I have been in a relationship for 6 years, we are put in outer late 20’s. My boyfriend does not like to spend money on me but I find journals of all the expenses he pays for his mom, including a car he just bought her.
He does not help me clean anything including taking the trash out. I am tired of constantly cleaning and hearing that he has no money. He makes more than me and also inherited money. He never wants to do home improvements for our home but he does for his mom. He expects me to split everything 50/50 but he does not when he is with his friends. I don’t know what to do anymore.
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A male reader, WiseOwlE + ♥, writes (9 December 2018):
You sit-down and talk about money and finances. You let him know that you’re fine that he wants to help his mother; but you don’t like the fact that he’s stingy when it comes to you, and what you need.Stop and think. What are you prepared to do, if he insists on keeping things just as they are? How effective is nagging?People come here with a list of complaints about their partners, hoping to find a magic cure to change them. Your posts is a clear indication that you’ve never actually had a serious discussion about finances with your boyfriend. You just quietly go along with it to appear to be a great girlfriend, and to keep the peace. You pout, bitch, and moan; but he just tunes you out! He doesn’t care about your complaints. He knows how to deal with them. Just ignore you!If you have actually had an in-depth discussion about paying the bills and sharing of expenses; you probably wouldn’t be here seeking advice. You’re here, because you know he’s not likely to compromise. You know he’s headstrong, and selfish. You want to know how to change him.You’ll have to depend on chance. Have that talk and hope for the best. Lay-out a written budget and show him how far your money goes. Stop taking-up the slack; if he prefers to be generous with everybody but you. He needs the ultimatum of knowing that the relationship is on the line. What you’re afraid of is it might not matter as much as you hope!Keeping a boyfriend all depends on what you’re ready to compromise or put-up with. If he does things that places stress on you, has bad-habits he refuses to change, or he has stingy ways; then the problem isn’t his refusal to change. The problem is you’ve made a bad-choice in boyfriends; but you’d rather keep him, and suffer in silent frustration. That, or have fights that change nothing! He knows you need him more than he needs you! Money is the top reason relationships come apart. Then having someone who won’t lift a finger; but you have to plead on your hands and knees to get them to do the simplest chore. You can’t seem to make headway in any area of the relationship; because everything seems to be to his benefit.You can’t remain with a person who leaves you struggling; while it doesn’t seem to phase them. That’s disrespect, indifference, and a true sign you’re more into them; than they are into you.Telling us may make you feel better to get it all off your chest; but he’s the one who needs to hear all this.
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 December 2018):
You aren’t married so HIS money are HIS.Spending money on you, doesn’t mean he loves you, and NOT spending money doesn’t mean he DOESN’T love you.But for a couple who has been together for 6 years… it seems odd that it hasn’t moved much forward, other than you two living together.Do you SHARE the house? Or are you living with him or vice verse?As for home improvements, are they vital? Splitting bills 50/50 in general makes sense.And of course he can’t afford anything if he is financing his mother as well as 50% of the costs of living with you.How well do you know his finances? Other than what he gives his mom?And do you really see a future here? If you two marry do you really think he would stop financing his mom? which means… nothing would change. Financially speaking.Does he spend money on his mom and friends but not you because he takes you for granted? Because you in the past have expressed that you were OH SO OK with going 50/50?I think there is more to this that you haven’t detailed.You write about a 6 year relationship in terms of money. Nothing about how well you get on, how you love each other… So is this a vent or what?
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