Dear cupid, I’ve been wirth my boyfriend for about 2 yrs now, we live together and are very committed to each other and growing our life together. 2 nights ago we were watching a movie and there were preganant women and kids it. I’m in my early 30s and hes in his late 20’s. I ended up saying to my boyfriend “were gonna have a baby right” all excited and what not, and he ended up saying ” I’m putting to much pressure on him”, that we agreed to talk about this in 2 years. I was honestly excited about the idea not meaning I wanted a baby now. I got so angry and replied “I dont want your sperm anyways” ( something along those lines) well It’s been two days and he has not spoken to me. We talked about not wasting time when we have disagreements but he did care one bit. Im tired of being the bigger person. It hurts. Not sure what to do.
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A male reader, Code Warrior + ♥, writes (12 January 2019):
How, exactly, do you figure you’re the bigger person? You insulted him in an extremely hurtful way. Frankly, you were spiteful and vindictive. That kind of comment about not wanting his sperm anyway was extremely childish, immature, hurtful, and WAY, WAY, out of proportion to his comment about you putting pressure on him.In my opinion, it’s a red flag that you can’t handle simple disagreements like an adult. It indicates that a future with you would be full of childish and vindictive overreactions. Even worse than that is that you feel justified in having that response and feel like you’re being the bigger person if you reach out to him.You are by no means the bigger person and if he’s smart, he’ll break up with you, and if he were here, that’s exactly what I’d tell him to do. If also advise other men to avoid you until you grow up and start behaving like an adult instead of a child that throws temper tantrums and feels justified in doing so.
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A female reader, janniepeg + ♥, writes (11 January 2019):
If you were ten years younger, then I could defend his response but at his age he’s still not ready to be a father? He could have his own personal reasons but I have to wonder if he wanted kids at all. He certainly shouldn’t be wasting time because your biological clock is ticking. You did not have a disagreement. His silence is telling you he did not know what the future is, because you really want kids and he doesn’t. The only “agreement” he had at the beginning about kids is so that the relationship could continue up to this stage, the living together stage. I don’t know if his sperm quality is good, but I certainly won’t be making a baby with someone who cannot show any enthusiasm. I wasn’t there with you when he said he felt pressured. We are humans and we all feel pressure at times. It’s what we do with the feelings of pressure that matters. Do we use it as fuel to get motivated? Do we run away? For that two days’ silence? That says a lot.
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