A female Health And Fitness im-keeping-it-light-and-my-options-open-does-this-make-me-a-bad-person I'm keeping it light and my options open, does this make me a bad person? Relationship & Sex    age 36-40, *ellykaw writes:

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Hi, so I’m a single mum, I’ve been on my own for about 7 years now, I haven’t dated in a few years as I just couldn’t be bothered anymore. But recently on a Facebook group I’ve met two men, I like them both, and they are both aware of each other, but I can’t help but feel a bit guilty as I feel like I’m messing with them and I’m not like that, as I’m nervous about being in a relationship again I’m just taking my time getting to know them, but I can tell feelings are quite strong for me by both! This hasn’t happened to me before!! One is a bit jealous of the other which makes me feel a bit bad. Do I just carry on talking to them both? I am keeping my options open as I won’t just settle.

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A female reader, kellykaw Health And Fitness im-keeping-it-light-and-my-options-open-does-this-make-me-a-bad-person I'm keeping it light and my options open, does this make me a bad person? Relationship & Sex     +, writes (11 December 2018):

kellykaw is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for replies! I met them on a singles group, I was talking to one for about a week when the other started talking to me, at first I thought nothing of it as I’ve spoke to many men on these groups and it’s always a hi, small talk and then nothing, so assumed it would be the same thing. It wasn’t and because one was tagging me they found out about each other. And it’s not like I can just go on a date as they both live far away! It’s strictly online right now. And yes I do need to pick one as it’s not fair on either of them, I know this. But they both have great qualities and not being able to meet them yet is making it hard to choose

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A male reader, WiseOwlE Health And Fitness im-keeping-it-light-and-my-options-open-does-this-make-me-a-bad-person-1 I'm keeping it light and my options open, does this make me a bad person? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (10 December 2018):

There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. You don’t have to feel guilty; because you’re weighing your options and taking your time. You have no commitment established with either of them. That’s what wisdom and experience has taught you; and you’re strong and independent enough to not be rushed by desperation. Besides, you’ve never even met! They may not like you, or vice versa! You don’t know whom you like; until you’ve spent real-time with them. One of them. You’re not 16, so you have to put your adult panties on. Choose the one most honest, forthcoming, respectful, and makes you feel safest. Consider distance.The two men are aware of each other. Men are naturally competitive; and if we have a romantic-interest in someone, it’s natural (regardless of your gender) to want to be chosen ahead of the other option! So you have a friendly rivalry going; but don’t drag it out. Then you would be toying with their emotions; and both will just lose interest based on that alone.Careful with your vanity; because you’re getting too much attention, which can go to your head. If you decide to meet and date one, you have to let-go of the other. Playing them against each other is making trouble. You don’t date two people at the same time; and expect one to just “wait his turn.” I’ll be honest, I don’t know why or how you made them aware of each other? It really wasn’t smart nor fair of you.It’s either, or…not both! You wouldn’t like being someone’s second-choice; or the person somebody settled for.Stay level-headed and fair. Eventually they’ll take you for a player; and may turn the tides. They will play with your emotions, and both dump you.

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A female reader, Honeypie Health And Fitness im-keeping-it-light-and-my-options-open-does-this-make-me-a-bad-person-1 I'm keeping it light and my options open, does this make me a bad person? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (10 December 2018):

Health And Fitness 98df9f73-904a-4dd9-a948-14179b833b87 I'm keeping it light and my options open, does this make me a bad person? Relationship & Sex    I think as long as they KNOW you talk to the other and STILL want to talk to you, it’s not an issue.But WHEN/IF romantic endeavors – like romantic dates, sex (even cybersex, if you are into that) happens then you need to consider how YOU would feel if ONE of these men were talking to other women as well as romancing you.In general, I’n not a fan of pursuing multiple people at them same time. I think it’s quantity over quality. It’s a little lazy. However, that all comes down to HOW you feel, and what you end-goal is and… if THEY are OK with it too.I have to agree with YCBNS that you really should meet them in person before making ANY decision. YOU really can’t tell how DEEP they feel about you when you haven’t even met them in person. Trust me, someone can sound VERY romantic and loving in writing, but in person they are a cold fish or really not so engaging. For now… what you have is FANTASY and WHAT IF’s.And I think someone being JEALOUS of you talking to someone else, yet sticks around… it’s a bit of a red flag to me.Meet up in a public setting. See if you hit it off in person too. No intimacy just to talk and get a more well-rounded idea of each guy. Who do you have more in common with? Goals, background, values, likes, dislikes, religion/faith perhaps, etc. Do either live close by? Is there a realistic future here?And don’t involve your kids with EITHER of these men. I’d wait until you have picked one (if any of them) and dated for a good 12 months.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious Health And Fitness im-keeping-it-light-and-my-options-open-does-this-make-me-a-bad-person I'm keeping it light and my options open, does this make me a bad person? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (10 December 2018):

Health And Fitness cb00d1ef-0a14-495d-ae29-55bd6b6b2f04 I'm keeping it light and my options open, does this make me a bad person? Relationship & Sex    It sounds like you haven’t actually met either of them. Am I right? If that is the case, then I can see no reason why you should not just carry on “getting to know them” as you are doing. You don’t owe either of them anything at this stage, despite what “feelings” they may profess to have for you. You have not lied. You have not promised either of them anything. They are just two guys you are getting to know to see if there is a possible future with either of them. Trust your instincts. Take your time. Meet up with one or both at some point if you feel you want to. Don’t forget to be careful about your safety, regardless of how well you feel you “know” these guys. Good luck.

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