I’ve been with my boyfriend since I was 18, I’m now 26 and we’ve lived together for 3 years. In truth I feel like he is my ‘comfort blanket’ – I feel safe around him, he makes good decisions etc. And looks after me, I feel safe having him there, And I’ve never lived alone.we both work full time.
He’s constantly on his Xbox and we don’t really have many date nights unless I request them. However he is also very loyal on the plus side, I know that deep down he loves me and would do anything for me, he always checks if I’m ok if I come home late from work. I feel like he shouts really loudly and nastily at me most days, usually for silly things, like not being clear on what time I was meeting my friends, or for talking to him while he’s on the headset to his friends on Xbox, or for washing the tin opener. I stand up for myself but this just comes naturally to him, he thinks it’s normal to shout that way. Sometimes it’s very loud the neighbours can hear and he grits his teeth when he talks to me, but I know he would never ever hurt me, that’s just how he talks. I think I’m a nice person and always happy, I don’t like arguments.I asked if we could go out today as a date meal, and he invited his friend. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy socialising when it’s been organised, but I was looking forward to a date night.. he does this a lot, but I bet he would get really mad if I invited my friend along. Anyway I told him that he had already invited his friend now so he might as well come along now, or it would be rude, and he shouted at me for contradicting myself and he got really angry. I’m just sick of being shouted at all the time. I’m so scared to leave in case I don’t find anyone else, I had wanted to be married by the time I was 30 and a part of me wants to leave and do the things I had dreamed of (travel, etc) but then I worry I am too old at 26 and don’t want to be alone. I’m scared in case I regret it, I do love him but I’m sick of being taken for granted. Please help…Thanks for reading 🙂
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A male reader, Code Warrior + ♥, writes (1 January 2019):
It seems like you want to stay with him but would like him to pay more attention to you. He sounds obsessed with gaming and I believe his anger is related to his perception that you rudely interrupt his gaming time. I’m not saying you’re being rude, I’m saying he thinks you’re being rude because he’s not realizing how much time he’s wasting on gaming. If he’s constantly gaming, then that would explain why he grits his teeth in anger and shouts at you on most days when you try to talk to him.I don’t know if he’ll change his gaming habits. I think he’s addicted to gaming. If you want to have a family, that’s really going to cut into his gaming time, so how angry well that make him?I think you need to prepare yourself for the idea that you might have to break up with him. 26 is not old, and lot’s of men are looking for women with a small number of sexual partners. Also, you’re faithful, loyal, kind, and loving, so you have a lot to offer a man, so I don’t think you’d have a hard time finding another man. Frankly, your boyfriend is pretty foolish for letting you slip away.Before you break up with him, I think you need to have this conversation about your future. I think you need to tell him all the things you’ve told us and I think you need to make it clear that your relationship hangs in the balance. And, if things don’t improve, I think you need to break up with him.
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