Just wanted to ask others opinions on this subject. Basically i have quite a bit of bad look with relationships, i have my own house and and have been living on my own now with just my dog and rabbit which is how i like it for 3 years now. I did meet someone just under a year ago started off as friendship but then in the last 6 months has grown into something else.
He has recently got divorced from being seperated for 2 years, and his 2 children live with the mother. In the agreement of the divorce, he is paying for the mortgage of the house that she lives, his old house, until the children until are eighteen on the basis that this then gives her no entitlement to his pension. I am 38 he is 52. I always expected to have family of my own one day but the long term relationship i was in unfortuanltey dropped a bombshell on me of him being transgendered, ie thinks hes a female. Anyway eventually i could not cope with him trying to portray as female on a regular basis and his depression and jelousy made me ill. so i had to end it. The relationship after this one was a very phycsologically abusive one which i later realised i was having a relationship with whats determined as a narcasist. this ended after his re occurance of and mental torture and games he played. I felt happy i had my own security, a good job and my lovley dog with a lovely family, parents etc which saw me through this terrible times/times. Anyway i always thought i would have a baby but because of the bad experiences i always made sure that i took precaustions to ensure that i wouldnt fall pregnant. Anyway with who i with now, i always made sure that he uses something, and he has always asked me how do i feel about having children and i said it was always what i thought id do but obviously things went wrong with the relationships so i didnt take the risk. He has been keen to want to move in with me for some time as he is sharing a house with a freind, he cant get a mortgage i doubt because of his age and the fact he has to pay the mortgage of his old house until the girls are 18. He can take an early retirement in 3 years and as he works for the NHS he gets a lump sum pay out of 75 K which will put him in a different postion then possibly. Anyway, basically i have fallen pregnant, and i am happy in a way, but also so stressed because he is pressuring me into that he should move in. And this is causing me deep anxiety and making me have second thoughts about the baby. My house is only small, im used to living on my own with my dog and the thought of someone being there all the time terrifies me and horrfys me. He knows how i feel about it and i said maybe you will just start staying over more when the baby is here, and see how i feel about it and do things gradually, his answer was he doesnt feel happy with this as would want to be there all the time and says that it is only right and right for the baby. So now this is making me panic. I know some would say, if he were right for you you would want him there all the time, but i disagree with this as i dont think it would matter who it was, im used and comfortable with my own security and space. Opinions would be great thanks
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A female reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (12 November 2018):
You know yourself by now OP, and you are well aware of what makes you feel comfortable and what doesn’t. If you are happy as you are then don’t let him talk you into moving in with you. If it doesn’t feel right then you should listen to your feelings. This is about YOU and what is best for you. Your boyfriend should accept what you feel and support you not try and make you feel badly about things. Its wonderful being pregnant (congrats!) but it can also be very stressful and you need to have a calm quiet environment during these months. Lean on your family and take care of YOU. I can certainly understand your reluctance to have someone in your home after your other relationships. Truth be told, once you move in with someone it is not always that easy to part ways if things go wrong so don’t be afraid to state that at this point you are comfortable living in seperate homes. Too bad if he doesn’t like it he needs to be looking out for you, not causing you stress.Good luck with the pregnancy and be well.
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A female reader, Aunty BimBim + ♥, writes (12 November 2018):
No! Don’t be pressured into anything. It is not necessary for the baby’s well being for him to live in the same house, if it was he would still be living in the same house as his other two children.If you prefer to take this slow then he has to be aware and accept this. YOUR well being and comfort is paramount. You have already dealt with wo very horrible and draining relationships, he needs to recognise where you are coming from before he turns this into horrible relationship number three. It sounds as if you have good family support. Stay strong and don’t let him bully you into doing something you don’t want to do.
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