Not sure what to do with my friends. We’ve been friends for a few years and we got on really well always having dinner together and drinks. Celebrating birthdays, Christmas’s and new years together. We were really close. Then they announced they were having a baby and up until the birth everything was great. If anything we saw each other more. They even asked me to be at the birth which I wasn’t allowed at because the hospital would only let one person in. But I went to a couple of midwife appointments. I tried to be as supportive as possible and Even missed a half day at work but I didn’t mind. Then when the baby was born the contact suddenly became very short. No how are you or conversation outside “I’m tired” or about the baby. Again I was understanding saying take all the time you need. It’s been over a month now I was the last person to see the baby and only seen him twice. The first time was arranged and then they cancelled and late the next day said it’s fine to come round now. The last time I saw them i felt like I was just being humoured. I don’t understand. Something has dramatically changed and I find it hard to believe that it’s simply having a baby. It feels like more. But the wife doesn’t even answer my messages anymore. We would talk for hours everyday for years. I find it really depressing but I keep trying to reach out and it’s gotten to the stage I think they are trying to send a hint to me that they don’t want to be contacted. What should I do?
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A female reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (26 December 2018):
OP, I don’t believe that your friends are trying to avoid you or shut you out. They are just plain EXHAUSTED. Your whole world changes when you have a baby, especially if its your first baby. Everything revolves around the baby. Most babies do not sleep through the night and may wake up every 2-4 hours to be fed. That right there is enough to totally throw off a person’s system and you don’t recuperate for a very long time. You learn to live on very sleep but you often walk around like a zombie. Then you have to factor in what if the baby has colic and cries all the time…..god help the parent that has that going on. ZERO sleep because the poor baby can’t sleep. Then factor in work…You see? Its called SHEER EXHAUSTION. Try to understand. Maybe even offer to help? That way you could see your friends, see the baby and you would be doing them a huge favor. New parents are often overwhelmed until they can get into a routine. Don’t think its you, or them trying to avoid you. They are just busy and very tired.
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 December 2018):
Yep having kids changes your life, your life is tilted and turned upside down.I didn’t get more than 4 hours sleep a DAY with my first child for almost 2 years. Now IF I had been in my 20’s it might not have mattered AS much but at age 30? Yeah, I was WORE out. No, I didn’t want to see people. I didn’t want to HAVE to do my hear get out of my PJ’s, pick up the house, take care of the baby AND on top ENTERTAIN a friend or acquaintance. Nope. I wanted to JUST chill and bond with my baby. Even my husband and marriage was neglected. It took my BODY a good 4 months to FEEL sort of back to normal. But it took me almost 2 years for ME to feel like I can handle this! And then I got pregnant with #2! lol GIVE her/them some space.My guess is you don’t have kids? Babysitting is not the same.And don’t expect your friends to want to do what you guys USED to do, their PRIORITY is now RAISING a child. A life who is TOTALLY dependent on them. It’s not that you are no longer important to them, just NOT as important as a brand new baby and trying to figure this whole parent/baby thing out.Seek out other SINGLE people without kids for socializing or perhaps some a bit older than you who’d kid is also older and thus more independent.
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A male reader, Code Warrior + ♥, writes (25 December 2018):
Yeah, that’s what happens when people have babies, they don’t have time for anything else. They don’t get any sleep and they’re tired all the time. The house is a mess and they’re trying to learn how to live a totally new lifestyle that’s conpletely foreign to them. So, that’s the way it goes. One month is not enough time to adjust to such a dramatic change.
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