Hey Cupids 🙂
I’ve been single for 2 years. A few months ago, I started talking to a guy who I first met 3 years ago. He’s now single, but is still very affected by his break-up (from 5/6 months ago-I think they were together a couple of years. His ex has kids and he grew quite attached to them). The problem I have is, since we started talking again and getting to know each other well, we’ve become quite close and, in some cases intimate (minus the sex). I understand that he needs time to heal and I’ve told him that I want to wait for him. He has also said that he also feels that there is a connection between us and he would like a relationship at some point, but can’t say when. I’m in a bit of a catch-22 situation. Do I let him go let him heal and hope he comes back to me or do I wait for him to ‘feel better’? He has a history of mental health issues, which are adding to this (and also something I try to support him with). There are times I feel like the space I give him , as in not seeing each other for nearly a week but messaging every now and then to check in) is allowing him to heal , but without me. I feel like I’m losing him, but also know that he needs time. What do I do, I think I’ve fallen for him hard and I’m not sure if I should wait.
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A male reader, Code Warrior + ♥, writes (18 November 2018):
Honeypie has great advice. I would only add that you don’t add people into your life that have mental heath issues. Don’t virtue signal. Mental health is a serious issue and trying to impress people with your extreme compassion is nothing more than foolishness. It’s best to be a bit of a jerk and make him prove that he’s over his mental health issues before you invite him to be a part of your life. Don’t be a fool.
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 November 2018):
Let’s say this guy takes 2 years to get over her. Would you REALLY wait 2 years? And let’s say you did… he might decide he wants to start FRESH with someone who didn’t see him when he was heart broken and “weak”. People heal and different speeds and there is NO WAY he can tell you exactly when he will be ready or if he REALLY wants anything serious with you for real. You have “fallen” for his “potential” and the “potential relationship” you COULD have with him – it’s not reality. Because he may NEVER be THAT guy (for you).Depending on what else is going on in your life, I think “waiting” for a guy to be ready is a waste of time.He said he feels a bit of a connection and THAT has lead YOU to put your life (so to speak) on hold for him. Again… the POTENTIAL of a relationship.My advice? Live your life. Maybe give yourself a little time to see IF she might decide YOU could be someone special for him, but I would put a “mental deadline” on waiting on him. Not something I’d tell HIM, but myself.Unfortunately for you, I think you are his rebound. Maybe not intentionally, but nevertheless… a rebound. So I think you need to reel in those grand “fallen” emotions a tad. It might seem just a bit to full on and partly WHY he has pulled back.
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