I am 23 and I never get hit on, catcalled, approached, or asked out. I’ve never even had a boyfriend before. My friends seem to get hit on and catcalled and it starts making me feel like I am unattractive. I never thought I was ugly but not getting male attention has really taken its toll on my self esteem. As a result, I feel like no men are attracted to me from this lack of male attention. Even one time, I had a guy cold approach a girl who was standing right next to me and ask for her number and he completely ignored me. I seriously have cried so many times in my room for an hour trying to figure out why I don’t attract men and feeling like I will be alone forever for the rest of my life.
I feel like I’ve tried so many things to make myself look more attractive. I’ve changed my hair, started putting on makeup sometimes when I go out. I am thin but I recently cut out fast food from my diet so I can look healthier, I now only eat at home. Still, I never get noticed. I am just so tired of crying over this, how can I stop feeling so bad about not attracting men?
View related questions: notice me, self esteem
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A male reader, WiseOwlE + ♥, writes (25 October 2018):
Catcalls are disrespectful towards women. They come from guys you definitely do not want to approach you! However, it is nice to turn a head, or get a stare now and then. I know what you mean.I’m going to be brutally honest with you; and give you a male’s point of view that ladies may find offensive; but you have to know it. Guys overlook plain-Janes. You don’t have to dress like a fashion-model, or beat your face like a cheap harlot. You should look fresh and pretty. Nice hair, minimal makeup, and fashionable. You can listen to the politically correct answers; but the truth is, guys like girls to look pretty. Not beautiful, plastic, or fake! Naturally pretty! They like girls to be lively, light, and feminine. You’re a girl, that comes naturally.You don’t really need to over-do it with make-up; or put on airs to get attention. If you simply like yourself; and feel comfortable in your own skin, it projects a good vibe around you. If you’re frustrated, that’s all that shows in your personality. Adjust your attitude! Jewels are not always in plain-view, they have to be hunted or searched to be found!When you go out with your friends, don’t look like the tag-along girl. The sad desperate one watching everybody else. Enjoy yourself when you’re out with friends. Moping in a corner, with your head down; while sipping through a straw screams “sad desperate chick!” That translates into clingy and insecure. Wall-flower!Take advantage of your best assets. Your hair or eyes! Dress nicely to flatter your body-type; and carry yourself with dignity and confidence. Hiding behind the other ladies in a group only pushes them out to be noticed. Shying back into the background/shadows makes you invisible. Be happy and carefree, you’re in your early 20’s! Those are the best years of your life! Your post is telling on you. It says you’re sour and insecure, and guys pickup on that. Big-time!When out on the town with your friends; focus on having a good-time, not whether or not you’re being noticed. Being self-conscious will kill your mood. You’ll find yourself sulking, because you want attention. Feeling jealous and competitive with the others. It’s about your mood and the vibe you project to the people around you. Do you project light or darkness?You don’t have a good time when you go out. You’re too busy feeling sorry for yourself, and worrying about how you compare to other women. Your eyes anxiously searching the room, wondering if any guys can see you? They do, stop worrying about that! If you have a flat personality, you’ll get overlooked. Everyone else is confident, and just out for a good-time. You’re craving attention.You don’t enjoy just being you, and experimenting with being a girl. Having fun with it, and not worrying so much about what guys think. Just enjoy life and your youth. Experiment with different looks for the fun of it, and get out of yourself. Have fun, try new things, and guys will notice you; because they’ll want to soak in your happy glow, and get to know you. Not when you’re pouting and moody, and mad at men because you feel unnoticed. It will definitely show!
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 October 2018):
Here is the thing, OPYOU CAN’T make others approach you. You CAN however, approach guy YOU find attractive.And just because men don’t flock to you asking for your number or catcall you, doesn’t make you unattractive, it might make you SEEMINGLY unapproachable.Like Andie says, you shouldn’t change yourself in hopes of catching a fella’s eyes. Find a hairstyle YOU like and then ROCK it. Same with clothes, make up (or no make up)Not eating fast food, it’s a good move. NOT for catching guys but for your overall health. So would joining a gym, doing yoga, generally, any exercising.While it may not sound nice, you aren’t OWED a Bf or attention from men. JUST like men aren’t OWED a GF or attention from women.Instead of sitting in your room crying, have you considered joining a class (evening class for instance) is something you regard as a hobby? To meet new people (not to troll for men but to be BETTER at talking with strangers.)
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A female reader, Andie’s Thoughts + ♥, writes (25 October 2018):
Being catcalled is harassment – it’s not positive attention. Let’s get that out of the way first.Stop trying. Seriously. You’ll look desperate and that puts people off. If you focus too much on men and what they think, you’ll waste your life away. Do what makes YOU feel good, not what you think OTHERS want you to be/do.Find out who YOU are. Do things YOU enjoy. Build YOUR life. YOU approach a guy. Don’t wait around. You have another 40 YEARS of your life to find a guy.I know it’s hard, OP – I really do. I struggle with it and I’m your age, but we have to be realistic with our emotions.
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