I felt really ill two nights ago at 2am and it woke me up. I had severe aching all over my body and started crying. I tried to wake my boyfriend up and told him everything was hurting while I was crying. He told me to deal with it on my own. Yesterday the symptoms got worse and I told him I was feeling really low and needed a cuddle ASAP. He has rugby training every Tuesday and Thursday (he’s not an avid rugby player- he doesn’t even play the games). He said shall I come over and look after you instead of playing rugby and I got so happy, then he told me he was joking. He barely replied to any of my messages for the rest of the day except asking ‘do you have everything you need?’ To which I replied ‘no’ but he ignored the message and went to rugby. I expected he’d come over after rugby (he lives 20 mins away) but he didn’t and went home and said he was tired.
When he’s ill I always want to do everything in my power to make him better . I’d understand if he had work or had made plans to see friends and couldn’t let them down but he sometimes misses rugby anyway because he can’t be bothered. We’ve argued since last night and I can’t get through to him. He just says stuff like ‘I’m not going to run around after you’ etc. I told him I feel hurt and feel like he doesn’t care about me (and it’s built up a bit because he’s said some hurtful stuff lately like he finds it annoying when I cuddle him…) and he just keeps saying horrible stuff about how he would only look after me if I had been diagnosed with lukiemia or something!I don’t know what to do, I feel so frustrated that someone won’t do something for me that I’d do for them.
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 September 2018):
Some people don’t do well with sick/ill people as it CAN affect THEIR lives too or they just can’t deal with the whining, germ, throw up etc. It’s NOT uncommon.You might WANT him to take care of you when you are sick but obviously that is not PART of what HE wants to do for you.Just because YOU would want to “mother” him and make him all better – he might just not have that nurturing side at all.OR… he felt you happened to get sick when he has stuff that is important (rugby) to him to get him to skip what HE wanted to do. I think you come of as a bit clingy. Or maybe he SEES you as being clingy. He knows you wanted him to skip Rugby for you. And he didn’t like that idea at all.Or he doesn’t WANT to get whatever “sickies” you have.Every year when school starts my kids bring home some cough, cold, sore throat etc. due to being in an environment of so many other students and germs. And I can tell you it drives me nuts. I don’t like dealing with sick people or sickness. I DO it for my husband and kids, because it’s expected. If it’s the kids my husband definitely pitches in, he is overall better with sick people than I am.I don’t know how long you two have been dating, but I can tell you this, his behavior (for the most part) is not uncommon. The whole I would only take care of you if you had been diagnosed with leukemia or something – that is rather ridiculous for several reasons. 1. he really probably wouldn’t as he isn’t a nurturing kind of guy and 2. it’s a bit cringy to say I will only take care of you if you get a terminal illness… I mean… seriously. 3. it’s neither here nor there.While I get you want someone to take care of you when you are ill… he isn’t your mother. You are a GROWN woman now and should be able to take care of yourself. If you needed for him to pick up (let’s say medicine) then why not just TELL him or ASK him hey, I’m out of XYZ could you bring me some over? Or ask your mom, sister,father, friend? you wanted him to behave in a manner that apparently isn’t part of his repertoire.Now YOU have to decide, is THIS what I want in a partner or not?Is this the guy you see yourself building a future and family with? You PICKED a guy who is a rather manly guy. Contact sport, set routines, not very emphatic or nurturing and I think a person who sees taking care of someone while they are sick as “babying them” – something he doesn’t believe in. Maybe you picked a partner more on the physical appearance than how well his personality meshes with YOUR personality?(though I would be surprised if he would be on the phone to his mother asap if he got sick….) He just seems that type.You can’t CHANGE who he is and what he will and will not do for you. THAT is for HIM to decide.It’s UNREALISTIC to expect that because YOU are willing to do ABC for a partner they should want to do the same for you. A relationship isn’t TIT for TAT. Each person have their strengths they bring to the relationship (hopefully), how well they mesh, compromise, support each other. So, OP is this a deal breaker or not?
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