A female Health And Fitness ive-been-bullied-by-my-brother-in-law-for-17-years-what-is-the-best-revenge I’ve been bullied by my brother-in-law for 17 years! What is the best revenge? Relationship & Sex    age 26-29, anonymous writes:

The Fat Decimator System

I have a brother in law and for 17 years he has disliked me from the very moment he laid eyes on me. I am a very likeable and confident, and id like to say hot girl lol i am hilarious and fun love to tell stories and make people laugh i dont have any enemies in truth, only him. He has over the years got very angry and shown his true colours by having to send flowers and apologise but still he goes back to his old ways of bullying and mental abuse like not talking to me and then saying inppropriate sexual degrading comments or simply shushing me when i speak, that my parents dont say anything because they have grandchildren and probably dont want to get on the wrong side of him. I am losing the plot now, tonight we all had a family dinner and his energy was so bad, gave me dirty looks at the table, no hi and he disappeared on purpose when i had to leave with my parents so he could avoid saying goodbye. He is one asshole that i want revenge for, because i am blaming my parents now that they should have stood up for me a long time ago, i dont have anyone on my side to defend me but trust me the whole family noticed it, including my sister but they all stay silent. What the hell can i do ?? My neices begged me to sleep over there tonight but i could not because of how bad the energy was i couldnt wait to get out of his house! ive tried to confront him many times but his answer is always the same ‘i can honestly say i dont know what it is about you’ i am this close to cutting the whole family off because nobody is sticking up for me and i am sick of this endless nastiness. Somebody please give me some advice.

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A female reader, Honeypie Health And Fitness ive-been-bullied-by-my-brother-in-law-for-17-years-what-is-the-best-revenge-1 I’ve been bullied by my brother-in-law for 17 years! What is the best revenge? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (22 September 2018):

Health And Fitness ive-been-bullied-by-my-brother-in-law-for-17-years-what-is-the-best-revenge I’ve been bullied by my brother-in-law for 17 years! What is the best revenge? Relationship & Sex    So this guy is used to pushing people around and not giving a crap about them, even his own siblings… What a total dinkus!I’d stop trying to be nice and just ignore him. If you don’t HAVE to be around him, don’t. And when you do, focus on everyone else in the room but him.Revenge will get you nowhere. It will just show him that he has “won” in getting you to be as big of a douche as he is. Know what I mean? So stop playing his games. He is used to people trying to be nice to him. And he gets pleasure from having power over them, don’t be one of his sad minions.Take some deep breaths and consider this… While he IS your sister’s husband, and your nieces dad… YOU don’t owe him squat, not even being nice.So if he is rude at dinner just roll you eyes and go back to ignoring him. And keep that up. He won’t like that ONE bit. Because he is USED to even his sibling having to “kiss his bum” at work. Well, you don’t work for him and really besides from being your BIL he is no one to you. At least no one you need to try and be nice to or impress.FOCUS on the people in your life who MATTERS. (he doesn’t). FOCUS on the good people, the positive ones. The ones who don’t ooze all this spiteful bitterness, like him.You will find that life will bring good people and “bad” ones around, your job is to not let the “bad” ones ruin you or other good ones.Decide if you want him to maintain “power” over you or not. If not, then just think of him as a sad sack of manure whom you CAN ignore even if he stinks.”Living a good life really is the best revenge, once they acknowledge that they cannot ruin your happiness, they lose their power.”

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2018):

It is not clear from your post if you are living with your parents or not but I would say either way avoid him and tell your sister you will not be around when he is around. Just ignore him and as honeypie says stand up to him and give him s*** whenever he is nasty to you that soon will let him know his place.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2018):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe only auntie in this group that is close to understanding this truthfully is honeypie and wiseowl, so thanks for your comments. The reason why it bothers me is because my mum and dad are both a bit afriad of him, he is a very strong character and hes very much all about money and power and there is something about me that makes him feel uncomfortable, whatever that is. My sister told me that he doesnt treat his own brothers and sisters with respect, after all, they all worked for him in his company and he treated them like second class citizens,thats the way he is. Of course its okay for someone not to like you i get that u cant be liked by everyone but he is my brotherinlaw and he should make an EFFORT as i do to be nice. As you said he gets pure enjoyment out of rubbing me up the wrong way so that from my perspective is sick! and thats why i want revenge because he is a pathetic man trying to put a girl down for no reason.

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A female reader, Ivyblue Health And Fitness ive-been-bullied-by-my-brother-in-law-for-17-years-what-is-the-best-revenge-2 I’ve been bullied by my brother-in-law for 17 years! What is the best revenge? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (22 September 2018):

Health And Fitness ive-been-bullied-by-my-brother-in-law-for-17-years-what-is-the-best-revenge-1 I’ve been bullied by my brother-in-law for 17 years! What is the best revenge? Relationship & Sex    Personally I wouldn’t be seeking any sort of revenge tactics because it says more about you than anything else. No satisfaction in people thinking your a vengeful bitch. I would confront him again but not with the goal of seeking some sort of understanding from him. He enjoys rubbing salt into your wounds each time by his comments that he just doesn’t know what it is about you that ticks him off. Instead I would keep it short and simple like ” I cant believe I let someone like you get under my skin for so long when reality is your just a dick and the feeling is mutual”

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious Health And Fitness ive-been-bullied-by-my-brother-in-law-for-17-years-what-is-the-best-revenge I’ve been bullied by my brother-in-law for 17 years! What is the best revenge? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (22 September 2018):

Health And Fitness cb00d1ef-0a14-495d-ae29-55bd6b6b2f04 I’ve been bullied by my brother-in-law for 17 years! What is the best revenge? Relationship & Sex    When I read this: “I am a very likeable and confident, and id like to say hot girl lol i am hilarious and fun love to tell stories and make people laugh i dont have any enemies”, my first thought was that you come across as someone who thinks they are God’s gift to mankind. Apologies if that is a bit harsh but, if someone describes themselves using words like “hot” and “hilarious”, MY immediate reaction is to want to bring them down a peg or two. While it is ok for OTHER people to describe you using adjectives like that, describing YOURSELF in that vocabulary gives the impression you are completely in love with yourself. I suspect this MAY be the reason your BIL has a problem with you but either doesn’t know how to vocalize it or just chooses not to. I would love to hear HIS side of this story. Stating you have no enemies but him sounds like you feel entitled to people liking you. Let me tell you, NOBODY is loved by EVERYBODY. You will always be disliked by SOME people. Live with it. It’s part of being an adult. Dirty looks never hurt anyone. Stop looking at him and you will not see the dirty looks. As for silence treatment, if he is nasty to you when he speaks to you, then surely silence treatment is preferable? He does not HAVE to talk to you. If everyone else loves you, as you imply, then that should be enough for you. Or do you now see him as a challenge, the ONE person in your family who is not a “fan”?I also get the impression you might be someone who exaggerates a little – possibly for effect? I mean, has he REALLY disliked you for 17 years? How old were you when he met you? No older than 12, if your profile age is correct. He disliked you from that age?As for the rest of your family standing up for you, perhaps they understand why he has a problem with you? Do you tend to monopolize conversations and enjoy the sound of your own voice because you think you are “hilarious”? Also, you are an adult. You don’t sound like a “retiring violet” type personality. Quite the contrary. You sound OVER-confident. Your family obviously do not think they NEED to stand up for you as you seem more than capable of fighting your own corner. Sexual degrading comments are obviously unacceptable and you should shoot him down every time he exhibits that sort of behaviour, something you sound quite capable of doing. Sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but it is the impression I got from your post. As I said, I would love to hear your BIL’s side of the story. Even better, I would love to be a fly on the wall in one of your family gatherings to see what REALLY goes on. Perhaps if you tone down your own “hilarious” behaviour, you might find your BIL more amenable?

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A male reader, WiseOwlE Health And Fitness ive-been-bullied-by-my-brother-in-law-for-17-years-what-is-the-best-revenge-1 I’ve been bullied by my brother-in-law for 17 years! What is the best revenge? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (22 September 2018):

Ask for your sister’s permission for your nieces to have a sleepover at your place. If you have one. If you live with your parents; it’s a two-for-one deal. Have them over for a sleepover; and there is no way your BIL can say no. You can pick them up and take them out for movies, treats, or just to hangout together. Is your BIL home 24/7?Now about your dick of a brother-in-law. Chances are, you remind him of somebody he hates. You may unfortunately be a dead-ringer, and all you do is bring-back the worst memories of his life. Not your fault, but some people are weird like that.When in his house, you have to be polite. You’re there for your sister and your nieces; and I advise you to ignore him like he ignores you. Your parents and sister pay it no mind; because it’s between him and you. Best solution, kill him with kindness and ignore his snarks and dirty looks. You’re much too grown-up to be so antsy; because somebody doesn’t like you. Welcome to reality! Some people don’t like you for no apparent reason; and don’t mind letting you know. One monkey don’t stop no show. You’re visiting your sister and her kids. If he doesn’t like that, obviously he hasn’t done anything to stop it.He’s your sister’s husband. He doesn’t have to like you, just respect you and treat you decently. If he doesn’t, then don’t come to his house.Then there are a few unanswered questions. We don’t get to ask him why he doesn’t like you?Have you and your sister ever had a major falling-out? She may be behind the scenes bad-mouthing to him about you. He’s her husband, and she tells him everything. He may feel you did her dirty. He just may not like your brand of humor or your jokes. You have a right not like him, and he has the right not to like you.You may have made an off-color remark that he overheard; or someone could have walked-back to him. He may have started-out just teasing you; but you took offense, and he’s tired of you making him out to be a bully in-front of his kids and your sister. He’s been picking on you since you were about 9? Seems like it has become a family-tradition!You don’t plot revenge on your sister’s husband without offending your sister; who will turn against you. Why would you come here to DC asking us to advise you how to hurt somebody else? That’s not what we do here. We try to help you repair relationships; or get out of them when they are too toxic to stay. Vengeance is not our thing here.Just the fact you’d want to do something bad to your own sister’s husband raises the question, if you’re as innocent as you’re claiming to be? I suspect something happened awhile back that you may have forgotten. What you thought to be benign, but he took as vicious. Maybe he does see something in you he feels uncomfortable about; after-all, you are around his kids and his wife. Accusing him of sexually-inappropriate commentary!Maybe you ought to visit when you know he’s not home. I suggest you slow your roll about getting revenge on your brother-in-law; just because he snubs and ignores you.You accuse him of making inappropriate degrading comments of a sexual-nature. In the presence of your parents, his wife, and the kids? This is okay with the entire family? Why do I sense some embellishment or exaggeration going on here? I just don’t see him getting away with all that for 17 years! If he was so horrible, I don’t see why you’d come to his house.If he makes sexually-inappropriate remarks only when you’re alone with him; nothing like a good slap! Not being alone with him is even better. Just be careful about accusations you can’t substantiate. You’ll turn your sister against you in your plot to seek revenge. Vindictiveness can backfire.Make sure you don’t turn everyone on you, thinking you’re doing them harm. You’re an adult. Your parents don’t have to protect a grown-woman. Cutting-off the whole family is foolish and makes no sense. That’s cutting off your nose to spit your face. Because your brother-in-law doesn’t much care for you. They can’t force him to like you. Just stay away from him; and invite your sister and her kids to visit with you. Avoid him and things will be fine.

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A female reader, Honeypie Health And Fitness ive-been-bullied-by-my-brother-in-law-for-17-years-what-is-the-best-revenge-1 I’ve been bullied by my brother-in-law for 17 years! What is the best revenge? Relationship & Sex     + , writes (22 September 2018):

Health And Fitness ive-been-bullied-by-my-brother-in-law-for-17-years-what-is-the-best-revenge I’ve been bullied by my brother-in-law for 17 years! What is the best revenge? Relationship & Sex    So, unless you put in the wrong age group he’s hated you since birth?Regardless. I’d tell your sister AND your parents that you are going to take a break from being around him as you feel he is toxic.If that means you see your sister and the nieces – and your parents SEPARATELY from him then SO be it.Wanting revenge because this ONE person doesn’t like you.. it makes no sense. HE IS ALLOWED to not like you. HE IS ALLOWED to be an asshat. He is even ALLOWED to give you dirty looks… it’s NOT like you OR your parents (or sister) can control this guy.If someone shushes you when speaking just inform him calmly that: “you weren’t talking to him so he can pipe down and leave the room if he doesn’t want to hear what you have to say.” If he says “inappropriate sexual degrading comments ” TO YOU – remind him that HIS kids are in the room (if they are – and if they are not simply state that you don’t want to listen to garbage then stand up and leave. KEEP doing that.This guy is ENJOYING tormenting you. I feel SO bad for your sister. She is after all MARRIED to that man!You family might not want to stick up for you for MORE than just the kids. Maybe they feel you are being a little to oversensitive? It’s really hard to know as we only get YOUR side of the story.But I don’t think you can blame your family for HIS actions. You are a grown woman and obviously perfectly capable telling this twat to stuff it.The thing is… he KNOWS how to get under your skin, he knows which buttons to push and he finds it IMMENSELY funny to drive you up the wall.SO FREAKING what that he doesn’t want to say goodbye to you? Why would you even WANT him to?OP, take a break from family events that involve him. IF you family wants to see you make it when HE isn’t around.You can’t change someone because you WANT them to change. Neither can your sister OR your parents. He is an asshat because he wants to BE one. That isn’t going to change.Don’t give him all this power over you. As for “revenge”… do you want to be like him?

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