A female Health And Fitness my-boyfriend-of-3-years-doesnt-want-to-have-children-i-dream-of-having-them My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them Relationship & Sex    age 41-50, anonymous writes:

The Fat Decimator System

Hey everyone. So ive been with my boyfriend a year now and we started talking about kids i commented how good he is with his nephews and how hed make a great dad one day to which he said he doesnt want any children. This crushed me as he knew from day one i always wanted them. Im now thinking did he just see how things would go and maybe convince himself he might change his mind or that id change mine. im not sure what to do i dont want to end things with him but i want a longed for child with him im 3 years older than him and i dont have years to have a baby im 43

View related questions: crush

<– Rate this Question

Reply to this Question

Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, Honeypie Health And Fitness my-boyfriend-of-3-years-doesnt-want-to-have-children-i-dream-of-having-them-1 My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them Relationship & Sex     + , writes (3 December 2018):

Health And Fitness my-boyfriend-of-3-years-doesnt-want-to-have-children-i-dream-of-having-them My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them Relationship & Sex    He isn’t going to change his mind. He is 40. He probably has a VERY good idea whether he wants kids or not, just like you.I had my youngest at 35. I feel it was WAY late. She was smaller then my other two, and now at 14 do have some medical issues. Whether it’s due to ME being an “older mom” or random draw of the genetic “luck” is impossible to tell.I’ll hit 50 next year and I still haven’t hit menopause – unfortunately…. (for me). So it’s likely that it will be a while still before you hit it too.However, you have to consider the possibility of bringing in a healthy child or not. Studies find that offspring born to mothers younger than age 25 or older than 35 have worse outcomes with respect to mortality, self-rated health, height, obesity, and the number of diagnosed conditions than those born to mothers aged 25–34. Women aged 40 to 44, first birth rates have increased fourfold from the mideighties to 2012.Having babies at an older age isn’t without its risks. The odds of having a child with birth defects do increase with age.But it ALL doesn’t matter IF your PARTNER doesn’t WANT kids.You are with someone who can not and will not (and shouldn’t) compromise of the issue of having kids. I think for someone in her 40’s you should have checked a LOT sooner than a year in, whether kids were in the cards or not.So YOU have to make the choice, kid(s) or keep dating this man.

<– Rate this answer

A male reader, Code Warrior Health And Fitness my-boyfriend-of-3-years-doesnt-want-to-have-children-i-dream-of-having-them-1 My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them Relationship & Sex     + , writes (3 December 2018):

Health And Fitness my-boyfriend-of-3-years-doesnt-want-to-have-children-i-dream-of-having-them-1 My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them Relationship & Sex    What difference does it make what his thought process was? You wasted a year with this guy who knew you wanted kids from the beginning. You’re 43, and you’re out of time. You better see a doctor because I can’t imagine that the start of menopause is very far off.You also need to understand that raising children is a young person’s task because the amount of energy required is far more than older people can typically give. There isn’t much sleep to be had with an infant, and toddlers require constant supervision and a lot of energy to keep up with, and young children are very taxing in public situations, then teenagers, well it depends on how high maintenance they are.You might as well figure that you’re not likely to get pregnant right away, so, if we figure 6 months of trying to meet a guy that you’d want as a father, then another 6 months to get pregnant, followed by a 9 month full term pregnancy, you’re going to be at least 45 years old when you deliver. Even if you skipped finding a guy and did artificial insemination, you’re probably still looking at 6 months of trying before you’d get pregnant, so you’d still be about 45 when you delivered your baby. And all this doesn’t even take into account the llikelihood of a miscarriage.Many women miscarry on the first pregnancy, my wife did. The miscarriage took a HUGE emotional toll on her and I. At your age, the odds of a miscarriage increase substantially and, given that your window of opportunity is already closing rapidly, a miscarriage will be even more emotionally devastating for you. It was devastating enough for my wife and I, but we were young and knew we had plenty of time to try again. You don’t have that time. If you miscarry, that might be it for you.Something’s got to give. The odds of success aren’t in your favor. Regardless, if you really want kids, stop wasting time with this guy.

<– Rate this answer

………………………….   

A male reader, Fatherly Advice Health And Fitness my-boyfriend-of-3-years-doesnt-want-to-have-children-i-dream-of-having-them-1 My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them Relationship & Sex     + , writes (3 December 2018):

Health And Fitness my-boyfriend-of-3-years-doesnt-want-to-have-children-i-dream-of-having-them-2 My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them Relationship & Sex    It’s never a good idea to get into a relationship thinking someone will change. It appears from your post that this is exactly what your BF has done. He knew you wanted kids he knew he didn’t. he was hoping you would change. He should have told you sooner.The other issue is selfishness. When I made decisions about fathering children it came from a desire to please my Wife balanced against my self interest. I’m 53 this week and my youngest turns 21 this month. I did not want to have his high school graduation interfere with my retirement. Fortunately for me my Wife agreed that she had all the children she wanted before my cut off date arrived.In your case you are not married and are 43. If you got pregnant today you would be 44 before you child is born. 62 before that child would graduate. I guess I saved my playing time for later in life. But it worked for me. I’ll be lucky to live to 70, so I’m happy that my kids are getting independent.

<– Rate this answer

………………………….   

A male reader, WiseOwlE Health And Fitness my-boyfriend-of-3-years-doesnt-want-to-have-children-i-dream-of-having-them-1 My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them Relationship & Sex     + , writes (3 December 2018):

This is where you do what’s best for you. You don’t make life-decisions based on what other people want for you; you make them according to what you can happily and comfortably live with. You know what will complete and fulfill you as a woman. If the man you’re with isn’t willing to compromise or agree to parenthood; then I guess you have to make that choice that you can live with the rest of your life. You can find another man, don’t let age be a deterrent or discouragement in making a choice to let him go.If he is adamant that he wants no kids, you can’t force them on him. A child needs parents who love and want them. BOTH OF THEM! Men who don’t want to be dads can be very detached; and no child deserves to be around a father like that.You are in that 3-5 year phase of the relationship; when it comes down to deciding where the relationship is going. I frequently point this out to our readers. Most of our posts come from people right where you are in your relationship at this point in time.Will he move-on to the next phase of marriage, will there be children, and/or are you even happy and fulfilled to be with this partner for life? This is a cross-roads in your life; and you had better make a decision soon. My youngest brother was born when my mother was 42. He turned out healthy, athletic, intelligent, and a pain in the neck! I love him! So don’t give-up hope.

<– Rate this answer

………………………….   

A female reader, MissKin Health And Fitness my-boyfriend-of-3-years-doesnt-want-to-have-children-i-dream-of-having-them My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them Relationship & Sex     + , writes (3 December 2018):

Health And Fitness 4f7f2108-df65-4612-b246-f43aadd8ec2d My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them Relationship & Sex    You need to leave him. Fundamentally you want different things. He is in his 40s, if he wanted children he would know by now. If you really want children you need to walk away.

<– Rate this answer

………………………….   

A female reader, Andie’s Thoughts Health And Fitness my-boyfriend-of-3-years-doesnt-want-to-have-children-i-dream-of-having-them My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them Relationship & Sex     + , writes (3 December 2018):

Health And Fitness 1e67a9d8-8ab1-4c5e-b760-9b8ce154fba3 My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them Relationship & Sex    Look, you don’t have time to waste on guys who don’t want children. He’s 40 – you can’t try to change his mind or rely on him changing it. Ultimately, you are running out of time to have them biologically, but that doesn’t mean have one with someone random or with a boyfriend who doesn’t want kids. If anything, it’s time for a sperm donor through a professional agency. Do NOT get pregnant with someone who doesn’t want children – that includes your boyfriend. Being a single parent is really hard, but being a single parent to child who has a dad who didn’t want them is even worse. Lots of good relationships suffer when raising children, so one where the child wasn’t 100% wanted for a long time will likely fall apart and cause problemsfor said child. Time to move on – either from him or from being a biological mother. My guess is you feel a need to be a mum more than you need some guy you’ve been with for a year who never wants kids. That sounds harsh, but you are running out of time and I’m worried that you’ll do something silly, resulting in a child who is not wanted by both parents – with a donor, that’s okay because it’s what you sign up for, but it’s not okay to get pregnant in the hopes that someone who does not want children will suddenly want them. Come on, OP; you’re old enough to know this.

<– Rate this answer

………………………….   

A female reader, madamerose Health And Fitness my-boyfriend-of-3-years-doesnt-want-to-have-children-i-dream-of-having-them-1 My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them Relationship & Sex     +, writes (3 December 2018):

I’m really sorry to say this but unfortunately, not everyone has the desire to become a parent. Out of respect for you, your boyfriend has stated that he does not want children. I know this is so difficult to accept but this gives you the opportunity how to proceed. It’s not correct to change who someone is, imagine if he tried to change your desire to have children it wouldn’t be fair to you. I wish there was a magic solution- but this is something you will have to accept, perhaps consider moving on or staying and not having children with this man.

<– Rate this answer

………………………….   

A female reader, malvern Health And Fitness my-boyfriend-of-3-years-doesnt-want-to-have-children-i-dream-of-having-them My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them Relationship & Sex     + , writes (3 December 2018):

Health And Fitness 335cb1d1-c90b-4c89-a282-c6f5507115d9 My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them Relationship & Sex    Your boyfriend is very selfish and perhaps you should have moved on as soon as you knew he never wanted children. The problem is that IF you had a child by him then the consequences could be bad because he may leave you with total responsibility for the child, or go out and do his own thing, or possibly even leave you. Alternatively it could work and he may warm to becoming a father. Ideally it would be best to move on and find a man who wants a child. Having a child changes your life, and it changes your relationship with your partner or husband forever, so consider things very carefully. Talk to him about your needs, and if he is stubborn and will not change his mind then I’m afraid the best thing to do is either leave him, or accept the fact that you may never have children.

<– Rate this answer

………………………….   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2018):

I think it’s crunch talk time – if your lookinh for a child at 43 it isn’t impossible . I have three children my first was when I was 22 .. second was at 337 and my last at 40 .. I don’t look my age but I’m gonna be honest the last pregnancy took a lot of me and though I love my daughter and wouldn’t change it . The thought of any more scares me and I still could apparently so after talking

<– Rate this answer

………………………….   

The 2 Week Diet