I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and when we first got together, we had quite a lot of sex. Before him, I hadn’t really found anyone that I “clicked” with so kind of went without. When we were first dating, we did it a LOT. Like, 2 times a day during the week and probably 4 or 5 times at the weekend. But obviously as time has passed, we have less sex, which is pretty normal.
Anyway, I feel like I have gradually got a low sex drive and my boyfriend still wants a lot. We could spend an hour having sex and we’ll both orgasm at the end of it, yet he will want to go again right after. It makes me feel bad and he’ll make comments like “oh, we haven’t had sex in X amount of days” and it really bugs me and makes me feel almost obligated to have sex with him (he’d never force me). When he makes these comments, I’ll just roll my eyes and sigh.Also, he keeps asking me to do anal with him and I’ve said I really don’t want to. And he makes regular comments about me not giving him enough oral (I’ll probably do it once every 6 months or something). I’ve stated that I don’t like giving oral because it makes me feel like I can’t breath. What should I do? I love him in every other way, but is it normal to be a bit incompatible in this manner? When we have sex, it’s really good, it’s just the politics around it all…
View related questions: orgasm, sex drive, sex life
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A female reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (21 March 2019):
I think its pretty common that most couples are not equally matched in their desires for sex. The happy partnerships are the ones where they reach some sort of compromise where both people are relatively happy. Lets face it..you give a little..you get a little is better than all or nothing! The bottom line is that you two need to talk this out. He shouldn’t be making demands, whining and generally making you feel badly. He sounds immature and selfish. This problem isn’t going to go away and it will get worse over time if you don’t both work at making sex fun for both of you. You will grow more disenchanted and not want sex at all. BTW..no does mean no and you certainly should not agree to do something like anal sex unless you really want to. I would put my foot down with this and say its just off the table, I’m NEVER going to do this. He needs to get over that. Talk it out and don’t let him bully or push you into anything that you aren’t completely happy and comfortable with.
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 March 2019):
I don’t think it’s all about not being compatible… I think it’s about boundaries and NOT respecting them.If you have told him, NO I DO NOT want to do anal he NEEDS to respect that and STOP frigging asking for it!If you don’t ENJOY giving oral but you still (occasionally do so) to PLEASE him, he needs to RESPECT that it’s something YOU do not enjoy. Oral is not a end or BE all. He might REALLY enjoy it. However, does that mean YOU should just “suck it up” (pun intended) and do it to please him?From what you write it SEEMS like he thinks SEX is all about him. That it isn’t about mutual pleasure.You will LOSE your libido further if you two do not get this TALKED about and sorted out.The thing is, IF he feels LOVED by the amount of sex he gets would that make you WANT to have more sex?YOU should be “ALLOWED” to say no. Without being “whined at” to pressure you to do it anyways.You two need to talk. Seriously.
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