Hi all. I am 15 years old, approaching GCSE’s and I’m under an onslaught of problems.
My first is that I appear to be *VERY* unattractive (and not only just my apparent bad looks reinforce this). From what I’ve heard, seen and experienced people my age (and below) tend to develop ‘crushes’ on one another. However, no one has ever properly been attracted to me before. To date, there was one instance of someone having a crush on me, a couple of months ago. After about a week, they moved on. Said, quite plainly to me, that they’d lost all interest in me because they found someone else who was ‘better than me in every way’. Other than that, no one has shown interest in me before, even for a day. All of my friends (who don’t number many, because people don’t tend to gravitate to me) have had someone like them at least once, whereas I haven’t. From my past and current experiences, it doesn’t seem like things will change anytime soon.This leads into my second problem. I’ve had feelings for my closest friend for a while now. She’s the only person I’ve ever had feelings for. Call it young infatuation, but my feelings for her really overwhelm me. I’d take a bullet for her. It seems like she’s one of the only people that cares about me, but now I’m even beginning to doubt that. At first, she was also showing all the signs that she liked me. Everyone I know told me that it was obvious and that I should tell her. After a long time reasoning with myself that perhaps I had a slither of a chance of not repeating my previous luck with love, I decided to tell her. In typical fashion of me, I was declined. She said that she didn’t feel the same, but just wanted to stay friends. Of course, despite this rejection, we’re still closest friends. I’d never want that to change. Although, the whole ordeal hit me hard. Even now, a long time after, I still feel depressed about it. The third problem is that I’m very confused with our situation. Now, a long time after I was rejected, we talk just as much as we did before. However, now, on some days she shows signs that she likes me. On others, it seems like she just doesn’t care about me at all, even despite the fact that we’ve been such close friends since childhood. I can’t tell what she wants with me in the future. It seems like she does genuinely feel the same as I did. Yet it also seems like she doesn’t feel the same. And I’m fully aware that no means no. I respect that. I still love her as a friend, after all.My fourth and final problem is that, because of the previous three points, I’m very depressed with my life situation. I’m unattractive: I’m always lower, always lesser than someone else, I’ve never been favoured for more than a few days. And when I thought I was, and I liked her back, it turns out I was living an illusion. Not even my best friend liked me back. My intense feelings for her will never go realised. I can’t even tell if she cares for me anymore, and she’s my best friend. One of my very few friends. All of the above have made an unhealthy mix; I can’t even make it through a single day without seeing what a social failure I am. I can’t stop thinking about how unattractive I am and how the only person I’ve ever loved in that sense didn’t feel the same. It’s made me feel really depressed. It’s been the same since I was rejected, a long time ago.Any help is extremely appreciated, and needed as well. Thank you to anyone who gives advice in advance.
View related questions: best friend, crush, depressed
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