There is a girl I really like, I see her every day. I know I should just ask her out but i am very shy and as much as people tell me to do it i find it hard, but i think I will have the confidence if i see some signs that she is interested. But i feel I am getting quite mixed signals.When i first see her, she isn’t that chatty. she will answer what i ask her but doesn’t really keep the conversation going. She is very shy. Sometimes she will open up and chat with me for hours and the last 10 days or so things have gotten a lot better (i’ve had a crush on her for 6 months and had no hope it would be possible until recently). Previously I would see her a few times a week, say hi, how are you etc but the conversation didn’t go anywhere. However 2 weekends ago she was more chatty and stayed with me for 4 hours talking about lots of things, the next night was the same. We are both students so I see her in the common room or kitchen usually.In this time we’ve spent more time together than before, spent several hours talking in the evenings about all sorts of things, we made a cake and decorated it together, i gave her a piano lesson etc fairly random things but she seemed keen to spend time with me, get to know me more and she will sometimes stand very close to me etc. She is from another country and her english isn’t perfect, i think she sometimes finds it tough to make the conversation if she isn’t 100% relaxed but when she is relaxed she can speak more naturally.When we have time to spend together, she opens up a lot, compliments me a lot, plays with her hair, makes eye contact then looks away and smiles, asks me questions and the conversation flows very well etc. She always likes my posts on social media and is one of the first to see them always. She sometimes messages me on there which is something she has only started to do in the last week.I do a lot of art and she commented on it and I gave her the painting she liked most.I get some signals from her that make me feel she could be interested, but the next time i see her again she has closed off again and I feel i try to encourage the conversation but its hard. Today I saw her and she just wasn’t chatty at all, she seemed happy and smiled at me and replied to everything i said with attention, but didn’t really try to keep the conversation going.I can’t figure out of she is very shy and speaking a foreign language etc or if she is just not into me?She also may not be able to stay in the country after her studies finish so may not be looking for anything.Do you think any of the things i’ve written suggest I have a chance?I will try to build up the courage to ask her but I’m looking for advice that isn’t that as I know that’s the obvious thing to do.
View related questions: confidence, crush, shy
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A male reader, N91 + ♥, writes (1 March 2019):
How good is her English? I think she may be struggling to find something to say as she doesn’t fully know how to, so rather than mess up what she’s thinking, doesn’t say it at all. I think the simple fact that she’s started to come out of her shell a bit more with you seems like a good sign. That she’s comfortable around you and happy to talk even though she may find it difficult.Just ask her something light. Something like a drink, or bite to eat or somewhere where you share a common interest and take it from there. If she says no, then you know she was just being friendly, if she says yes, then it looks promising.Good luck
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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (1 March 2019):
Instead of building up to something “big”, why not just ask her to see a film or for a coffee or something else she would like to do? Visit an art gallery perhaps, if you both like art? Not an official “date” as such, but just spending time together. You are both shy so this would be easier for both of you.Never underestimate how difficult it is to have to think in a different language. Also English is one of the most difficult languages when learning pronunciation. (Just think bough – cough – dough – enough – all same ending but different spelling, just for starters.) She may just have days when she is mentally tired and not up to thinking in another language. Why not ask her about HER language and ask her to teach you a few words and phrases? To be frank, if she didn’t like you she would not be spending hours talking with you and baking cakes, shyness or no shyness.
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