a relationship on his profile.
He asked me out and we had a great date this Friday . Lots of laughs, chemistry, etc. I was careful to keep things light and casual; I didn’t want to come on too strong. He walked me to my car and asked me to go on a second date. I said yes and he texted me 10 minutes after I left. We had a good conversation (I showed the messages to friends and they agreed) Then he went on a trip and I have not heard heard from him. I know he’s back in town. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me. I’ll go on what seems to be a very good date and then never hear back. I’m not naive- I think I can tell when someone is into me. I’ve been burned badly before in relationships, so it’s hard for me to get back out there. Things happening like this erode my confidence and make me not want to keep trying! How do I keep a position attitude?
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A female reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (5 March 2019):
While its true that some people know from the first date that they have found “the one”, most of us aren’t that lucky and may have to “kiss alot of frogs” before we find someone that we really connect to and wish to continue to date. Remember thats what dating is all about. You are trying to get to know a person to see what you have in common, if you really like the person once you get past the looks. I’ve went out with some really nice looking guys in the past and they seemed really nice but after one or two dates I realized they werent what I was looking for at all.Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve and don’t expect one date to lead to marriage. Its healthy to be optimistic and hopeful but let it get you down if things don’t work out. Basically you just have to keep putting yourself out there.It doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you but as wiseowl pointed out, sometimes people just don’t click. Most guys are polite enough not to say that they didn’t have a good time or that they didn’t want to go out again, they just won’t call again. They may be dating several people at the same time who knows? Don’t be hard on yourself just be who you are, keep it light and never come across as needy or desperate. Men spot that a mile away. Relax have fun darling…love comes when we least expect it. IT will happen.
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A male reader, WiseOwlE + ♥, writes (5 March 2019):
Just because you indicate that you want a relationship on your profile doesn’t mean you’ll instantly meet someone who will spontaneously fall in-love with you. There are no guarantees, no matter what the dating sites advertise. You’ll meet lovely people, they’ll be polite, and they’ll say they want another date. Meanwhile, they’ve lined-up dates and meet-ups with other people. If they happen to like someone else better, you probably won’t hear from them again. Remember this. They are single; and they are also looking for what they want, just as you are. A second-date isn’t an indication they feel anything for you, it is an opportunity to get better acquainted. Some will ask for another date, with no real intention of contacting you ever again. It’s not your fault, some guys are real dicks. Don’t become a victim over it. That’s being a drama queen!Some guys aren’t really jerks, you’re just not his type; but you’re too nice to reject you to your face. You’ll save face and grow some immunity to rejection; when you’ve learned not to be so intense about getting a relationship. Being light and casual is an effort, it doesn’t come naturally for you. Your post is a dead-giveaway. Maybe there were lots of laughs and chemistry for you; but maybe not enough for him. So reserve your final-assessment until after a few more dates have actually materialized. Not on the first, or the second date.If you allow yourself to be needy; you’ll bet on a relationship with each and every dude you meet. Wanting and getting what you want are not the same thing. One is way easier than the other. So, slow your roll. You’re setting yourself up for disappointment, because you’re too eager.A guy can tell if you’re desperate. He’s on high-alert for psycho-chicks or fatal-attractions. Keep your feelings on reserve until you know whom you’re dealing with, and how interested he really is. It takes time to determine that you might be falling for the wrong guy. Don’t be desperate, it shows. He’s got you on radar.Don’t ask your friends to read his messages or interpret what he means by what he says. Let him do that. You’ll build your hopes on conjecture, not fact. They’re being supportive, and telling you what you want to hear. Stop hanging your hopes on guys you’ve only just met. Be grown-up, don’t share his messages with friends. It’s embarrassing if things don’t workout. Just let them know you’re seeing someone and you’ll update how it goes. That’s for safety’s sake. Not for their opinions.You shouldn’t take any of this so seriously that you feel “burned.” Dating is a hit or miss proposition. Only the strong survive. You can have a great date; but there may be one-sided chemistry. What’s chemistry for you, may not be the same-thing for him. Let him tell you what he thinks and feels, stop guessing. If he’s always sending mixed-signals, stop seeing him. He’s playing with your head, and toying with your emotions.If disappointment happens to you often, then you should realize it’s a common trend in online-dating. Your sense of entitlement insists you should get what you want when you want it. Reality says you’ll get what you want when that time comes. I know, because I’ve been there and done that.Dating shouldn’t erode your confidence. You’re still you, whether the date works-out or not. If you easily go to pieces or disintegrate; because some random dude you hardly know decides he doesn’t want to call back. You’re going to be destroyed in no time flat! Your validation and self-esteem shouldn’t rest on whether someone instantly likes you. Dating sites offer people many dating prospects; and you are given the same variety of choices. If one fails, you move-on to the next.You don’t sacrifice your self-esteem and confidence on the alter to someone you hardly even know. He has as much right not to like you; as you have to think that you like him. The objective of dating is to search until you find a match. It often doesn’t work. “Love don’t come easy!” It’s evasive.Not just for you, for everybody!He would be terribly rude to end the date by saying he hated it. Some guys just prefer to disappear. That’s on them, not you. Rude and cowardly as that is, you shouldn’t let it reflect on you as a person. Some people aren’t nice. Such is the real-world. You must develop resilience to bounce-back after disappointment and rejection. Control your own self-esteem. Don’t expect validation from any man. Don’t bet your heart on anyone; before you fully know who he is, and what he’s about. Don’t let desperation motivate or accelerate your choices. Take an extra-strength chill pill, and enjoy dating for recreation until the right-guy shows-up. Don’t fake casual and light, be casual and light.
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