Hi everyone! Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this. I’m not sure my question belongs on a relationship site, but this is seems like the most suited place I’ve come across so far so I’m just gonna give it a try.
I’m a bisexual (or pansexual) female headed for my 30s. I’ve never really had a problem with my sexuality, coming out was a very organic thing for me and went very smooth – my family and friends accepted this straight away and were not bothered or surprised by me switching between sexes in my relationships. I’m in a loving relationship now, since about 5 years, with a girl. We live together and everything is going great, no hiccups, no problems (besides the usual), still in love. Have no plans or desires to change this, either. However, there is this recurring theme throughout my life where I come across women significantly older than me with whom I develop a special, deep kind of bond. For as long as I can remember I’ve had this happen to me, with teachers, friends’ moms, coworkers… It’s not like it happens every week or something, but throughout my years I’ve seen about 7-8 of them come and go, some of those really very intense, and then some smaller short-lived connections here and there as well. They usually end organically, as in, one of us moves away physically or mentally. Sometimes these endings have been very emotional, and the woman either sought me out repeatedly after, or vice versa, while one of us was already not in the same state of mind anymore. You could say it would feel like a breakup, however it’s never been sexual, it’s always just been extremely emotional. I’ve never been able to lay my finger on this “problem”. I call it a problem because they occupy my mind, we connect on a level where it’s difficult to let go, they latch onto some part of my brain and the relationship becomes very prominent in my life. It’s more than just a regular friendship where you hang out and have fun, let’s say, but it’s definitely not the traditional kind of relationship where you spend a lot of time together and kiss and discover each other in that intense way. They are mutual, so it’s not just me obsessing over some unattainable person, they too draw to me and confide in me and tell me they’re confused about their feelings and have never had this happen before. Especially because the age difference is usually at least 15 years, and for most women in that age category they don’t necessarily often feel the need to spend time with someone that much younger than them. It’s been a long time since I had one of these situations, but I definitely have not forgotten the signs and signals that I’ve become very aware of – and I see a situation developing on the horizon. As it’s not sexual and there is no cheating involved in that sense, I don’t feel bad about it, and my girlfriend knows about the woman and that we’re getting close in that sense – there’s no secrets. But as I know how intense these situations can get, I do feel like it’s something I want to address and learn to work through, as it occupies valuable space in my brain. I know there’s such a thing as emotional cheating, but I honestly don’t feel like my relationships with these women compare to my love relationships. Meaning, I don’t feel like my relationship that’s developing with this woman now, has anything to do with or is anything I can compare to my relationship with my girlfriend. It’s just this strange type of connection that I just can’t seem to fully explain or comprehend, still, after all these years of it happening.I guess what I’m looking for is any type of insight, maybe someone recognizes parts of my story, or knows where this might come from. Thanks guys!
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