A female age 36-40, anonymous writes:

The Fat Decimator System

Hi aunts and uncles. I AM A MARRIED WOMAN. My question relates to my being an apparent “worry wart” according to my husband of 10 years.

My husband used to sext me all the time. He goes on business trips several times per year. We would send naked photos to each other and even have “naughty” video exchanges. I enjoyed that a lot. But that has no longer been happening. I would keep doing it. Him, not so much. I think it is still fun and keeps things spicy and passionate. But he says if he doesn’t have me close by to be physical with, he has no desire. He thinks the naughty exchanges are now useless but before, they weren’t. He tells me he is not thinking about sex while he is gone and that if I turn him on, it will be agonizing for him suffering with a boner all the time. But when on business trips in Australia, South America, Antarctica, Hawaii, Norway, Japan, the South Pacific, and other places, we would always have sexting and video exchanges. I have copies of all the sexy emails back and forth. But that has now stopped. My question is why has his pattern changed? He used to love sexting and all that. Now, he says he doesn’t want to get turned on while he is away because he can’t have sex with me. But it used to build anticipation. He liked that. But recently he has brushed me off? It has made me feel unwanted and undesirable.Do you think it is a possibility he is avoiding sexual engagement with me because he has been having sex with other women and is therefore not horny?

View related questions: horny, married woman, no desire

<– Rate this Question

Reply to this Question

Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2018):

He has no reason to tell you to stop sending pictures etc if he was seeing other women. My boyfriend doesn’t care about me doing stuff like that, he doesn’t object but he would prefer to see me in person. His travel is just the norm now and part of his job, the excitement has probably gone from that not you and he would sooner be back at home with you. You are trying to recapture the honeymoon period, which is great that you still want to make the effort to please your man but is just being honest with you, would you not prefer that?

<– Rate this answer

A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2018):

Thank you for the answers thus far. It’s the OP here. I guess perhaps I try too hard? Just making sure he knows I always want and desire him. So many wives no longer make the effort. But I do. Yes, we do have intellectual talks. But what’s wrong with a spicy conversation or two? We say I love you and I miss you a lot. I am wondering what I should be doing differently? Personally, I think it’s important to keep the sexual passion alive.

<– Rate this answer

………………………….   

A female reader, Youcannotbeserious Health And Fitness is-my-husband-avoiding-sexual-engagement-with-me-because-he-has-been-having-sex-with-other-women-and-is-therefore-not-horny Is my husband avoiding sexual engagement with me because he has been having sex with other women and is therefore not horny? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (18 December 2018):

Health And Fitness is-my-husband-avoiding-sexual-engagement-with-me-because-he-has-been-having-sex-with-other-women-and-is-therefore-not-horny Is my husband avoiding sexual engagement with me because he has been having sex with other women and is therefore not horny? Relationship & Sex    No, I don’t think his reluctance to sext and participate in dirty photo & video exchange means he is having sex with other women. You don’t mention any problems when he is home, so I assume everything is still ok when you two are actually back together? I think it is rather a sign that this sort of activity no longer works for him. Relationships always “settle down” after a while and yours just sounds like it has matured with time (even if YOU haven’t). I am not saying you should not keep in contact while your husband is away but, in your shoes, I would stop expecting so much sex content in the conversations. Instead, how about asking him how his day has been, or how his hotel is, or other stuff he might want to share. Tell him you love him and miss him. The more pressure you put on him, the more likely he is to back off.

<– Rate this answer

………………………….   

A male reader, WiseOwlE Health And Fitness is-my-husband-avoiding-sexual-engagement-with-me-because-he-has-been-having-sex-with-other-women-and-is-therefore-not-horny-1 Is my husband avoiding sexual engagement with me because he has been having sex with other women and is therefore not horny? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (18 December 2018):

No, he’s tired of it; because it has lost the novelty. You can do things until they lose the excitement, and get boring. He told you he doesn’t like being teased and have to feel over-excited; and can’t do anything about it.You’re a mature couple now. Not in your 20’s anymore and some things you used to do no longer have the effect they used to have. If you’re going to start getting suspicious; you’re going to stress yourself out, and start to annoy your lover.Maybe it’s time to try something new, or just use the time to chat and keep each other company. If you do something too much, you can wear it out.You’re going to ruin things; because now you’re starting to use it as a test. How many pictures of yourself can you send? It’s still you! He’s away working. You get tired, jet lag, different time-zones, distracted by work, and you get homesick. I know from my own experience and having to travel for work; or when my partner is away on business. You have to be patient and save it for when he gets home.Repeating the same activity over and over and over takes the fun out of it. Time to be mature and have some patience. For some things there is no substitute. There’s nothing like the real thing!

<– Rate this answer

………………………….   

The 2 Week Diet