I’ve been with my guy for two years but recently I’m questioning his behaviour. He’s always been a bit of a drinker on weekends and I’ve never minded, each to their own. But recently it’s more so.
He’s going out Saturday night drinking and said he’s going with his best mate (we’ll call him A) but they’re both getting s girl to pick them up and drive them to hers to pre drink! I questioned it asking why he would go out of the way to pre drink at a girls house and then have to get a taxi in but he didn’t get it. Anyway today i was in a conference 4 hours away and the night before he forgot and asked if I would go to his (he lives 30 minutes away) I explained I won’t be home till 7pm but he can come over. He declined which is fine because it is late. Anyway on the train back from the conference I message him amazing news regarding a job possibility. I was so happy and he jusy says “well talk about it in person” I get you can’t have an in-depth discussion over text but I just felt like in always on his time schedule.Anyway I’m almost home and he texts me saying he’s going out drinking with A And a girl!!! I asked who’s this girl and he says A is trying to get with her and invited him along. First all I think is what man invited a 25 year old in a relationship out with him when he can’t exactly “wingman”But the most concerning thing is they’re going to a pub 30 minutes from where they live (a 2 minute walk from my house!!!) So after saying he couldn’t come over he’s up the road and it’s not just A , him and one girl. Its 2 girls. Their was no incite. Its 10pm and he has work 7am in the morning. What 25 year old in a relationship goes out drinking on a work night with two random girls and his best friend. Its like a double date.While I’m at home in bed feeling like he is embarssed of me because I’m not a girl who drinks often.I don’t know how he’s getting home. And yes I know you’ll all say I should trust him. But it’s hard. How would I know if anything happened? To make matters worse he’s uploaded pictures of the 4 of them all on social media. I just feel embarssed by that. What will my friends and family think he’s up too ? Especially when he hasn’t out anything up about us since August. His last few posts are him out drinking with these girls.What can I even do? I’ll explain how I feel but he won’t get it. It doesn’t help that he jokes around how women find him attractive and he says when he always gets hit on.
View related questions: best friend, text
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 December 2018):
Sounds like he wants to be single. That is how a single guy acts.You could still go out with him and just not drink alcohol, but for him PARTYING and GETTING DRUNK are still a priority. And SO is getting attention from other girls.Which means… he isn’t MATURE enough for an adult relationship.If these are “random girls” and not just female friends then it’s even more attention seeking behavior.If it’s “just” female friends, then why are you not invited and going too?He has a whole other social life “away” from you that involves drinking with a single buddy and random girls that supposedly the friend wants to hook up with… it seems a little hard to believe.And while I agree that good news is better shared in an ACTUAL conversation face to face OR on the phone – NOT over text.. the fact that you feel conversation are on HIS time schedule and terms, it kinda show how little a priority you are.You are the GF he likes to have (when it suits him) and that trusts him so much that he can have his own life on the side, so to speak that she (you) isn’t part of.As for what he posts online… who cares? What your friends might think about what he is doing… who cares? What I DO think you should care about it do you two REALLY have much in common? Do you socialize without him? Do you socialize together? Or is it more him partying and you focusing on your career kind of thing?Have you perhaps… outgrown him?
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A female reader, Aunty BimBim + ♥, writes (8 December 2018):
Sweetheart, you are not a priority. He is immature and obviously prefers drinking with his mate and random girls two minutes from where you live.Honestly, cut him loose, his brain isn’t fully developed and the synapses are not connecting, this is why he won’t “get it”. He’s not going to get it for a few more years yet. Don’t hang around waiting, the brainless twerp couldn’t even share your happiness about a possible new job.Seriously consider if he really is the right guy for you, and if you are okay with him treating you like this and not getting it when you try to explain.
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A male reader, N91 + ♥, writes (8 December 2018):
Sounds like he doesn’t prioritise you.Can you see yourself putting up with this for 5 more years, 10? Marrying someone who makes you feel this way? Think about this and then decide where you go from here. You’ve brought this up to him and nothing has changed. Whilst it’s true you do need to trust your partner, I think it would test anyone’s patience if their partner routinely went out drinking with the other sex in what looks like a ‘double date’ scenario. I’d feel uneasy if my GF started doing similar, you have every right to be concerned. Sounds to me that he likes the attention off females, enjoys a flirt but also knowing that he’s in a relationship to always have something to fall back on. You can do better.
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