I’ve been in a relationship with this man for going on 5 yrs. In that time, we’ve had 3 children. Our 2 oldest, he was a great father. After our youngest was born this past yr our parental duties have seem to become a lot more one-sided. I understand hes stressed as he has to provide for our family. I’m a SAHM to save money for daycare. I’ve embraced the whole housewife lifestyle very warmly and I know how great it is to be able to raise my children.
But oftentimes, I struggle with loneliness, with having no one but small children to talk to. His work often takes him on long road trips and he’s away a lot. Sometimes we’re able to travel along, but I often feel like more of a burden when we do. I feel like I’m updating distant relatives rather than a partner/parent. I’ve often thought about leaving and going home where I’d have more family support and could work also, but I love our family, when we get to be a family. I feel selfish for feeling this way. Is it really as big an issue as I think or am I just being irrational? Advice?
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 January 2019):
Get an occasional baby sitter so you CAN get a little “Me-time”. Like go to the gym, go for a cup of coffee, a walk, whatever.And then TALK to your husband. I GET that he is working HARD so you can stay home and take care of the kids, but HE is still THEIR dad and THEY (and you) STILL need him to be PART of the family. Talk about moving CLOSER perhaps to your family, IF it is realistic with his job as well. If not, THEN you! (yes YOU) need to build a support-net where you are. Find mommy & me groups, get out of the house, with the kids.You are not selfish for feeling you need more support and to not always be the ONE who does ALL the kid-related work.I have been there done that. My husband was gone more than he was home, that is just the “military life-style” and I was FAR away from my family, friends and support-net, which makes it much harder too.YOU made a choice to not only have 3 kids, but to STAY at home with them. Make it work. And if it REALLY doesn’t… Then re-think that plan. Maybe find a part-time job that PAYS for the daycare (and a little extra) and try that out.And don’t think HE is liking being away from you all either. I don’t think many dad who travel or work long hours, rather be away.When he IS home (and have had some rest too) let him take over with the kids. Maybe start with some one-on-one things with one kid at a time. The older kids will benefit more from it then the wee one. But that doesn’t mean the little one should be ignored.And DO find time to HAVE some date-nights with your husband (even if it’s just out for a dinner or lunch) while someone (babysitter) watches the kids.Being a SAHM is VERY repetitious. Having a CLEAR and workable schedule DOES help (or at least it did me). With #1 and #2 I used to clean when they were napping. When #3 came along… well, I’d either NAP with all of them… Or just relax and read a book. Doing 15 min. burst cleaning here and there when they were all occupied. Of course once it works well, they schedule changes. THAT is life.It won’t be long before #1 starts school (or even pre-school) which is GOOD for the kids (on a social level) and good for the sibling and FOR you.
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