Hi, Im just seeking stories of others if anyone has gone through something similar. It would be comforting to hear, as I know there is little to be done about my current family situation.
Last year I decided to cut contact with my father due to him being violent and psychologically abusive. My brother already cut contact with him some years earlier, at which point my father terrorized me as “revenge” I guess, because he was angry at my brother. He would Call relentlessly, make demands, talk down my brother and myself (he found ways to blame me for my brothers actions), just being a shit really. I would hang up the phone and he would keep calling and calling only to yell at me.I finally found the courage to cut the contact with my father, but what I feared would happen has happened. He’s probably been terrorizing the rest of the family (like he terrorized me when my brother cut him off). So now, the rest of our family on the father side, will not talk to neither me or my brother. Before I cut contact, they still talked to my brother, but it appears me cutting him off escalated things. I had hoped, really hoped, that my aunts would take our side in this, as they all know our father is mentally ill and he is abusive towards them as well. But my brother told me that our aunt had said she would stop talking to us because all we did was attack our father. Im getting married next year, and there will be no one there from my fathers side of the family. We, the children, are being punished because he is an abuser. It’s so unfair, and it makes me both angry and sad. I knew I risked losing half of my family when I cut out my father, but I couldn’t allow myself to be held “hostage” in the toxic family situation any longer. It just hurts, you know. So I would apprechiate it if anyone who has gone through the same/similar would share with me their story.
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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2018):
At the end of the day you’re an adult and if you feel that it is for the best that you cut off contact with your father then you stick by it and not be bullied into doing what others want you to do.I have always struggled with my father in terms of getting on so i can relate to you. At the end of the day you are getting married and will have your own family, what is the option here you back down and have your own family at your wedding no doubt spoiling your day? You know the truth here so have no reason to feel bad, maybe talk through it with a Counsellor if that helps to find peace with the decisions you have made. Personally by how they sound i wouldn’t want them at my wedding, you can have a perfectly lovely day if you plan it to suit you. Of course as always we just have your side so as i said if that is the truth of it then do you feel you made the right decision? If you don’t have to think about whether you did or not hand on heart that is your answer..
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