How do you break up with someone your not in love with without hurting them?I think my new boyfriend is obsessed with me and something just doesn’t feel right.
About a year ago I had a hurtful breakup with my ex boyfriend of 3 years who I deeply loved.I was so devastated I went on dates to get my mind off of him.About a month after the breakup I met my current boyfriend and we starting dating. He is so romantic and responsible.Everything I wanted my ex to be in the beginning. I had high hopes we could work.Eventually We made it exclusive. The problem is we’ve been together a year and he is becoming very attached to me and sometimes possessive. He says he loves me, he’s ready for us to have children and marry.I don’t know why but I haven’t fallen in love with him! I like him,I care about him but I don’t feel chemistry that way and I’ve been trying to force it but its not working.I’ve been forcing it because I’m scared of many things. I’m scared of starting over at my age,and a little scared of how he would react if i ended things.He has a horrible temper and can be very emotional and impulsive which is a red flag for me and part of the reason I don’t see the relationship working.He seems to be getting very jealous asking me questions about where I am and telling me to quit my job and move in with him so he can take care of me.I feel like I made a mistake being with him and I don’t know how to get out of this respectfully without any drama.He’s done so much for me to keep me in the relationship.I feel guilty that I don’t love him.
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A male reader, WiseOwlE + ♥, writes (11 November 2018):
It seems this guy may have been a rebound-romance following your previous breakup. That’s why you should never seek comfort for post-breakup emotions by dating. Your current situation is exactly what could happen. The rebound-guy becomes attached; and they could be absolutely the wrong person.You have to summon the courage to tell this guy the truth. You could find yourself in this situation for years to come; and it will start to feel like a hostage situation. You got yourself into this, now you have to get yourself out! Fear ain’t no excuse! What are you waiting for? Some other reason to piss him off, and get your teeth knocked-out?Set your phone on speed-dial for a male family-member, the police, or send a group-text to all your friends; if you fear he will hurt you after telling him. Don’t wait for a heated argument or watch him go-off. Call for help as soon as you tell him. Alert friends and family ahead of time.Always inform your family when in a scary domestic-situation or relationship. Hiding it is stupid and dangerous. Fear is heightened by being in the situation alone.Either have him leave, or ask someone come and pick you up.If he makes threats, report it to the police; file an order of protection, and call the police anytime you feel threatened. Cut-off all contact, block calls, and have family and friends around you until you feel safe.End it now! Sooner rather than later. It’s even more dangerous to lead him on, bottle it up until you lose it; then blurt it out in the heat of an argument! Like too many foolish women might do in a situation like yours! That is like throwing gasoline on a campfire!
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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (11 November 2018):
You can’t force yourself to love him if you simply can’t. To be honest, the temper and controlling tendencies should be sufficient to make anyone question the viability of the relationship. You are right to want to get out. You know you NEED to get out. Staying is not an option if you don’t love this guy and if you are scared of him. Tell him in a public place that you have decided the relationship is not going to work for you. Make sure you can get home independently, i.e. not having to accept a lift from him. Perhaps even arrange to have someone drop you off and wait for you so that you are not alone. Think beforehand what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. You can be honest without being cruel. Just tell him it is not working for you and that you cannot love him as he deserves. You do not need to enter into prolonged discussions or give lots of “reasons”.
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